Well, hello Saint Patrick’s Day. How nice of you to come around again and provide a reason for ginger haired Irish bastards to think that they’re more than smut and for giving a reason for everyone else in the world to drink unabashedly. Today we’re not alcoholics, we’re just celebrating heritage!
- It's funny because the cat is drinking beer!
Well not me, because I work all day and have school all night. And I’m not Irish either, because I’m mildly attractive, you see. But that doesn’t mean that I’m all business, oh no. Instead, I am willing to start a meme to keep everyone’s interest today for no other reason than because, if you’re stuck doing boring shit like I am today, than you may need to find an appropriate way to waste time. So here we go. I’m sure many of you have done this before, but what are some of the shortest books that could ever possibly be written? For example, “Respecting your wife and family” by Tiger Woods. Oh hey, a Tiger Woods joke, right after he announced that he’ll be returning to play the Masters! Hilarious! But you get the idea.
I’ll start us off with some probably not very funny examples, just to get the ball rolling for the real comedians around here to chime in. But if you’re around or lucky enough to not have to work today, join in on the fun. Here goes:
“Positive conflict resolution” by Ray Lewis
“Ho-hum: How to not become the greatest NCAA football coach in the history of the game” by Tom Osborne
“Respecting the game” by Bryant McKinnie
“Consensual sex with an well known friend” by Ben Roethlisberger
More after the jump …
“Fucking bitches, making money, throwing perfect spirals” by Tim Tebow
“Quantifying clutch: How to show up in big games” by Bob Huggins
“Take me home tonight: Responsible athlete drinking” by Al Jefferson
“All the children of the world: An accepting religious stance on the GLBT community” by Tony Dungy
“Tarr leceivels ale the best” by Hines Wald
“A graceful exit” by Brett Favre, with a forward by Joe Paterno
“Protecting what matters: Three easy steps to carrying a baby” by Adrian Peterson
“When to regrettably decline a blow job” by Charles Barkley
“The perfectly framed self shot” by Michael Beasley
“Lapping the gender gap” by Danica Patrick
“Maroon and gold mining: Turning talent into on field success” by Tim Brewster
“Feels good, man: Sexual intercourse until the sun comes up” by PJDiaries
Ok, there goes my feeble attempts. Let’s bust this bitch open and drop some gems. Enjoy your heavy drinking today!
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