Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Tuesday January 11th 2011

I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Doesn’t Watch the Second Half of the Skins-Vikings Game

Sometimes in life, we have to make choices. This past Sunday, when given the choice of watching the second half of the Skins-Vikings game or drinking copious amounts of margaritas before the Capitals-Hurricanes game with friends I only see a couple times a year — on their tab — I took the free booze and company. Yes, the game was even on where I was, but I chose to mostly ignore it. Feel free to question my fandom all you want; I think I got the good end of this one. And I still felt The Burn when I got back to Chicago.

As for the game itself, well I can’t comment much on a game I really didn’t watch. Lots of fans and media types are saying that Perry Riley’s illegal block on the Skins’ best player by far, Brandon Banks’, would-be punt return touchdown cost the Skins the game. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if the Vikings kneeled down on the Skins’ 15 to end the game, they would have at least kicked a FG to force OT had Banks’ touchdown counted. So fuck that shit! Also, any team incapable of intercepting Brett Favre deserves two losses, not just one. We go to our Official Cockburn Count Correspondent after the jump.

SIX glasses of Cockburn! A HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH, SHITFUCK!!!! FarveCockBurn!!!!!!! This week’s vessel? WRANGLER JEANS!!!!!! (Yes, I own a pair of Wrangler jeans. I’m not a prosperous man and they were $15. I don’t wear them much because I trip over them). Good God, that tastes like pathetic desperation! Though, to be fair, everything in my pants tastes like pathetic desperation.

Next game is against the Giants. Considering it’s on the road, the Skins have twice as much chance of winning as they do at home. Because they’re 2-4 at home. And having a continuous losing home record every year is one of the hallmarks of a perennially soft team. Maybe I’ll watch the game. Maybe I’ll do something both intelligent and productive and work at the PAWS Chicago 36-Hour Adopt-a-thon instead. (No-kill shelters FTW!!!!!!!). At the very least, it would mean you’d get a video of cats and dogs next week. Anyway, time for our Official Cockburn Drinking Song:

And one more thing. Unfortunately, as part of a contractual agreement I made with the Minnesota Vikings, on the chance that Favraro did not commit a single turnover, I have to cede space to Favre himself right here in the middle of this very ring. Let’s see what he’s chosen for us to celebrate his achievement. I thought he’d go in this direction, but it looks like he chose something a little more of his generation:

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Related posts:

  1. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Bucs Game
  2. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game
  3. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Jaguars Game

2 Comments for “I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Doesn’t Watch the Second Half of the Skins-Vikings Game”

  • Sculptor?!? says:

    Goddamn I miss you guys.

  • 8yearoldsdude says:

    I thought losing at home was the sign of a bad fanbase/stadium.

    also, how have we not a had a pu**ywrangler jeans spoof somewhere on the interwebs for king of Kiln? (I’d also settle for a bad idea jeans spoof.)


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