Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday November 26th 2011

Things Not To Do For Our Live Blog Tonight: NFL Draft Drinking Games

Special News Bulletin: The Gally Blog will be hosting a live blog during the first round of the NFL draft tonight. We will begin around 7:15 Eastern Standard Time.  Bring your booze, draft fervor, and emotional problems masked as dick jokes. Your hosts will be Logic and Nonpopulist along with appearances by Purple Jesus Diaries. Also rumored to be appearing are Gally, Gimp, WhiteSpeedReceiver, and K-Gun. All your favorites.


I like to call this White & Mild


We interrupt the continuous stream of mock draftiness about which no one appears to care to bring you an original post about two things very near and dear to all of our hearts, The NFL and drinking. I was listening to The Dan Patrick Show today, and the topic of NFL draft drinking games came up. We here at The Gally Blog would like to encourage you to drink responsibly, especially if it’s Firefly Vodka, because with a name like Firefly, you know you’ll get lit up. /Boom, walkoff shot, writing slogans and shamelessly whoring. Someone tell Firefly to ask me about my game.

Has there ever been a time when a drinking game has gone well? I can’t think of one. That may be because I am, how do you say, a mean drunk. I don’t think they go well for anyone unless you’re really into hangovers. You scored with a member of the opposite sex? Great, how’s that herpes simplex infinity working out for you? If you’re as drunk as you should be after a drinking game then how do you even know if penetration was achieved? I probably shouldn’t be telling stories on myself, but I may or may not have orgasm problems when I’ve had a lot to drink. You would have to check with my wife to confirm. My stupid dick. It just stays hard for hours and hours and doesn’t even think of pleasing itself when I’ve had too much to drink. But don’t worry, when I’m sober I can prematurely ejaculate with the best of ‘em, ladies.
Most of the NFL draft drinking games brought up on the DP show were centered around taking a drink every time certain cliche is repeated by an analyst. Some of them include:

  • He’s got all the intangibles
  • This guy’s the real deal
  • He’s a playmaker
  • For a big guy he’s got great feet
  • In the war room (they call all the draft rooms war rooms, I’m picturing Shanahan  charging out of a room with colorful face paint and a shield and spear lunging at Andy Reid in a loin cloth for some reason)
  • Upside
  • A “reach” pick
  • Versatile
  • Anytime Chris Berman comes up with a nickname for a player (in related news I will be watching the NFL Network for tonight’s live blog) Dan Patrick killed me when he mimicked Berman and said Ndamaken “a boy named” Suh. That’s not real, is it? Did Berman actually nickname him that?
  • Let’s go to Mort
  • This is a character guy
  • This guy has raw talent
  • On the clock
  • Every time they show footage of someone waiting in the green room, you have to finish your drink.

That’s a case of alcohol poisoning waiting to happen. Try just doing one of those since it is a weeknight. Most of us have work in the morning. This guy’s going to go smoke another cig.


I feel good


 

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Related posts:

  1. The Gally Blog Mock Draft 3.0 and Live Blog Tonight!
  2. 2010 NFL Draft Live Blog
  3. NFL Sunday Live Blog

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