Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Monday August 22nd 2011

Logic is interviewed on the NFL Season

Please. No press. Real bloggers don't post pictures of themselves..

Host: Welcome! Welcome one and all. We haven’t had an interview with our pseudo-celebrity guest, Logic…(sigh) in a while so let’s have at it, I guess?

Logic: (rips line of oxycontin, turns to host) Well, hello beautiful. Let’s get this show on the road. What am I fielding questions about? Your mother and her rounds at the adult shop glory holes? She doesn’t think we can see her…but we can. (pulls out Four Loko)

Host: God dammit, behave yourself. Put the coffee beer away, will ya? Now let’s see if we can get some questions for you on the NFL season thus far. (to media) Okay, so any questions involving the 2010 season, Logic will answer. Don’t forget to razz the old bean on being a Giants fan! HURRR

Logic: (pushes host’s face, points to interviewer)

Interviewer 1: Who do you feel is the strongest candidate for the MVP this season? Tom Brady?

Logic: What do you work for the NFL? You want me to say Tom Brady? Well, I won’t. Sure he’s one of the hottest players in football but it’s because the NFL wants you to believe that! I was going with Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers but a concussion and a loss prevented that from happening. I actually would like to see Matt Ryan win it. He’s been cold as ice this season, earning his nickname and carrying his team to 11-2 so far. Next.

Interviewer 2: Who is the biggest disappointment this season?

Logic: Biggest disappointment…hmm. I like where your head is at. Don’t harp on the good of players, point out who is shitty and cause depression in their frail, athletic minds that can’t process thoughts well. I would say, Chris Johnson flopped pretty hard after his prediction of 2,500 yards rushing. So that was stupid of him to say. And fantasy wise, Tony Romo ruined my season for being hurt and crushing the Cowboys as well..so I’d say it’s a toss up between them

Interviewer 3: How can someone injured be a disappointment?

Logic: Because are you happy with people who are on the sidelines? What is wrong with you. Get AIDs fuck-cunt. Oh and Favre. Favre was a disappointment. (lights cigarette)

Interviewer 4: Listen, guy…you don’t have to curse at us. We’re humans too. Anyway, how do you feel about Brandon Spike on Adderrall?

Logic: Don’t threaten me with a good time, okay? If he wants to take legal speed, let him. I once stayed up for 56 hours straight in college on that and I still had to go to lacrosse practice during finals because I would’ve lost my starting spot to a giant black man who would eventually end up being All-Conference. If any of that is a lie, let God force me to have sex with your parents. Both of them. Anyway, I think that as a professional athlete you need to be aware of the rules and regulations of the league. Remember, this is their job. If you had to take vicodin at my job, you would have to tell the boss and he probably wouldn’t let you drive the forklift. My point? Well, you need to tell your boss when you are on drugs. For real. Especially a PED like Adderrall. Though I do feel that if he was prescribed, that there should be a 2 game suspension for not following rules as opposed to maliciously taking a street drug. To have a set 4 game suspension in case some doctors are corrupt is very jaded and skeptical of the NFL. Just look into it. The NFL private detectives could probably even find Carmen Sandiego.

Interviewer 5: Who is the best team in the league right now?

Logic: DA BEST TEAM IN DA FACKIN’ LEAGUE IS DA NEW ENGLAND FOOTBAWL RED SAWX. WITH GUYS LIKE DANNY “DA GRIT FARMAH” WOODHEAD AND WELKAHHH DERE IS NO STOPPIN’ A TEAM LIKE DA GREATRIOTS. WE BARELY GOT ANY DAHHKIES AND WE STILL WIN GAMES, NO ONE DENIES THIS.

Interviewer 6: Do you think Brett Favre should retire?

Logic: I don’t care. The streak of 297 games ended tonight against my Gmen because the Giants would’ve physically killed Favre. They are practically killing Tarvar . I think Favre should just retire, though. Let the NFL and the Vikings move on because we all know that the Land Baron caused Trophy Barren. It’s fact not fiction, playboy.

