The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. Today’s edition has been crafted by WSR, meaning the paper drafts reek of tears and whiskey. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
- Congratulations, mouthbreathers.
As a Minnesotan, I am not allowed to like Chicago sports. It’s the rules, not anything personal. So a begrudging congratulations to the Blackhawks on winning the Stanley Cup in a 4-3 overtime thriller. Once again last night, we saw why the NHL playoffs are the best in American sports. Skill and passion were everywhere in this one. Sadly, the only thing that was missing in the game as a whole was exceptional goaltending. As it was a game won by the Blackhawks, I am required by law to link to this: Dagger. If anyone you know watched this game and still isn’t a hockey fan, ostracize their incompetent ass. You should associate with morons like that, anyway.
And now, I leave my NHL roundups for the season with this picture and a tip of my cap to Philadelphia fans, who were boisterously booing Gary Bettman while he was awarding the Stanley Cup to Chicago.
Minnesota Twins 6 Royals 2 Carl Pornvano had a solid outing, allowing 2 runs over 8 innings. Kansas City is terrible.
- Look at that thing. It's glorious.
Also around the league, it was Sodomy Night:
Cleveland 11 Boston 0
Tampa Bay 10 Toronto 1
Chicago Bitch Sox 15 Detroit 3
Texas 12 Seattle 2
Chicago Cubs 9 Milwaukee 4
And finally, 6 people attended last night’s Pirates-Nationals games. All six of these unfortunate souls had been handcuffed to their chair while passed out drunk the night before during StrausJesus’s performance, and couldn’t escape.
Brett Favre didn’t do anything. He also didn’t not do anything.
College Football
Yesterday was full of college football news.
*Nebraska may or may not have all but joined the Big Howeverthehellmany. As a member of the conference, I’m more than willing to welcome the Cornhuskers to our group. Since I was expecting your arrival, I made you guys a cake. Go ahead, try it. Good, huh? What do you mean the chocolate “tastes a little funny?” Eat up. Yeah, I did use something exotic in it: ex-lax. Fuck you, Nebraska Football. We’re not even yet.
* USC is going to be getting the fucking hammer. Quite honestly, this pleases me greatly. 2 year bowl ban, recruiting sanctions, and scholarship reductions are about right for one of the dirtiest programs of the last decade since the NCAA refuses to give out the death penalty anymore.
Like the integrity of the league, there’s nothing here.<
Redhead
- Julianne Moore
You might complain about this choice, but I’d like to point out that Julianne Moore seems like the kind of gal who would try anything twice. ANYTHING.
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Dammit!!!
I thought that last sentence about Julianne Moore trying anything twice was a link to video of her trying anything twice.
RAWRRRRRR Ginger!