Last Call is kind of like Blogkakke only on LSD, PCP and ludes. Fucking ludes man. Instead of just being a random link dump its a place to come hang out with like minded sports fans, alcoholics and amateur comedians. Stop by and tell us a joke, bitch about your local sports team, or just spout off about your time as a back alley abortionist in The Vatican.
Hey look at this. We’re doing this a second night in a row. Weed’s on vacation so the opportunity was passed on to us. Mind the ficus, gimp has gotten even more territorial lately.
Last Call is kind of like Blogkakke, only it’s on LSD, PCP and ludes man. Fucking ludes. Instead of just posting random links, its a place for you to come and hang out with fellow minded sports fans, alchoholics and amateur comedians. Stop by and tell us a joke, bitch about your local sports team or just spout off about how crappy your Christmas gifts were. Looking at you Soapy Soles. Looking. At. You.
Fret not loyal readers the aftermath of the 2009 Chicken Fat Bowl will be up soon enough. Be patient it will totally be worth the wait. In the meantime let’s get down to business /drops pants, belt buckle clanks on floor.
Musical Interlude
“pepper” by The Butthole Surfers. Yay Butthole Surfers. Yay!
I typed "Logic, Christmas" into Google and got this.
Hi there. Logic here. Just letting everyone know that we will resume regular scheduled posting on Monday after the holiday. Gally will join in on Tuesday because I think the Canadian Christmas is a day after the American one. So, on behalf of the unholy triumvirate, I wish you a Happy Birthday, Jesus. I think I have it in my heart to provide a link dump as well. Well, only if you find it in your heart to put on that Christmas sweater that Bill Cosby would puke on for your GD mother! She doesn’t put out when she’s sad.
Cage Potato by far has the best Christmas Video that I’ve seen. Starring Ben Fowlkes, God of Death.
The picture was cut off, but he gave Joe Theisman the middle finger
I don’t mean to fill the front page up with Giants players. I really don’t. It’s just Hakeem Nicks was very necessary in the grand scheme of things with the whole Chicken Fat Bowl 2k9 victory over Gimp. Looks like I’ve bested him in Madden, Fantasy Football and being awesome; while Gimp has just beaten me in the iPhone app for Scrabble. Touché, le Gimp.
Anyway, I was driving home from work today, circa 4:45PM, listening to what should have been the Mike Francesa show on WFAN but he was replaced by some guys named Joe and Evan. When asked why he wasn’t in studio, Francesa said: “I’m too yuge of a radio personality in this numbah 1 radio mawket. I need some moah days awff”. Thanks, Mike.
During Joe and Evan’s show they announced they had a guest which kept me listening. My favorite player to ever grace the NFL, Lawrence Taylor. I modeled my off on the field mentality after Taylor. I think he revolutionized the NFL. He basically created certain offensive and defensive schemes because of his freakish pass rushing ability. Which, if you look back, was because he kept forgetting the defensive signals and pass coverages. Well, Taylor came on the radio and he didn’t sound good…
I was upset. I saw the weight loss commercials, I’ve seen the Dancing with the Stars shows, I’ve seen The Waterboy… Yuck. I was hoping Taylor was going to be coming in the public eye again (Ed. Note: Like I came in your sister’s eye), because he is being honored at half time during the last Giants game at Giants Stadium. I was hoping he would stop being the punchline to jokes. I was half wrong. Taylor is well liked again. By who? Well, me of course. My opinion doesn’t change about a person when I hear about something that was “most likely happening” during their entire careers, after they stop playing. But I digress,
Taylor went on to talk about how he liked to smash the Washington Redskins more than any other team. And why is that? “Because my dad grew up liking the Redskins and anytime I could, I’d like to shove [those wins] up his rear.” Or take it literally, because I added the “[those wins]” to replace what he said: “it”. You know, to make it “not gay”. AH! I CAN’T STOP AIR QUOTING!
Lastly, when asked about Tony Romo, Taylor said this:
“…all I’m saying is that when he retires, no one will ever bring him up again. Let’s just say in a nut-cracking contest, he’s nutless.”
HAHA! It’s funny because he has no balls.
You are doing nothing to get rid of that "Tony Homo" nickname, Huh?