Interviewer 7: How did your fantasy team fare? And who were your studs?

Logic: In my 3 leagues (2 money, 1 for TGB) I went a total of 23-16 which lead to a 2nd place and 3rd place regular season finish. The 2nd money league I was in has 3 divisions which is weird and I don’t trust it because the West division in that league is like the NFC West. People are limping in worse than a veteran’s clinic.

I guess I’ll only talk about the one team that I really follow with my high school friends. I told you, I had Romo. After the Romo deal I traded Hakeem Nicks and Steven Jackson for Aaron Rodgers and DeSean Jackson. All of which were a pleasure to own while healthy. Dwayne Bowe was probably my biggest surprise. I liked having Malcom Floyd and the Giants defense from the draft. Although my first round pick of Ryan Matthews was the biggest bust of the year. (looks at TV, watch Schaub to Andre Johnson 41 yard TD) Well, that about does it for my season. I was up 121-118 and all I had left was the Giants D and Tynes. He had Schaub and Andre. I was down 20 at the beginning of the day. Came back to almost win. Heartbreaking. (sips whiskey flask)

Interviewer 8: What is your Super Bowl prediction?

Logic: I’m going with Eagles v. Saints and Pats v. Steelers to become Eagles v. Steelers for a boring ass Super Bowl for anyone outside that stupid state. That’s just how God wants it.

Interviewer 9: As a Giants fan do you think they can over take the powerful force in the division that is Michael Vick?

Logic: At this point, if Michael Vick started dog fighting again…would anyone even care? I mean, I know OJ Simpson is unimpressed but no one cares that he maliciously did this for years because he’s good at throwing leather while running faster than white people? You people are so far up this guy’s asshole that you can’t see your feet. That team is almost as screwed up as the Jets. Too many personalities and drama which is all going to get squashed by their fat coach. Almost identical if you think about it. And an ideal sumo match. Last question.

Interviewer 10: Being from New York and speaking of the Jets, how do you feel about the New York Jets and their season through week 14?

Logic: I haven’t seen Jets crash and burn like that since September… (EXPLETIVE DELETED)

Host: ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH! I’VE HAD IT! CUT THE FEED. CUT THE FUCKING FEED!!

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10 Comments for “Logic is interviewed on the NFL Season”

  • Old King Clancy says:

    How the hell can I razz you for being a Giants fan? The Giants are actually good at football and not a national embarrassment.

    Well played, sir.

  • Old King Clancy says:

    Look at us functioning like a well-oiled functional blogging machine so far this week!

  • PJD says:

    “and I still had to go to lacrosse practice…”

    What a queer.

  • Logic says:

    I will pay for your flight to Manhattan and treat you to New Year’s Eve in the city if you could last 60 minutes on a lacrosse field with me.

    • Old King Clancy says:

      Damn skippy, like a true lacrosse player he’ll even take time out to rape 2 women at a time during the game and still run circles around you.

      /actually enjoys watching lacrosse

  • Logic says:

    Damn right, OKC! It’s really a decent sport. It’s just the stereotypical lacrosse player is a total douche-bro so therefor the nerds of the Internet begin to hate it and think anyone can play it.

  • Old King Clancy says:

    I’m from a lacrosse-friendly state as well, Logic. I also covered it (women’s) in college. They are not difficult to look at most of them. Though women’s lax has some fucked-up rules in it. If someone has a direct shot to the goal and you impede it, they get a penalty shot. It’s called a “shooting space violation.” I call it “playing fucking defense.”

  • Logic says:

    Yeah I bagged an all-american girl’s lax star when i was in college..not only was she sexy but she had some stamina.

    I really think because it is considered a higher class sport where richer kids play it, and the douche rep the Duke kids gave it…is why everyone hates it. Most people like hockey and it’s basically hockey with the puck in the air and on grass or turf.


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