Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Tuesday May 22nd 2012

The Ballad of War Machine: A Greek Tragedy…Or Maybe it’s a Comedy.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

MMA fighter legally changes his name, Jon Koppenhaver, to his nickname War Machine….Stifles laughter. He gets canned from the UFC for remarks about a fighter who recently died.  Then launches a “Fuck an Obama” tirade on MySpace, which may or may not have suggested an assassination attempt and some all out anarchy. Follows that up by getting arrested for striking a man. In the midst of all this, he somehow finds the time to work as a bouncer at an alternative strip club (i.e. gay strip club), and gets arrested for fighting at said alternative strip club.

It probably couldn’t get any more random-ass than that, right?

WRONG. Because War “Don’t call me by my legal god given name Jon Koppenhaver” Machine has added a new skill set to his repertoire and resume: Pornstar.

No longer will he be dropping bombs from the mount position…well, actually he will, but a totally different kind. Apparently his first scene involved a lovely talent by the name of Riley Steele.

Her only weakness is TV repairmen and pizza delivery guys.
The only weakness in her game is TV repairmen and pizza delivery guys.

And I can assure you that writing a diatribe of MMA to porn innuendos was totally in the cards for this post, but I came across this quote from the film’s director Robby D and thought his input would be totally insightful and in a not creepy sort of way*:

*Definitely in a creepy sort of way

He had a great top game and was able to take Riley’s back several times. Riley reversed the position and mounted War Machine, but I don’t think he minded. Eventually Riley tapped out, and War Machine rewarded her with a load to the face. On a serious note, War Machine’s experience in front of the camera through his fighting career made my job a lot easier as the director. He was made for this.

Totally not sure if I should find that sexy or completely disturbing…

quotes from Fleshbot (NSFW) via Watch Kalib Run

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  1. War Machine is a Stupid Jerk

3 Comments for “The Ballad of War Machine: A Greek Tragedy…Or Maybe it’s a Comedy.”

  • Byron says:

    The dude is a total joke. For the MMA blogs to being giving him this much attention is shit too. Sengoku 11 and Fedor-Rogers is this weekend for Godsakes.

    • gimp says:

      Haha definitely agreed. Talk about wasted potential. I’m looking forward to seeing the Fedor-Rogers card this weekend. And even though the media focus is on the main event there are some seriously stacked fights on the undercard.

  • Logic says:

    Are you kidding? This is BIG news. A guy literally gets paid to do everything I want to do…

    1. He fucks hot women (no strings attached) and gets paid.

    2. He fights people in a polygon and gets paid.

    How do you beat that? Not to mention he is referred to after a Marvel super-hero.

    The closest I’ve ever came to this is when I had a wet dream about beating up a Lord of the Rings fan.


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