The Gally Blog

This is an article about the current Minnesota Timberwolves General Manager, David Kahn. If you even peripherally follow the NBA, or masturbate to laminated pages of Bill Simmons’ self congratulatory books, than you have probably joined the rest of the major sports media in yelling “KAAAAHHHNNN!!!” and laughing about the Wolves signing Darko Milicic, drafting only PGs in 2009 and SFs in 2010, trading Al Jefferson low, and drafting a potentially franchise changing PG in Ricky Rubio, who OF COURSE will never come to a stupid place like Minnesota!

If you are that person, you’re also probably the same idiot that reads Rick Reilly religiously, really enjoys the new Transformer movies, thought Indian Jones 4 was the pinnacle of filmmaking, can’t wait for the next All-American Rejects album, think auto tuning is the greatest thing to happen to music ever, and cried when The Hills ended. In other words, you’re a complete moron who can’t think for yourself and I would like to tell you just how stupid and wrong you are. Because I obviously know better, you see.

The problem with you (assuming you are this sports zombie) and most of the major media is that they assume everything happens in a vacuum. Clearly it doesn’t, but what the media perpetuates is the growing sense of impatience seen greatly in the NFL and permeates most other major sports. It’s the idea of winning now, and as Bill Simmons has become the main proponent of the David Kahn backlash, he knows more about this than anyone as his favorite NBA team, the Celtics, happened to just casually fall into two extra potential Hall of Famers through trades to get a new Big Three. Memory is short though, because before that they C’s sucked donkey balls and were building to go nowhere. BUT WE ARE THE CELTICS. WE SHOULD ALWAYS BE WINNING NOW.

That’d be great if every single team could just sell the farm to get a bunch of super stars to play for them, especially in the NBA. Super stars are the only way you’ll win in the NBA. Yet when a team like, oh, Miami, does this, people quickly learn to hate them. It’s funny, because it’s the same thing the Redskins, the Yankees, the Lakers, some equivalent hockey team for people who follow hockey, do, and people hate them for it too. Yet these teams seem to find validation for their actions through wins, and their fans sure as hell don’t complain. But not every team in every league has an owner with bottomless pockets, or a top five major market to attract free agents, or a storied franchise history that players want to be a part of. So what are teams supposed to do with less? Exactly what David Kahn is doing.

With that background theory on sports laid out, let’s take a much more practical look at what is going on with the Minnesota Timberwolves. Below is their roster from the 2008-2009 season when they went 24-58:

G: Randy Foye

G: Rashad McCants

F: Mike Miller

F: Ryan Gomes

C: Al Jefferson

I don’t remember if that was the exact starting lineup that year or not, but probably the most “talented” one you could have used, and it doesn’t really matter because this team was going nowhere, ever. Not even the Hooters across from the Target Center. The rest of the bench throughout the year included perennial All-Stars including Calvin Booth, Corey Brewer, Bobby Brown, Brian Cardinal, Rodney Carney, Jason Collins, Kevin Love, Mark Madsen, Kevin Ollie, Craig Smith, and Shelden Williams. …… That team sucks, horrible. Seriously. It’s amazing that they even won 24 games. The contracts were bad, there was not a single person that played defense, they have no offensive identity, they’re all undersized, can’t shoot consistently from outside, there is no big talent down low, and hardly any players with upside. This team was clearly going no where.

In two years since David Kahn has taken this team over he has cleared out every large and bad contract and has improved the talent level considerably. Below is the projected starting lineup for the Wolves in 2010-2011:

G: Luke Ridnour

G: Martell Webster

F: Wes Johnson

F: Kevin Love

C: Darko Milicic

With a bench of Michael Beasley, Corey Brewer, Wayne Ellington, Jonny Flynn, Nikola Pekovic, and Lazar Hayward. This team’s highest player is making like $5 Million dollars, is young, is decidedly longer and more athletic with more upside, can shoot from the outside, and can play defense inside and out. So … what’s the problem here?

Are people upset at David Kahn because he offered the most reasonable contract to a free agent this offseason in Darko? Are they upset that Kahn made the Wolves look like they were bidding against themselves, when in fact they were bidding against Euro teams for Darko’s services, not NBA teams? People who love to write off Darko forget that he was like 12 years old when he entered the NBA, never given a solid chance to contribute, and now at the tender age of 25 is ready to play a significant role on a basketball team.

Are people upset that Kahn, as a general manager of an obvious small market team, is building the franchise around a potential game changer in Ricky Rubio? Really? Isn’t that what teams like the Lakers do, build around Kobe? The only difference being that Rubio dropped in the draft and financially couldn’t afford his buyout? Or is the major media still upset that Kahn has steadfastly refused to trade Rubio to a major market, so they skewer him for holding on to an asset that can change his franchise?

All of the other criticisms against Kahn are ignorant and dumb as well. “He traded Al Jefferson for nothing!”. No, he took the best deal that was available. All other deals would have asked the Wolves to take back big contracts and lose their cap flexibility. The Wolves also got draft picks back and a trade exemption to use on another big player or sign their own guys. “Kahn is building his team slow!” That’s how you build perennial contenders, jack off, when you’re not a major market team. Case in point, Oklahoma City, Portland, and even Utah (a travel destination? Fuck off) build slowly and methodically, with purpose. “But Kahn doesn’t have a purpose to his team! STUPID!” You’re an asshole, obviously. If people are so stupid that they can’t look at this year’s Wolves team and see the makings of a fast breaking, pass oriented team that can play solid defense, than I would also like sell you some stock in Circuit City. It’s as clear as day. “Kahn compared Chris Webber to Darko and called him a schmuck! Laughable!” Weber might be fully retarded, calls timeouts when he doesn’t have them, IS a schmuck, and completely took Kahn’s comment about needing to find the right team to succeed meaning that him and Darko are Siamese Twins. Again, Webber looks like he’s missing a chromosome.

But none of this apparently matters. What matters is that idiots like Simmons, who was so jaded when the Wolves decided not to hire HIM as their general manager, has decided to make it his personal vendetta to slay Kahn at every turn, clearly quite unfairly. Why would the Wolves pass over Bill Simmons as GM, you wonder (who has later admitted he was joking about the whole GM thing, but clearly, you can go fuck yourself, Bill)? As a Canis Hoopus reader pointed out, his track record speaks for itself. I won’t post all these Simmons quotes here, but my god, go read these and you’ll see why no one should ever listen to him ever again, unless it’s him talking about not being able to find his penis.

Simmons isn’t alone either. Every other lazy NBA writer out there has decided to jump on the catch phrase band wagon and yell out KKAAAAAHHHNN whenever they can, without doing any research. I don’t expect a general NBA writer to know the entire history of a small market team like the Timberwolves. If you didn’t realize this team was heavily relying on Rashad McCants at one point, you may not see how amazing what Kahn has done is. But you don’t even have to look that far. Every single move Kahn has made has slashed salary cap, increased the team’s overall athleticism, and exponentially grown the teams potential. Will that potential ever be reached? Probably not, but that’s the case in the NBA where it takes lightning in a bottle, or one lucky draft pick (Rubio?), to turn around years of ineptitude. In the mean time, you have to build something around all that and make bold moves to support your team. That’s what Kahn is doing, and every single lazy and brain dead NBA writer and fan that just points and laughs can go get fucked, because you are about to get Kahn’d.

And besides, retards, it’s “David Kahn”. In Star Trek, they spelled it “Khan”. GET YO’ NERD FACTS STRAIGHT, YO!!!

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