The Gally Blog will be having a live blog draft party beginning around 7:15 PM EST/ 6:15 PM CST. Come drink and hate with us. At least when your team bumbles their pick you will be able to curse them somewhere of public record. Logic and Nonpopulist will be your hosts with all of your Gally Blog favorites stopping by. Bring a friend and some booze, mooch.
The third installment (picks 22-32): Can you feel the NFL draft fever heating up? Oooohhhh, it burns when I pee! We here at The Gally Blog decided to pool our knowledge and do a mock draft for you, the reader. Sure, we could have started doing mock drafts right after Alabama won the national championship, but it is MUCH easier to wait until everyone else does a mock draft so we can cheat off of other people’s work compare notes. In case you missed it, Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.
22. Patriots- Nonpopulist: Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas. Has the Patriots defense been a sham for enough years to make commentators stop talking about it yet? Sergio has a nice name and is a good pass rushing LB. They’ll be lucky to still get him here because I have seen Kindle going higher in a few mock drafts.
Gally: What are you talking about? The Pats defense has that guy. You know, Richard Seymour. Oh, well what about Teddy Bruschi? He had a stroke? Seriously? Well what about that guy, or you know that other guy?
K-Gun: Hey! Sergio! You’ve gotta get us outta here and so I say hey, Sergio! It’s gettin’ kinda hot in here and so I say hey. [horns] [oioioi]
23. Packers- PJDiaries: Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. As a Vikings fan, writing about the Packers is easy. They need to draft everything because they suck! Teehee! This is also where WisconsinRob and I fight. Anyway, the main focus for the worst team ever at this pick was determined by their gang bang in the Arizona playoff game where Kurt Warner threw for 7000 yards and their offensive line blacked out on the last play where Erin was sacked. Oline and defensive back field help became the focus. It’s all pretty fresh, but since you can’t draft for two needs at once (unless the dude swings both ways, amirite?!) the Packers take the better player available to help their oline or DBs and that’s Devin McCourty, the CB from Rutgers. Charles Brown, the OT from USC is an option here but I don’t buy it especially when you still have that gaping vagina Al Harris on your team. You have to replace him soon.
Gally: yeah, it’s a pretty weak year for top notch o-lineman this year, so they may as well upgrade their secondary. Even Wisconsin Rob would agree here.
24. Eagles- Logic: Taylor Mays. S, USC. The Eagles might be calling this season a wash and rebuilding with their young skill players. I see an upgrade on defense in their future. Too bad their fans can’t upgrade their class, or SAT scores.
PJD: Wow, I didn’t even know that people hated Philly fans so much. I would like to subscribe to your brochure of hate.
25. Ravens- Nonpopulist: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee. This pick is a toss-up between defensive line and tight end. The Ravens have a mostly aging defensive line, and not even God knows what kind of season Todd Heap is going to have. Tight end is also one of the most likely positions from which teams can get good production right away. Dan Williams next to Ngata scares me, frankly.
Gally: Everson Griffen is also a valid choice right now. If you look at their roster right now, they don’t have a single guy listed as a strict DE. All of them are LB/DE combos. Even in the 3-4 though, you need a big strong DE. Griffen did 32 reps, is 6’4″ 273 and runs a 4.65 40. Seems like he could be a good fit for them.
26. Cardinals- Gally: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama. I know you’re thinking they need a QB other than Matt Leinhart and Derek Anderson, but shouldn’t we give them a year before we throw them in the woodchipper? There’s also that Roethlisberger guy who might still be on the market at the trade deadline. They really need a MLB here, but there’s none rated high enough to take at this point of the draft and the 1st round quality safeties are gone by this point in time. It might be a stretch to take Cody this early, but I saw him play in way too many games for a Northern Canadian last year. All I got was SEC games and I know Cody is a beast. He’s fallen on some boards due to conditioning and thoughts that he’s only a 2 down type of guy, but if he dominates those two downs who the hell cares.
27. Cowboys- Logic: Everson Griffin- USC. The Cowboys aren’t looking to make waves in this draft. They think they have a great team. Do they? No. Tony Romo is an awful QB that they didn’t get in the draft. If they want, they can just come by some of the dive bars on Long Island. A bunch of us didn’t get draft either. I think Jerrah just takes best on board. (Is it me or is this draft very DE heavy?)
PJD: If it is, I hate them all. Actually, there’s only one player in this draft that I have a broner for anyway after analysing them all, and that’s Suh. Since I’m a Vikings fan by default it means I may soon become a Lions fan. RAWR! That’s what they do, right?
