Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Wednesday August 31st 2011

I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Jaguars Game

Merry Christmas TO THE GROUND!!!!! Enjoy your Cockburn! Don’t pump that garbage through my veins!!!!!

Of course, any Skins win at this point is bittersweet since a truckload of teams just passed them for draft position. I don’t have much to say about this game besides that without Maurice Jones-Drew, the Jaguars kinda munch on a butt. And if the Skins’ pass defense were a condom, it couldn’t even cover my minuscule johnson. Anyway, I did appreciate getting use that clip and my digestive system appreciated the lack of Cockburn. Though I did chug some Sandeman port straight out the bottle on Christmas Eve so my grandparents, who like port as we’ve discussed in the past, would know to get some more instead of accidentally serving a fifth of a bottle. I don’t know why I wasn’t Time’s Man of the Year either, except that magazine might be dead. Anyway, let’s check in with our official Cockburn Count Correspondent after the jump.It appears the Count is on special assignment this week counting the number of extraneous college football bowl games. Which means he’ll be counting all of them. However, his counting skills might earn him a Black Bone from the University of Georgia (not racist or sexual). He should be back next week after the Skins play the still playoff-eligible Giants, who are freeeeeeeeeee … free-fallin’. In a related story, Elisha Manning (real name, no gimmicks) is both a good girl and crazy about Elvis. Now that I’ve just referenced an actual good song, I suppose that brings us to our Official Ironic Victory Song:

Wait a minute! If I’m not drinking Cockburn, that means … someone else has to!!!!!


We might as well just send it to LA so it will be waiting for the Jags when they move.


And lest you feel cheated, there’s more Cockburn-fueled goodness on the way this week. I just couldn’t run it today because of that whole stupid victory thing.

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Related posts:

  1. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Bucs Game
  2. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game
  3. I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game

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