Alright, I got some gratuitous pug action. Thanks, FilmDrunk for finding the pic. This is also where I reveal that I will be disposing of all of my disposable income in Atlantic City this weekend, starting tomorrow at 12PM. So I won’t be here for any gambling action or posting tomorrow or throughout the weekend. I’m sorry, I guess. I’m also sorry for not really writing a solid Night Cap because Flash Foward and then It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia was on.
Gambling Addiction?
NFL best bet: Giants (-3) at TAMPA BAY
NCAAFB best bet: GEORGIA TECH (-2.5) v. North Carolina
Ok this is a brand new segment of our blog, mostly because no one has ever asked me a question before. Other than: “Can you stop being an asshole?” Well the answer to that is “No.” However, if you need help with anything please use the comment section or email me at HatedHero11@Gmail.com and I will respond to the best of my knowledge, especially if I know nothing of the topic in which I’ll go through it logically. Ba-dump-bump.
I’ll start off by reciting the email.
Dear Logic,
First off, long time reader, first time writer. Secondly, I know you’re probably busy being a highly touted sports blogger and all, but have you seen this dishonorable act in Kansas City? My kid was forced to let this 5’3”, 110 lb. mongoloid score a touchdown! It’s ridiculous. I just can’t believe that coaches would create a situation under a ruse and allow it to affect the official score! That’s what scrimmages are for, God Damn it! This is despicable. I am outraged. My son’s team was going to shut out their biggest rival 49-0 and all of a sudden some windowlicking waterhead is running by normal kids who might catch retard from him.
Coach McEnaney should be booted from football altogether! Letting Down’s patients in football? What’s next? Are we going to let the Jews in Church? No! Not on my watch! That’s a holy place, for Pete’s sake. The worst part of it all, is that my son’s team was posting a shut out! Is nothing sacred? That’s like pitching a perfect game and then the manager on the other team put’s in some kid with retarded fish-frog genes and gets a walk. Are you going to ruin it for that kid? Of course not! So why create some imaginary situation and alter a score of a game? It’s dishonorable, that’s what it is. It’s like slapping in the face to Derrick Thomas right in his face.
Just because his parents sinned and created some demonseed with a drooling problem doesn’t mean my kid shouldn’t be aloud to pad his stats and cause a fumble! I vow to never bet on high school football again after this. You have my word, Logic. Never again. The Under was set at 54! And I lost…
Well, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. I was curious of your thoughts on this pressing matter. Should I send a letter to my congressman? Big fan.
Sincerely,
Special Needs Dad
Dear Special Needs,
I don’t know what the hell you were thinking about sending me this link. Honestly. You know it’s too cringe-worthy to stay away but I’m trying to shape up before Gally canes me again. He just hired an enforcer. A 6’3” woman who roller derbies or something. I don’t know, haven’t paid much attention. I hate you, Special Needs.
Actual Play:
That was like visual pollution. I don’t know what’s faker, the defense’s effort or the cheering from the stands. Good for little Ziesel, it’ll be the highlight of his life and he’ll tell everyone else the rest of his life how he scored a touchdown in high school. Way to go, Kansas City. You know how many high fives people are going to HAVE to give this kid and then immediately wash their hands? What the eff is wrong with you? The Waterboywas a movie! You don’t put mongoloids special needs children on the football field! They can get hurt. And if you really want the kid to be happy, why not let him do well on his own athletic talent like the autistic kid who drained the 3 pointers in basketball. Or the other option, NOT LET HANDICAPPED KIDS PLAY SPORTS.
Well, I hope that answered all your questions. Thanks for the letter.
I wasn’t even going to post today because I will be commenting at Last Call for the Phoenix Pub all night tonight, especially during The Ultimate Fighter episode, but that was until I met Kenyon Blue of Idaho State. This guy is ridiculous. Every single move he has is ridiculous and breaks an ankle or starts a fire. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy that fast. I must know his 40 yard dash time. Immediately.
Music:
The Shout Out Louds- You Are Dreaming.
/sliceswrist.
Gambling Addiction?
