The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers
NFL: Mark Sanchise turned the ball over twice against the Saints yesterday. Well more than twice, but he turned over twice for TD’s as Gregg Williams may have in fact transformed the Saints D from a flaming pile of dog shit to a legitimate D. Peyton Manning brought his laser rocket arm out again today as he threw for 353 yards and two TD’s. He’s now tied with Fran Tarkenton for third place all time with 342 TD passes. The battle of Ohio turned out to be better than any one expected as Cincy beat the Browns 23-20 in overtime. Ochocinco had 2 TD’s and nobody but one of the retarded announcers didn’t know the OT rules. The 49ers absolutely crushed the Rams 35-0. San Fran’s D got three scores and put up an incredible 39 fantasy points, carrying fantasy teams to win worldwide.
MLB: For the second straight year the Twins are in a one game playoff to determine the winner of the AL Central. They crushed the royals 13-4 and the Tigers got 8 strong innings out of Verlander as they beat the White Sox 5-3. A-Rod proved again that he’s super clutch in the regular season as he hit 2 HR’s and 7 RBI in the sixth inning alone as the Yanks beat the Rays 10-2. Nutty, but don’t worry non-Yanks fans, he’ll likely dissapear in the post season like he always does. Maybe this year instead of hooking up with Madonna or manly women he can find himself a good old fashioned Thai lady-boy. In Ken Griffey Jr’s potential final game, King Felix dominated as the M’s beat the Rangers by a score of 4-3. Griffey started his career in Seattle, and when he left for the Reds his career was never the same as it was derailed by injuries. He is the active career leader in hits and home runs.
College Football: After an up and down, but generally strong start overall, U of Miami’s Athletic Director has announced his intentions to keep coach Randy Shannon around long term. Southern Miss QB, Austin Davis, will miss the remainder of the season after suffering a torn ligament in his ankle. The reins to the team are passed to Redshirst Freshman, Martevious Young. That sounds like a smart plan. Have no QB on your depth chart other then a Redshirt Freshman.
NHL: Dissapointed with the New York government and their inability to make a decision on a land development plan, owner Charles Wang said he may be forced to move the team to another city. Maybe Balsille will try to buy this team also. Yay, more Islander news. First overall draft pick, Jon Tavares scored a goal in his NHL debut. It was all for naught though as the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Islanders 4-3. With the Redskins being bad, the Wizards having no chance and the Nationals being abysmal, there’s a new hot ticket in Washington. It’s the Capitals and reigning MVP Alexander Ovechkin. The Capitals scored 6 goals as they defeated the Leafs 6-4. Hell that’s almost a good point output for the Skins.
Soccer: Cesc Fabregas commited to his future with the Arsenal Gunners of the EPL. But really, he just said he wasn’t going anywhere, it’s not like he signed something. Athletes are always true to their word.. Right? The EPL is investigating comments made by Sir. Alex Ferguson, after he made disparaging remarks aimed at the referee after a draw with Sunderland.
Fanbase on Suicide Watch: I’m going to go with Minnesota yet again. If the Twins lose the playoff game there may well be a load of Minny fans jumping of tall buildings. But being Minnesota, that may just result in a few broken legs and torn ankles.
Gratuitous Sem-Naked Sporting Lady: