Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes

Seems like the only things we do over here are bukakkes Blogkakkes and Last Calls. Well that’s my fault. I’m too busy swimming in hot chicks and money. Last night, I spent all night trying to fit all these 20$ bills in my wallet! It was nearly impossible! I got to admit, sometimes being a sports blogger has it’s downside. Like when the paparazzi won’t leave you alone. (Ed. Note: UGH! I hate when that happens!) Other times, things just seem to fall in your lap.

I’m not sure if all the sexin’ has been the Giants downfall, unless Antonio Pierce slipped a disk doing the pile driver. I think the problem is this ratio of economy=Bill Clinton:George Bush is to defense=Spags:Sheridan. That’s the real problem. All the guy had to do was coast, for crying out loud! I think Eli dippin’ his wick into a bunch of sluts actually makes him human. He was knocked by New York media for being emotionless during his rookie season and then the same NY Media ripped Sanchez and Ryan for crying in their rookie seasons. If you want the middle ground, you get Rex Grossman. So shut up, NY Post. You stink.

The source might not be credible. First of all…she’s a whore seller. Secondly, she knows AJ Daulerio is a blow fiend (and Deadspin is Brooklyn-based) who wasn’t paying attention until she mentioned hookers and Eli Manning in the same sentence. If she said Mark Sanchez it’d be a non-issue. If she said “Tiger Woods”, people would have bought he shitty book of lies. Now, it’s still all hearsay and Joe Namath is still the biggest womanizing quarterback in New York.

I can only imagine how you would have to get the information out of Eli for conformation:

Police Man: “Now Eli, on the dolly, show us where she touched you…” hands Eli blow pop
Elisha: drools “She touched my fireman.” Smiles at stuffed animal her brought for courage
Police Man: “Oh thank God, this is over.”

end scene

Did anyone ever check to see if Archie and his wife had the same surname? This whole family has way too large of foreheads. Plus, Wikipedia says Eli lives in the same building as Jesse Palmer and we know that guy is pulling tail (see: Erin Andrews, the Bachelor), I bet the whores were on their way to his apartment he just ordered them to Eli’s (meant literal, not black-talk) crib where he would pick them up. Because he’s sly like a fox, that Palmer is. Anyway, does Deadspin have like a direct line for whores to call that say they have inside information on Tiger Woods? Like a sexy batphone? Or a stiletto shoephone like in Get Smart?

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