Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Wednesday May 23rd 2012

Eastern Conference Round 2. FIGHT.

How did I do in the first round? Nailed the Philly series, came within a 3OT game going the other way of doing the same with the Pittsburgh series, was wrong about the Habs (but did say that the Caps were capable of a Sharkian collapse…)…and let’s not talk about the Bruins. In short, poorly. Now to continue that unparalleled awesomeness, looking at the all too common 4-6-7-8 Eastern Conference Semifinals.

(6) Boston vs. (7) Philadelphia

What It Is, Baby: Nothing says ‘Beautiful People’ like Daniel Carcillo and Zdeno Chara (and that’s before these teams beat the tar out of each other for seven games). Boston upended an offensively challenged Buffalo team whose goaltender couldn’t save them. Philly upended an offensively challenged New Jersey team whose goaltender couldn’t save them. What the series really comes down to is the physicality- both teams can take it and dish it out…and both teams can overdo it and fall apart (see also: every Philly playoff exit in the last few years; the Bruins loss in the “Avenge Savard!” game against the Pens this year). But the difference is between the pipes- Rask has been otherworldly for most of the year, while Boucher dropped some serious acid in the playoffs but had been remarkably inconsistent during the regular season. Buffalo certainly doesn’t have any agitators like Philly does though, and it’ll be interesting to see how Rask handles that. My guess? Poorly. The Flyers lost a lot of people in the first round, but I think that Giroux will step up. Seriously.

How It Goes: I don’t trust this Bruins team, and Savard coming back may not play into their favor with the aforementioned overdone emotion thing. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’m picking a team prone to implosions with a shaky goaltender for a second series in a row. Philly in 6, and may God have mercy on my soul.

(4) Pittsburgh vs. (8) Montreal

What It Is, Baby: Cinderella is undercover as the hockey equivalent of the Yankees. The Habs turned the Caps into the nouveau-Sharks in the first round with Halak blocking everything that Hal Gill and Friends didn’t in the last three games. The Pens looked sluggish to start, but woke up after Leopold got Cooke’d. The home crowd advantage is a wash- partially because both teams won three games on the road in the last round, partially because Pittsburgh is getting ready to tear down their arena and Montreal is just likely to do so in a riot. Bad humor aside, if anyone’s going to beat Halak, it would be Crosby, Malkin and their band of merry men. The Habs can’t count on Mike Green to hand them a series, either. They are incredibly adept shot blockers (182 in 7 games against the Caps) which can play to their advantage with odd man rushes, especially when Goligoski shoots (he seems to rarely get a shot through cleanly), or to their terrible disadvantage as the bumps and bruises start to take their toll. The USS Hal Gill could very well be the X factor in this series- does he know how to contain Crosby et al better than they know how to beat him? The series pretty much hinges on the answer to that question.

How It Goes: …ahem…

Cinderella, the fairy tale’s over
You should know, you got the scars to prove it

Pens in 6.

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