The Gally Blog

Little known fact; although I have lived in Minnesota for over 15 years, I have never lived in Nebraska. Regardless, I have strong family ties and an undeniably rooting interest in the Nebraska, and specifically the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Please, hold the fat Midwestern girl jokes until the end at least. Also, you would be wrong. Anyway, for the past several springs now my family has made it tradition to visit the lovely university campus in Lincoln every spring to attend the annual Red-White Spring Game. For those unfamiliar with the college football landscape, you suck, and a spring game is where a college football team plays their final spring practice in front of fans. Yes, it’s practice, and yes, Nebraska is awesome at fan attendance at spring games as well. They had 77,000+ attend the game, paying $10 a ticket to do so. Only Alabama has had a larger spring game attendance thus far (it was free, they just won a championship, and it’s Alabama) and the next closest Big XII team in spring game attendance was Texas with 44,000. Think it’s stupid? Football recruits actually love seeing a game day atmosphere in April. BOOSH! HUSKERS WIN!

Now, before I provide my review of the spring game, let’s get some of these ridicules that are sure to appear out of the way.

1. Well, what else would you do in Nebraska but go to a stupid practice?

Good one! However, I don’t live in Nebraska, and I’m guessing many people who were at the game don’t either, as evidence by the awesome guy we saw driving back to Minnesota on Sunday. Also, if you cheer for a football team that’s not a blue blood college football program, you wouldn’t understand anyway. I’m lol-ing at Florida fans, by the way.

2. Nebraska sucks! Missouri kicked the shit out of them like two years in a row!

I am acutely aware of that. Congrats on catching Nebraska in a four year slide on college football dominance after having sustained it for 50 years. If only you were so successful in the bedroom! The fact of the matter is that Nebraska is, and always will be, the very definition of college football. There are only eight other schools that can join that group, and no, University of Minnesota, the championships you claim as voted on by your YMCA members before World War I don’t count.

3. You stupid poseur! You don’t even live in Nebraska / have lived in Nebraska / went to school in Nebraska!

Correct! However, go fuck your mother. College football allegiance is like any other sport allegiance out there, EXCEPT A BILLION TIMES BETTER. It goes deeper than geography or history. It is family, and it defines family. My immigrant great-grand parents owned land in Nebraska as some of the first settlers and my grandparents got married and both attended school at UNL before having to go fight for your freedom in WWI, so fuck you. If you hate me loving Nebraska than you must hate America. FACT.

I’m sure there will be more questions and flames against Nebraska in general, but those are the ones I hear most. So now that we have addressed those, let’s get to what matters most here; the Nebraska Spring Game!

- Driving there fucking blows. Listen. Just because I like their college football team doesn’t mean I enjoy driving six and a half hours to see them. Have you ever driven through Iowa? It fucking sucks. Southern Minnesota isn’t any better either. During the entire trip you get a brief glimpse of human civilization around Des Moines, but then you’re like “Oh, I’m in fucking Des Moines” and that’s it. Omaha isn’t much better, however they do have the Henry Doorley Zoo, which is awesome sauce. Once you get west of Omaha your eyes are bugging out and you’re flying I-80 at like 95 miles an hour just so you can get off the god damn road. Well worth any tickets you may get.

- Making your own mojitos and mint juleps is fun. I went down with family and stayed with family. There was four of us most of the time together. We bought down a POUND of mint for mojitos and juleps thinking, “We’ll never use all of this!” Just kidding, we did. But holy shit homemade mojitos are awesome. Gay? Possibly. That’s why I went to the mint juleps afterwards. I could drink those things as often as Roethlisberger (allegedly) rapes chicks.

- Every trip has to have a soundtrack. I had never heard of this group called “Chromeo”, but I think my sopping wet pants can alert you to how awesome they are. Between killing my liver, speeding down the highways, and partying with family, there was always a little bit of Chromeo in the background. Not your thing? Well, then you’re obviously a pretentious fuckwad who’s worried that Chromeo is going to steal your girlfriend. Lighten up, buddy.

- College stadiums fucking rule. You’ll have to excuse me if there is some NFL stadium that is equally as awesome (Packers, you don’t count, no one cares), but college football stadiums are totally bitchin’. Keep in mind that I have really only seen football games indoors most of my life (thanks Metrodome!), but I did attend a game at the Gophers new stadium and, while it is nice, it’s atmosphere is about as exciting as a male cheerleading competition. Sorry, but give me Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, Nebraska any fall day. Also of note; I have yet to attend Target Field in Minneapolis, where the Twins play now, but I like what they’re doing with the statues and everything. Every stadium is cooler with statues of dead/old people. It’s like modern Roman sculptures but for alcoholic athletes.

- Yeah, this stadium is full for a practice.

- College athletes weird me out, though. At some point you have to stop and ask yourself, “You do realize that you’re almost 27 years old and you’re cheering, often times, for young men in tight pants that are almost 10 years younger than you, right?” Yeah, I do realize that, and no, I have no problem pinning all of my hopes and dreams on their prepubescent shoulders. I also have no problem coming up with nicknames for them like “T-Magic”, “Swagtastic”, or “Steinkiller” and also don’t have an issue lambasting ANTHONY BLUE FOR MISSING ANOTHER FUCKING TACKLE, like my 90 pound weakling frame could hold my own out there. Whatever. It’s about as rational as masturbating to Avatar, and we all know someone who has!

- Uh … the game was fine. I think the Red team won 21 – 16 or something. Yes, we went to the game, but as stated, this whole trip had very little to do with actually watching college kids practice football. It was about seeing my Dad who lives in another city for a weekend. It was about drinking heavily with my sister who goes to Lincoln (no, you’re not getting pictures). It was about yelling “GO BIG RED!” to randoms on the street. It was about being part of something larger. We were with our close knit family as well as our larger college football family, and to hell with being criticized as some Rick Reilly dick cheese, that actually means something to me. I think it’s kind of why we all watch sports or follow different teams. They produce some good times and great memories, and this weekend was one of those for me. Does this mean that I also lead a pretty shitty life elsewhere? … Yes. But at least I got this!

/cries.

//counts down days until kickoff.

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Related posts:

1. Your Obligatory Nebraska Cornhusker Introduction to the Big 10 Post
2. How not to make friends at a football game.