Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Sunday February 26th 2012

Shut Your Stupid Mouth, Boomer Esiason

Would smush.

Boomer Esiason is quite clearly known for one thing, and one thing only; having a first name synonymous with a fart. What, you never called farts “Boomers” in your household? Were your parents gay? Oh, I guess he played football for a while too, but it was with the Bengals back during the Civil War, so no one remembers or cares. All of this makes it even more suspicious why people are talking to him in this day and age. Recently, Fart-Man had this to say about the NFL’s most awesome team in recent history (The Jets, for you fat Colts fans):

CBS’ Boomer Esiason says the New York Jets have gained “the perception of a frat house gone wild,” and it “has to fall at the feet” of coach Rex Ryan. But Ryan, in a taped feature on NBC Sunday, told Bob Costas: “I’m not concerned about how I’m viewed.”

Hey, Boom-Boom, shut your fucking mouth. No one cares what you have to say about anything, ever, and you have the gall to get all huffy and puffy about the Jets shower pounding Ines Sainz, saying FUCK on TV like a real American, and using hilarious racial epithet’s when referring to the wet back Sanchez? Way to ruin everyone’s fun, you dildo queen. It’s open sores like you that ruin the NFL for everyone else, you and Tony Dungy burning gays at the stake. The sooner you all die from shattered knees, the better.

Boomer Esiason is now my least favorite player, ever. At least guys like Emmitt Smitch, Steve Young, and Keyshawn Johnson on TV have the decency to be black.

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5 Comments for “Shut Your Stupid Mouth, Boomer Esiason”

  • joe says:

    Probably the worst thing ive ever read. Wish i could have the last minute on my life back.

  • ben says:

    STEVE YOUNG ISN’T BLACK! Tard. And Boomer has a totally awesome name

  • Justin says:

    terrible piece of writing that i had the misfortune of stumbling upon. you try way too hard to be “edgy” by cursing way too much. using the word “fuck” over and over again doesn’t get your crappy point across more effectively. and a lot of people actually care about what boomer has to say, otherwise his and cartons show wouldn’t get such good ratings, fucktard.

  • LOL says:

    Thank God Jet fans are back in their place now. This idiot can’t talk now especially pretty much everything boomer said was pretty much confirmed by one of the most respected and best players for the past decade in Tomlinson


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