Ah, playoff hockey. When we are reminded that NBC sucks, Versus sucks, Crosby sucks, and every shot is a RISING SHOT. WSR’s covering the Oregon Trail conference, so I’ll try my hand at a horribly gimmicky preview of the Eastern Conference playoffs. Yes, I’m a Pens fan, and no, I’m not horribly biased. Only slightly…only slightly.
(1) Washington vs. (8) Montreal
What It Is, Baby: Washington has been a juggernaut, racking up 121 points through the season and scoring goals at a pace that you normally have to shoot at Jose Theodore to accomplish. The Habs…not so much. The goal differential for the season pretty much tells the tale- Washington: +85, Montreal: -6. That’s not to say the Caps are unbeatable- in fact, far from it. Their penalty kill leaves a lot to be desired (to the same degree that the Chesapeake Bay is “damp”) and the defense/goaltending overall are suspect. The team racked up a lot of points/goals against an exceptionally average division and could very well be headed for an upset of San Jose Sharkian levels. For Montreal to do so, they’re going to have to get a hell of a series from guys like Scott Gomez and Tomas “I’ll get you a Satanic” Plekanic (could not resist). Not to mention, Jaroslav Halak and/or Carey Price is going to have to start playing out of their collective gourd again- though they do have the USS Hal Gill on their side. Which is nice. But the Caps have this Ovechkin guy, perhaps you’ve heard of him? He was the guy eating through your ski lift cable.
How It Goes Down: Caps in six. This should absolutely be a sweep on paper, but I think Montreal can steal two games before wilting. That is, of course, your sign to wager heavily on a Caps sweep. Regardless of the games needed, I think AO breaks out in the series for roughly a metric assload of points.
(2) New Jersey vs. (7) Philadelphia
What It Is, Baby: An absolute mess of a series to predict. Team A has experienced, talented goaltending, solid defense and a serviceable offense. Team B has incredibly shaky goaltending, the #3 ranked power play, a lovely agitator…and owned the season series 5-1. The Devils are one of those teams that could easily get hot and tear through the playoffs- but that depends heavily on an aging Uncle Daddy in net. I hate basing much on the regular season record in a series, but in this case, I can’t shake the feeling that Philly has Jersey’s number. The biggest part of beating Jersey is beating the trap because they simply don’t have the firepower to keep up if you do. The best way to beat Philly is, traditionally, let Philly beat themselves. Or, specifically, lose a fight to Carcillo.
How It Goes Down: Philly in 5. Philly’s just built to give the Devils problems all over. Problems that can’t be solved by leaving your wife for her sister. Hypothetically speaking.
(3) Buffalo vs. (6) Boston
What It Is, Baby: Quite literally, a house of pain. Savard got killed by Cooke, the Sabres are missing Connolly, Hecht and Stafford, and that’s just the guys whose names I recognized. Ryan Miller is healthy, which means the net is safe from harm and yo mamma jokes can happen quickly. Rask has been lights-out for the Bruins, but the offense hasn’t really been able to turn many lights on, if you get my drift. Most of what I’ve read has this as a tight series, I tend to disagree- unless Savard channels his inner Willis Reed. If both teams were full strength, there’d be more to say about this one, but there’s really not- the Bruins are going to miss their players more, and that will be the difference.
How It Goes Down: Sabres in 5. You can’t win a game 0-0, otherwise I’d consider Boston. But there’s not nearly enough offense to beat Miller consistently, and the Sabres have enough to beat Rask.
(4) Pittsburgh vs. (5) Ottawa
What It Is, Baby: Deja vu. Seriously, I’ve seen this movie- Rocky lost in the first one, but won in the second. Logically, Mr. T makes an appearance in this one, and next time around is the best one of all. The Penguins are an incredibly frustrating team to watch- talented, but seemingly bored through a lot of the season. Assuming they have the playoff switch turned to ‘ON’, they could very well sweep what is a somewhat depleted Ottawa squad, sans Kovalev and Kuba. On the flip side, I wouldn’t sleep on this Sens team- if the Pens aren’t ready to play, this could be a dogfight. Also, the Pens no longer have Gary Roberts, who seemed to particularly relish putting away the Sens. If the Pens can sweep the first two games at home, the series might not make it five. If the Sens can steal one, I’d bet on the series going the distance, and who knows what’ll happen then. Other than causing me to drink heavily, and the girls at Puck Huffers to spawn enough Blingees to send a glitter-powered rocket to Pluto. Obviously.
How It Goes Down: Pens in 5. I would not want to play in Mellon Arena if I were Ottawa- that place is going to be going nuts, especially if it comes to an elimination/clinch game. Darn people love their antiquated stadia.
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Caps in 6. . .you’re such a rebel.
Or totally wrong. Which is more likely.