Man, that title just didn’t seem to stop. Ok, so Gimp had a semi-update on our fantasy league. I guess as Ernie Anastos says, “Keep fucking that chicken”. I was lucky Gimp didn’t start Ahmed Bradshaw. He was lucky I didn’t want to play the waiver wire and look for a WR because Braylon Edwards would’ve tempted me. Not to mention my RB trouble and Jerome Harrison having his career in a night. Now, for a quick playoff update from our league.
Last evening’s Monday Night Football saw Logic’s New York Giants take on the Washington Redskins. In theory this should have been a good game. You know, since they’re division rivals and division rivalry games are always exciting makes dismissive wanking motion. The Giants won a lopsided victory 45-12, instilling in them and their fans a false hope for the playoffs.
Personally, I, like most people could give two shits about this game. However, there was more riding on this game than just a win for an NFC East team. It’s Fantasy Football playoff time, folks. The games this past weekend have some serious ramifications. That is, of course, if you made the playoffs. If you’re like me and you put forth a sub-par effort, you might be lucky enough to make the consolation round. Which is on par with banging a tranny. Sure they might have a rocking set of fake tits, but they still have a dick between their legs.
Even though I made some form of the playoffs, there truly was no consolation for me, along with 3 other fantasy owners. The four of us were on the precipice of the playoffs. Fantasy football greatness was just in front of us only to realize our teams were not good enough. Winning the consolation playoffs is like being the smartest retard: You may be the smartest person there, but you’re still a retard.
So what do we play for in the consolation round of playoffs? Pride. Sure, pride is cool and all, but there has to be more. In order to make a meaningless game purposeful, I proposed to Logic (my opponent, and fellow Gally Blog writer) a wager on our match up. Some people wager money, some a silly dare. Then there are the silly dares that are derived from an individual’s sadistic tendencies and a lot of booze. It was from that handle of Jim Beam that the Chicken Fat Bowl was hatched pun high five.
It came from shopping at the local super market, where I stumbled across a tub of frozen chicken fat. At that very moment, as I stood there in the frozen food section and tuned out my wife as she asked me for my opinion on whether to have couscous or rice for a side dish, that I decided to up the ante on my match up with Señor Logicos.
It was so simple, yet so repulsive. The loser of our pointless duel would have to down some chicken fat and post the video on to the site. Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Long story short, Logic accepted. I lost and Jim Zorn is a total dick. I mean, I sent him an e-mail pretending to be a kid dying of cancer and my last remaining wish was to have Hakeem Nicks double teamed. Keeping Hakeem Nicks from getting more than 3 fantasy points would keep my consolation playoff hopes alive and my lips from tasting fowl blubber.
Fuck you Zorn!
Sure, I’m not dying, but how do you not respond to someone’s dying wish? Jim Zorn, you are a cock sucker. I hope you enjoy being unemployed. Now I’m left to gobble up the gelatinous remains of a chicken. The video will be coming shortly. You know…after I come to the acceptance part of dealing with this grief.
Last Call is kind of like Blogkakke, only on LSD and PCP. Instead of just posting random links, its a place for you to come and hang out with fellow minded sports fans, alchoholics and amateur comedians. Stop by and tell us a joke, bitch about your local sports team or just spout off about that time Santa left that coal in your stocking.
Welcome back, sports-fans. The Using Logic Hotline is still open 24 hours a day at HatedHero11@gmail.com or @Hbomb47 and this is where I can help you out with any issues in which you are stuck and don’t know what to do. Normally we like to keep it sports related. Other times it can be sexy. Whatever your little heart desires. I’m not picky. I’ve fucked a fat ginger before. I swear. Actually it was on the beach and I gave her the Screamin’ Seagull. No lies.
Now, let me get into the email I received (letter in italics, Logic in bold)
If the Internet has taught me anything, it’s that it’s always right and that women only have certain uses. According to this video, one of those uses is not snowboarding. Enjoy the epic failness that is the above video.
*May not be a factual statement. Does anyone know of a place where I could do some fact checking?
Phase 3 in the Gally Blog take over is getting this thing up. I’m going to get some links right now. In 10 minutes. Quicker than I gave it to your girlfriend. Any tips, submissions or ideas can left in the comments section and I’ll get back to you personally with in 10 minutes. /probably won’t happen.
Man should not get breast implants and think he’s hot. Yet, man does.
Alright that does it for me. I had another blog post idea, but it skipped my head. I’ll most likely be back tomorrow, but if not call your local cable provider and tell him you’d like to see more Logic. Thanks