Phoenix Mercury v. Los Angeles Sparks UNDER (177)
We went deep into the Addiction because we had the itch tonight (and drinking). As always, lines are brought to you by Centsports.
the Papa from Mamas and Papas was a sick bastard. I guess I needed to put that because that is what everyone is talking about these days. I mean he only raped her for 10 years. Pshh. No biggie.
To be honest, I know WWTDD, WithLeather, FilmDrunk and WarmingGlow but this Recall site with the same format as them has had some solid posts the last two days. Including this on Rampage Jackson retiring.
Tonight: No action. Too late to bet tonight + No football tomorrow = No Action.
I also hit with the Minnesota Vikings in the Suicide Pool. I’ll get back with a pick for that later in the week. Most likely Thursday.
As always Spreads are brought to you by Centsports where you can follow Gimp, Gally and I with our degenerate gambling ways.
Links:
In lieu of my Herschel Walker/MMA post, here is a longer list of other athletes turning to MMA/Boxing and surprisingly, the List of Professional Athletes that turned to MMA/Boxing is actually much more interesting than I thought. And to be honest, much more talented.
I have no idea who Nicola Roberts is but she sure is a snappy dresser!
And since this is supposed to be a video games blog as well as sports, Fallout 3 and Halo 3
"At Least I'm Not Chad Ochocinco, Dude is gonna get beat up by Merriman..."
It has been a long,hard 11 months for an exceptional athlete in the NFL and his name isn’t Michael Vick or Donte Stallworth. Arguably, the most talented of the three NFL’ers has finally been sent “up the river” today in front of his father and 2 year old son, Eli. I’m hearing the child is not named after dopey, aw-shucks QB, Elisha Manning but many are speculating as to otherwise. Plaxico has been sentenced to 2 years in prison which can be considered 20 months on good behavior. 20 months in a prison, for shooting himself in the leg, is insanity. He was made an example by NY Courts and the Mayor which isn’t fair to him or his family. Pity party over.
Burress’ punishment is a little too strict for the crime. First, it is almost an identical sentence that Michael Vick got for owning, funding and operating a dog fighting ring for 6 years. Secondly, it’s 36.5 times harsher than the punishment that Donte Stallworth received for killing a man in a DWI manslaughter case. So this is by far the harshest punishment for the weakest crime. Besides, it was an expired license for the gun. It’s not like anybody actually thought he just threw it out after the registration expired.
And after a full day of news about Plaxico Burress heading to Reicher’s Island, many are forgetting about the impact that he is having on OTHER people. Burress has added to the recession by letting his clothing line “Celibate LLC” go bankrupt in his absence. The company had to lay off 30,000 workers today. Many of which were actually white people. This is leading many to believe as to why Burress was given such a strict penalty from the liberal minded state. When asked as to why his company was named “Celibate”, Burress said “..because I don’t give a fuck!” As it has been said on the record by Under Armour INC. “Celibate was at an all time high after the Giants’ Super Bowl win but dipped ever since the legal trouble”. They feel that the sentencing was also a reaction to the 30,000 laid off WASPs in the Midwest that were jobless, thanks to Celibate Industries.
Experts from the BPDBB (Busy People Doing Business Bureau) released a statement saying: “The courts were trying to deter athletes from carrying unlicensed guns with them to nightclubs, but when put in perspective, they simply deterred consumers from purchasing faulty sweatpants”. This is when the BPDBB conducted a study at retail outlets in which Celibate clothing was sold to ask consumers what the problem was: “It’s just that since he had the malfunction,” one man said, “I just don’t think he can protect this house…” His wife added: “The house he is in now, well, it’s just way too big to protect.”
Another man who wished to not be identified but will be anyway said “Dese sweatpants used ta be mah fav. for holdin’ a bunch of $1 bills so I could throw it at a bitch but now, if it ain’t gonna hold my piece and it goin’ to shoot mah leg, it ain’t worff it. Ya heard?” Pac Man Jones went on to say: “It just ain’t right for them to lock up Plax. He ain’t even kill nobody like other people in dis room. Na mean?”
I just got home from work and I started doing my random checks on the internet to scour for amusement/stories/porn. What’s one of the first things I see? Chad Johnson taking a page out of my playbook. That page? “When someone in your line of work does something that annoys you, challenge them to a boxing match. In this twitter argument (arguetwit?) Chad says he is going to “Floyd Mayweather Shawne Merriman for 8 rounds” (Note: Paraphrased). Though, I guess I swagger jacked him first. So we’re even now Estebomb…
This Stunt Will Surely Have Ramifications.
