The Gally Blog

Tool? Yes. Rapist? Meh.

I know we are a couple days late on this but it needs to be posted. Someone needs to talk about how Sloth from the Goonies can’t stop sticking his ham-fists in the opposite sex’s axe-wounds. Ben Roethlisberger is going to (at least) be going through his second civil trial for sexual assault. I say it like that because NO ONE has come out with any significant information about this. Is it because his Jewish brethren control all the legal offices? It is, sn’t it? The Police in “Milledgeville” were supposed to comment today; according Christmas Ape’s twitter but they said nothing of importance and no serious interviews were conducted.

Today there was a press conference from the police department and apparently, Ben hired Ray Lewis’s old murder attorney….so you know this guy is legit. I would predict that if he gets Ben off the hook, look for Roman Polanski to take a trip to Disneyland in 2011. As for a choice of attorney, I guess since Gloria Allred won’t support a man that could rival her cock size, she’d be out. Johnny Cochran is dead, but if you could re-animate him and get that Chewbacca Defense (shitty video quality) you’d be golden. I don’t know if hiring an attorney famous for defending his client from murder was the smartest move. The guy that the kids from Duke Lacrosse hired was pretty effing good. So good, that the stripper who accused them, is currently in jail for arson! Wouldn’t that be nice, Bennie? Arson? You’d like that, huh?

Steelers fans keep getting mad about the whole “If it looks like a duck…” argument, but it is pretty crazy that he’ll have 2 civil suits against him for pretty much identical fratboyish crimes. That means that these girls are either lying, money-grubbing whores, or the DA is a BIG Steelers fan and won’t take the cases in criminal court. I’m curious on how it pans out because I would love to see Charlie Batch under center for the Steelers next year while Ben has to be chained in a cave like the ogre he is.

As for a new nickname? Jason Whitlock has been calling him “PacBen” because clearly, “Big Ben” doesn’t suffice anymore. I’m thinking of “Grabby Hands Ben”, yes…that’s becomes the acronym GHB, why do you ask?

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