The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous days sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangover. Deal with it.
NFL:
- Come any closer and I'll cock punch you.
The Broncos beat the Chargers 34-23 to move to 6-0. Eddie Royal returned a punt and kick for TD.
MLB:
- Look at the guy hugging him. Why does it look like he's about to punch him in the dick?
The Yankees lost last night 5-4 to the Angels in the 11th inning. Do you smell that? It’s the sweet smell of New Yorker despair.
College Football:
- God Damn Martyr.
Arkansas DT Malcolm Sheppard is the guy who had the phantom personal foul penalty called on him in the fourth quarter of the Florida-Arkansas game. Upon further review, the SEC has admitted that it wasn’t actually a penalty and shouldn’t have been called. A pox on the Gators season.
NBA:
- Uh oh! I think I better check my diaper.
File this under news I’m just hearing about, but apparently in January, LeBron James had a cancer scare.
NHL:
- I'm gonna fuck you up boy. Insert dueling banjo music.
The Oilers defeated the Canucks 2-1 last night. Kyle Wellwood appeared to score in the waning seconds to tie the game, but video review showed that the game clock had expired a split second before the puck crossed the goal line. Suck it Canucks fans.
Fan Base on Suicide Watch:
- In a moment of consolation, feelings were shared, and one thing led to anal.
There’s no doubt at all that it’s the masters of the douche nozzles, the City of New York. This weekend saw both their football teams crash and burn, the death of a Sanchize, and the precious Yankees losing.
Gratuitous Semi-Naked Female Athlete:
- I would agree to a wrestling* match with Kyra Gracie. *nude wrestling.
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