Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Tuesday August 2nd 2011

I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the 1st Quarter of the Skins-Eagles Game

See first 45 seconds:

Why only the 1st quarter? Because I stopped watching after that. I had a shitload of work to do (I’m the hardest-working unemployed guy you know), and zero faith the Skins were capable of anything resembling a professional effort. Oh, sure. They’re capable of talking shit with absolutely no talent and heart necessary to back it up. Sure, they’re capable of lying on the ground like a 350 pounds of horseshit in a 5-pound bag while the play is still going on. But resembling a professional football team on offense or defense, at the ownership level, at the management level, or on the coaching staff? That’s just too hard. Seriously, 11 coked-up Daulerios (which I know is redundant) could have scored at will against these clowns. If you want to crown Michael Vick, go ahead and crown his ass. But the Skins are who we thought they were!

Check out this rant from DC radio host Chad Dukes, who I normally don’t like because I think he’s kind of racist, and then we’ll visit our Official Cockburn Count Correspondent after the jump.

FIVE glasses of Cockburn! A HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week’s vessel? Straight out of the motherfucking bottle! Awwwww!!! AWWWWWWWW!!!!!! That shit is fucking awful! Well, it’s like my uncle says, the reason Cockburn lasts forever is because you don’t have to worry about it turning bad. And there’s another glass waiting for me in Tennessee this week. And then another and another and another and if I can actually post video here, you’ll be seeing a lot of this. Rinse, repeat, whack off, whatever. Now for our Official Cockburn Drinking Song!

Burn, baby, burnin’! Cockburn Inferno! If you want to see the first half of my season-long battle with CB, check out the I’m Burning For You archive back at The Phoenix Pub. Remember them? Yeah, you’re lucky to have me. Until next week’s toast!

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Related posts:

  1. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Bucs Game
  2. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game
  3. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game

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