Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday May 21st 2011

Ben Roethlisberger is so screwed.

Yesterday, Ben Roethlisberger was scolded by Roger Goodell for his 2 open court cases, both of which being of a “sexual assaulty nature” as my bro Chaz called it.  I think it’s not the fact that Goodell thinks Ben did it, but rather that one of the faces of the most popular franchises in the NFL keeps putting himself in situations that appear “rapey” according to Chaz. Some people are trying to give it the “If it looks like a duck” argument, only to be countered by the “I hope you held Michael Jackson to the same standard.” He’s dead, dontcha know? or the “It’s just civil court” argument which is then trumped by the “OJ lost in civil court” argument. So really the whole situation is at a deadlock and I don’t think the question is if Ben raped anyone, I think it’s more along the lines of: “Did Ben Rapethisberger rape the rapey grape rape of date rape?”

The End.

 

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