Chris Johnson, aka CJ2K among other nicknames, had a season last year that made me slap your mama. Tell her I said hello, by the way. She keeps that body tight for her age. Johnson broke the record for yards from scrimmage that was held previously by Marshall Faulk. He is also now the only player in NFL history to both rush for 2,000 yards and have over 500 yards receiving. My man had a solid year. He has been having a solid offseason as well from the looks of Chris’ twitter account, using phrases such as “wrist game” which white people don’t understand.
His success on the field this past year has got him feeling his oats a little, coming out shortly after the end of the season saying he wanted a new contract. Ok, I can see that. He earned it. However, the gentleman’s way to go about requesting a new contract is having your agent ask the team since they are the ones who actually pay you. Another way to expedite a new contract is becoming close to Deion Sanders so you can get him to say, “Pay da man” repeatedly on NFL Network after your highlights. Having said that, his is the most unprofessional manner of broadcasting I have ever seen besides crazy local news reporters on Youtube. That’s not all Chris wants though.
Realizing the Titans are reluctant to renegotiate his contract he has begun demanding random things just hoping to hit a bingo. He wants to be on the next Madden cover. The only problem is EA already had a contest to choose the three finalists for the cover that ended on March 15. He really didn’t have to demand that to make it happen. He could have simply leveraged his twitter following to gain more votes and been in the final three easily. He would have still lost to out Magic Breesus (Drew Brees), though, because that’s who I’m predicting will get the cover. Chris also demanded that everyone draft him first in their fantasy leagues this year. DON’T YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY FANTASY TEAM! That’s like telling a parent how to raise their children. With Johnson’s recent demands he has begun to tread on the good will he has built up with NFL fans through sheer ability shown on his highlight reels.
Some other demands less widely reported are:
-A closet full of skinny jeans
-A jewish holiday named after him
-All of the H1N1 vaccines meant for senior citizens in Pennsylvania so he can make an omelet
-For Ted Williams’ head to be unthawed and reanimated so he can beat him in a race
-A tattoo per diem
-For Eric Dickerson to “kiss da rings”
-For Mike Florio to suck a fart out of Jason Whitlock’s butt
-A fleet of cars as ugly as this one
If my intrepid reporting has missed any of Chris Johnson’s demands please feel free to add them in the comment section. And if you want you can follow me on twitter @nonpopulist.
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CJ also demanded the elimination of blue M&Ms… all of them. Original colors only!
For coach Fisher to start calling him dreamboat.
After watching Any Given Sunday CJ wants his own Willie Beamon “My Name is Willie” video shoot.
Odd, I thought list posts were regulated to WSR only?
The tallest trees are most in the power of the winds, and ambitious men of the blasts of fortune.