- Logic's Fantasy Advice! Found in Truck Stops Everywhere!!
Hi there. Logic here. Sorry about the lack of Fantasy Updates during my hiatus. I promise. I’ll make up for it here. This is like the Jackass Global Domination of MTV or whatever. Starring yours truly, Johnny Logixville. Get ready for a roasting.
So as The League stands:
1st- Plax’s Shiv Advisors- 12 and 2- (Gally) who rode on the coat tails of Aaron Rodgers Somehow was top scorer in my money league but I ended up in last place with him? Hm. Maybe I should say “with Dallas “fucking” Clark and Percy Harvin he got to the playoffs”? Eh. Who cares. Make me a sammich, Mr. Chef!
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4th-Sky Baklava- 8 and 6 (Christmas Ape). This is my impression of XmasApe: “Mehhhhhh. I got too big to talk to Logic. Logic interviewed me for the Gally Blog and then when Gimp tells Logic that I wanted to challenge him in Madden I didn’t add him as my Xbox friend OR respond to him on twitterrrrrr. Mehhhhhhh” *sniff* I’m not bitter or anything, but FUCK THE STEELERS! Anyway, I feel Ape’s team was the best in the league with Drew Brees, Wes Welkah, Chris Johnson and Rashard Mendenhall highlighting the attack.
and the winner of that game will face….
2nd- Cameron’s Wake- 11 and 3- (Bucholtz)- Andrew lucked out. The week before Michael Turner got injured, I offered him a ridiculous trade in which he declined and he offered me back Steve Smith (Carolina), Eli Manning (tried to tempt me with a Giant) and 1 other player for Michael Turner. I declined because Turner was taking me to the play offs. Yeah, well Turner got hurt with running back AIDs. The high ankle sprain. So, you’re welcome Bucholtz. You’re welcome that I’m the guy who traded Addai for TO and when TO got hot, traded him for Shockey. And when Calvin Johnson came back, I traded him for Brian Westbrook and ruined Westbrook’s career. Um, I’m trying hard to make fun of you but you made all the right pick ups during the year and I’ve kind of made fun of myself a lot so… Why don’t you go make out with Philip Rivers in your denim suit, Canadian! BOOSH! (Cameron brought his wake via Rivers, MJD and Ricky Williams)
v.
3rd- Unmotivated Leather- 10 and 4- (PUNTE and Brandon RotU). I don’t know how Punter and Brandon made the 3rd seed. It shows how bad everyone else was, because I’m pretty sure they didn’t pay attention for like 3-4 weeks due to the Blogs with Balls 2.0 hangover. But I guess drafting a stacked team helps. Here’s the list: Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, Tom Brady, Miles Austin, Ronnie Brown, Brett Favre and Antonio Gates will definitely get you a 10-4 a record, despite taking people out for bye weeks.
Alright then. We should’ve just ranked this list in “Amount of Canadian Blood”. Well, it’s actually rewarding that these guys made the playoffs because they were probably the only bloggers anyone respects. Sans me of course. Now, let’s see best of the rest and their reasons for failure.
5th- Donte’s DD- Logic- I just fucking missed it. If I would’ve beaten Punter and Brandon last week, I would’ve won with a better record than Ape. We finished with the same record but he scored around 300 more points than me. My failure was directly correlated with Marion Barber stinking and Michael Turner getting hurt. I had an 8-6 record because of Reggie Wayne, a mediocre Carson Palmer and my tight end play (Ed. Note: hehe) from Kellen Winslow Jr. and Vernon Davis.
6th- Sac-Town Kings- Doktakra- Dok finished at a fair 7-7 which is surprising because his avatar on twitter is of a hippie and hippies don’t know anything about sports. Just patchouli, hemp and mushrooms. Maybe a Phish song. He did have the Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson combo that killed a lot of people (especially last week) with the help of Sproles, Jamaal Charles and Stephen Jackson… I’m surprised he didn’t overtake me.
7th- Tequila Mockingbirds- Flubby- Flubsters tied Dok at 7-7 but lost the tie breaker by 30-something points. I think he wins the team name contest because I finally got it and it’s funny, but sadly he only got the 7th place trophy (everyone gets an award in Sports Blogger leagues because there are a lot of criers) He is suffering for what I suffer from. Fat Pussy Syndrome. We don’t have fat pussies, it’s just that Brandon Jacobs is one. Tony Romo helped, while the injury to Frank Gore probably made his team skid.
8th- Ghost of Sean Taylor- Gimp- At 6-8, Gimp did much better than many would have thought. He started out much more miserable than that. Gimp fell into the same trap I did in my money league, Larry Fitzgerald appeal. I don’t know why this guy had such a down year after such an amazing one last year. Probably because he is getting double covered more? Kurt Warner hasn’t prayed enough? Hmph. I don’t know. But Gimp made some bad moves. Ahmad Bradshaw was his best running back. He scavenged Fred Jackson, Beanie Wells, Reggie Bush and Mike Bell. Peyton Manning carried his team.
9th- Vick’s Dead Eagles- Max- Max finished 5-9 after a terrible start as well. Donovan McNabb spending time injured wasn’t good, neither was drafting Donovan McNabb. Thomas Jones and Joseph Addai did well for his team. But again, injury, Calvin Johnson’s ruined his team (like my money league) and DeAngelo Williams didn’t help his end-of-the-season-surge either.
10th- Favarro Must Die- Rob from WI- I guess fantasy football isn’t big in New Mexico! ZING! Rob profited from the surprise (read as: Guess) of Steve Smith (NYG), Kurt Warner (despite a down year) and another surprise in Cedric Benson. Randy Moss also had a good year but Greg Jennings disappointed despite Aaron Rodgers’ success. I feel like Rob just caught a lot of bad bounces. Or is it just because I like him as a person?
