Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Sunday November 6th 2011

I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Titans Game

And by “laff,” I mean Cockburn! And what an apt scene headed into Thanksgiving American Thanksgiving.

Anyway, hey Tennessee, we won the game of horseshoes! Now you owe us a watermelon! I’m actually halfway impressed with this game. The Skins still suck, but I expected them to roll over the rest of the season like they did for the Eagles and they actually put forth a professional effort befitting a team that was embarrassed by their previous game. Sure, the Skins were helped dramatically by the ineptitude of Vince Young and the way more suckiness of Rusty Smith, but I’ll take it. When an entire bar is chanting the name of Rusty Smith, cheering for him to pass when he’s on offense because they’re A) expecting an interception and B) that means no Chris Johnson, that says something. It’s also nice to not be the team making national headlines for internal turmoil for once. Anyway, let’s go to our Official Cockburn Count Correspondent after the jump.

The Count is on special assignment this week counting all the awkward conversations I’m going to have this weekend about my unemployment as well as all the times I overcompensate in my haste to say I’m OK in attempts to ward off the conversation (I actually am pretty OK, but I’m way too adamant about justifying my life). It’s likely he may die of exhaustion. Which is why I didn’t assign him to count the number of times I cheat my diet as a bonus. Anyway, time for the ironic victory music!

This weekend the Skins get Farvaro and the Vikings. I can totally see him throwing 5 TDs and no picks for “one last career game,” setting off another tearful retrospective like the one ESPN did last weekend about his “last time against the Packers.” I damn near broke my crazy neck running across the room to change the channel. If I were Mike Shanahan, which I’m clearly not because I’m broke, unemployed, am not orange, and lack a God complex, I would tell the entire team before the game that Farve texted pictures of his wang to all their wives. Seriously, please win this game. I don’t want a special glass of Favre Cockburn.

Speaking of, if I’m not drinking the Cockburn this week, that means someone else has to!!!!!!!!

For some strange reason it had to be, he guided the CB to Tennessee!!!!!

Have a great American Thanksgiving, all you All-American Americans. Have a great Thursday, Gally and enjoy the Space Teens marathon! And go jerkey-off a turkey, everyone!!

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Related posts:

  1. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game
  2. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Jaguars Game
  3. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Bucs Game

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