28. Chargers- Nonpopulist: Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State. The Chargers finally put Tomlinson out to pasture 3 years too late. Sproles is an every down back as much as Jay Leno is a comedian- just because some idiots believe it doesn’t make it so. I just picture his bones being porous and ready to snap when he gets hit just the right way. Some people have Matthews going higher, but some people also like American Idol.
Gally: Some people also like Lost. What the fuck is up with that?
Nonpop: I am not one of those people.
29. Jets- K-Gun: I don’t know, so I turn this over to someone that does…
29. Jets- Rex Ryan: Jared Odrick, DE, Penn State. HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS? Christ, I just laid a chocolate log down that would make Milton Hershey roll over in his grave. (pulls out Dagwood sandwich) (eats three bites and hurls) THAT’S WHAT A LAP BAND WILL DO TO YOU MEN. Now, to business. I’m sick of watchin’ Gholston sit around here and pretend to be a football player. Gholston, your new name is WATERBOY. So, while ol’ Waterboy here gets me another sandwich and a bucket, I figure we can replace him with something that might pretend to have a pulse. Not unlike the missus now that I’m slim and prowling again. OH THE REX MAN LOVES HIM SOME AFTERNOON DELIGHTS. So I want to draft someone that’s going to kick four asses before he considers taking a name. I want someone that can KILLLLLLLLLLLLL with the best of ‘em. I asked this Odrick at the combine if he wanted to do some pussytubin’ that night and he pulls a tube out from under the goddamn interview chair. I’ll be damned if we didn’t pussytube the night away- the way MEN DO. I am drafting the HELL out of this beast, no matter what El Conquistador thinks he needs on offense. Now someone get me a blender and some country fried steak.
K-Gun: Can someone tell Drew Magary that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I know I didn’t do that justice, and I am so very sorry?
Gally: Not the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
Nonpop: It was a nice ode.
30. Vikings- PJDiaries – Tim Tebow, QB, Florida. Fuck. I was going to take someone here like Patrick Robinson to upgrade the Vikings depleted secondary full of bleeding vaginas. However, the Vikings just signed Lito Sheppard (a short timed Rex Ryan pussy tuber) and all other signs are pointing to the Vikings selecting Tim Tebow which makes me just want to fucking strangle myself with sausage. I hate the pick, so I’ll be delighted if it doesn’t happen, but this franchise is stupid enough to have Brett Favre and Tim Tebow on the same team. Hate Minnesota yet? Me too.
Nonpop: Wait a second. Did someone actually take Tebow Christ Superstar in the gd Gally Blog mock draft? GOD IS DEAD! I need to hear you say it, PJ. SAY IT!
PJD: Clealry God is dead. I thought we knew that when Clausen was taken by the Bills here? Listen, I don’t like it any more than you do, but let’s not kid ourselves. A franchise so desperate to win already brought Favre back. Would you expect any less?
Gally: I’d let the Colts take him at 31 just so that the Curtis Painter era would be over.
31. Colts- Gally: Brian Price, DT, UCLA. With the 31st pick the Colts select a QB from the University of Dayton?, Jon Gruden. Jim Caldwell died at some point last year and was kept “alive” through Hollywood style makeup and Weekend at Bernie tricks. The Colts also picked up a retarded kid, Curtis Painter, to be their backup QB. By bringing Gruden in, both problems are fixed. In all seriousness I would like to see too many changes made to this team, but unfortunately the 31st pick in the draft doesn’t have great trade value. Both Rodger Saffold, and Maurkice Pouncey would be good choices here, but I think that with Brian Price, DT, UCLA still on the board here, they’d be foolish to not take him.
32. Saints- Logic: Kareem Jackson, CB, Alabama- I’m glad I get to draft for my second favorite team, the New Orleans Shockeyturleys. The Saints have a pretty complete team. I wouldn’t mind seeing them draft offense, but Drew Brees makes everyone better. Even Reggie Bush. I know, Brees is THAT good. I wouldn’t be surprised if they draft secondary, Sharper is getting old and I might shiv his stupid face if he doesn’t keep his slimey hands off of my Kimmypants.
Nonpop: Who’s Kimmypants?
And we go out with a whimper. Hopefully we are correct on all of the picks and we get to rub it in everyone’s face. Join us for the live blog tonight if you like dick jokes and NFL knowledge.
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