11th- The Godfathers- JB- Jimmy Brown didn’t end up to high in our league. Why? He didn’t update his team through the bye weeks. Either that, or didn’t make moves. I don’t remember. I remember I stopped checking his team for a while because I felt like I checked it more than him and then he fired back after a joke I made backfired. Did you get all that? JB had a rough go because of Jay Cutler being the worst quarterback in the NFL. Brandon Marshall’s performance couldn’t even help him to a win last week. Disappointment came from McGahee and an injury from Portis. He did have Knowshon Moreno (Rookie of the Year) but Dwayne Bowe on the IR hurt him as well.
12th- Shiancock- Adam- I think I am just as shocked as Adam is, that his team ended up in last place. Roethlisberger did well despite missing some games, plus Boldin had a good season and Ryan Grant did well too. But the team went down hill from there. I’m not positive who he drafted, or why the waiver wire burnt him so bad when Punter/Brandon (Miles Austin), XMasApe (Rashard Mendenhall) and Bucholtz (Everyone) did so well with it.
*p.s. I know guys on the IR would have been dropped so if I left out a reason as to why your drafted team lost, or a shitty move you made…let me know in the comments section.
And that’s that. Now for the top scorers! (Note: this is not subjective, this is whoever scored the most points for our league at their position to created the super team) (Also Note: Return Yardage and Return Touchdowns heavily weigh scores for certain players)
QB: Drew Brees- Owned by Xmas Ape- Brees 32 TDs and 10 INT would get him on top of the list. 3832 yards and 2 rushing TDs as well. Brees is not only an MVP candidate in my mind. He is the only MVP candidate. The Saints are nothing without him. His WR core is garbage. His line is mediocre. His RBs underachieve. I’m guessing he just passed Aaron Rodgers on the list this week because Rodgers got 9 points last week while Brees had a few more points than that and ended up beating out Rodgers by 5 points. (282 points)
QB: Aaron Rodgers- Owned by Gally- Had 27 TD to 7 INT ratio with 3579 yards in the air and 231 and 3 touchdowns on the ground. Plus two 2Pt-Conversion and 3 lost fumbles. He quietly put a nice season together while RUNNING FOR HIS GD LIFE. I watched a lot of Packers’ games because I had fantasy interest and “talking out of my ass” interest in them, and their line was abysmal. If they don’t improve in the off season, it’s a GM FAIL because I had them in the Super Bowl v. The Chargers this year. (277.26 points)
RB: Chris Johnson- Owned by Christmas Ape. This guy had some draft, huh? 2 of 5 MVP candidates are on his team. 1626 yards with 11 TDs on he ground and 391 yards and 2 TDs from the receiving game. He has one 2-pt conversion and 1 fumble for a whopping (284 points)
RB: Maurice JonesDrew- Owned by Andrew Bucholtz. MJD was dominant this year. He would’ve been my pick if I had any pick lower than 1 (remember I missed the draft and probably had a shot at MJD but got Turner in the first round, 12th pick in my money league and took Larry Fitzgerald and Calvin Johnson 13th). 1136 yards, 14 TDs on the ground. Plus another 323 yards. 1 fumble lost. (226.85 points)
RB: Adrian Peterson- Owned by Punter and Brandon- Purple Jesus had, 1200 yards and 14 TDs with 315 yards receiving gives Adrian Peterson and the obvious top pick accumulated (226.50 points). He lost 2nd place by .35 of a point. They both deserve mention at the end of the year awards. Johnson was the only surprise All-Star really, mostly because LenDale stopped being a touchdown scavenger.
WR: DeSean Jackson- DokTakra. I didn’t even mention this fucking terror in the previous section. Jackson is breaking records and necks with his moves. He is lightning fast and a 3-4 tool player right now. 125 yards rushing, 1 TD. 947 yards and 7 TDs receiving. 409 yards and 2 TDs in the return game with 1 fumble lost. See how the return yardage helps? (185.65 points)
WR: Percy Harvin- Gally- 113 rushing yards, 687 receiving yards with 6 TDs. 986 return yards and 2 TDs. This is where the return yardage really makes a factor in his rookie season with that guy who just goes out there and has some fun.(176.70 points)
WR: Andre Johnson- Doktakra- Hm. 2 of the 3 top WRs up here from Dok? 1231 yards and 8 TDs with one 2 pt-conversion. His most recent game was 193 yards and 2 TDs. So AJ is definitely All-Pro this year. (174.00 points)
TE: Vernon Davis- Logic- 815 yards receiving and 11 TD’s put him in place as the league’s top tight end. I think next year he’ll have competition in that department if Berstreet enters The League.(147.50 points)
TE: Dallas Clark- Gally- 908 yards with 8 touchdowns is a solid season at TE for his #2 spot. (139.30 points)
WR/TE: (WRs out gained TEs by a lot, so a WR will be used): Miles Austin- Owned by Punter and Brandon- 999 yards with 10 TDs. 157 return yards helped out. This is crazy that he is so high on this list because he came from out of no where. He started playing in like week 6 or 7. I can’t remember but he was a waiver wire pick up. (173.85 points)
K: Nate Kaeding- Owned by Bucholtz- 23/26 FG Attempts and 39 PAT Attempts. (117 points)
DEF: New Orleans- 168 points
DEF: Philadelphia- 151 points
Phew. Glad that’s over. I’m not updating this on the weekly games because if you didn’t have Brandon Marshall, Andre Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Ryan Grant, Chris Johnson, DeSean Jackson or Ray Rice…You Lost. I didn’t have any of them. I lost, and I am now out of playoffs. I went against AP and Ray Rice. FML.
Ok, any questions or requests on our league would help. If not, I’ll try to do a part two tomorrow. Most likely after something about rape or pedophilia!
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