The deal is, I guess Ochocinco is trying to catch some double agent Korean spy-tail because he might have picked out the wrong person to antagonize. I mean that’s the only reason. There is no fathomable explanation as to why Ochocinco would call out this man. Oh and that man is Shawne Merriman and he accepts your dainty challenge. For those of you who don’t remember who he is, he may or may not have beaten the bejesus out of some salty Korean harlot and got suspended for performance enhancing drugs.
Logic: I Don't Care. I'd Still Hit It
Yeah that’s her, and no. Not that hit either. The hit hit. The sexy hit. Well she also responded that she is going to be placing a bet on Chad if the fight happens. So not only did she (possibly) get her ass beat for being a drunken mess while threatening to drive Shawne’s car to go sleep with Shawne’s friends… But she’s also a bad gambler that makes stupid bets. Tila, I’ll take action on that bet.I have to admit, she is dropping on my list.
But seriously, Chad? First you jump into the “Dawg Pound” in Cleveland and then the Lambeau Leap and now this? Do you have a death wish? Should I call Charles Bronson? You actually told the guy (possibly still) on steroids with the blue mohawk and a domestic violence arrest that you were going to break his jaw. I will say sir, I admire your moxie.
In a recent surge of ex-NFL players joining the MMA world, there is a new and bigger name than anyone in The Ultimate Fighter that premiered on Spike this Wednesday. Those NFL’ers are: Branden Schaub, Marcus Jones, Mike Wessel and Wes Shivers.
The bigger name? Herschel Walker and he is one of the best athletes that the NFL has ever seen. Not players, but rather one of the best “athletes” as in strength, speed, work out regimen, etc. He won the 1982 Heisman Trophy in his junior year of college. I feel (and I may not be alone) that he had a much better college career than he did in the NFL but I remember him fondly even though I was still in diapers during the beginning of his career.
Walker, who was selected to the Pro Bowl twice in his NFC East whoring career, is now 47 years old which is VERY old for the NFL and just “Over the Hill” for the UFC given what Randy Couture does for the sport at the ripe age of 46.
The crazy thing about Herschel Walker is that he was always had an insanely low body fat count with his psychotic training technique. Instead of using heavy weights such as dumbbells, Walker was all about calisthenics and bodyweight exercises that doesn’t take a toll on the body nearly as much as the former. In 2006 he told Jim Rome that he does 2,500 sit ups and 1,500 push ups every day. Let me be the first to say: “That’s more than Tank Abbot has done in his life”.
He is also a 5th or 6th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do (depending on where you look) . If he has any sort of wrestling background and works on some striking, he might not be horrible at this sport.
Let me also be one of the first to say “Strikeforce is effing desperate”.
Technically this is a Night Cap, but it’s way too early to be your last drink of the night. I just have to make like an aborted fetus and head out to a fundraiser. My buddy is running the NYC Marathon in honor of his father who recently died of lung cancer; there are going to be a bunch of kegs and people getting weird. So I needed to get a post out, because technically the interview was done last night.
I’m skipping tonight’s bet (okay, I’m not. It’s the Cubs over ST. LOUIS), but the real bet is Iowa (-4) against Arizona tomorrow. College football trumps baseball 10 times out of 10.
Suicide Pool Pick: Minnesota Vikings
Alright, let’s kick the tunes.
Compliments of my home town heroes Brand New- You Won’t Know.
Rock These Links:
WithLeather had a Power Rankings. I made it, and I’m actually pretty pumped about this. It may be cheesy self-promotion and soft money whoring, but with guys like Max Ballner running around trying to make me look stupid, it’s hard out there for a G. Ya heard?
This is why Big Daddy Drew gets book deals and 99.9% of other bloggers cry about it.
Here’s the deal. When I came on board at The Gally Blog we had a meeting of the minds and I had 2 main ideas to start the website off. The first is in the works.. the other? Well I’ll let you watch the promo:
Mike Tunison or “Christmas Ape” of just about any sports blog that is worth talking about (Most notably, Kissing Suzy Kolber) came out with a book, The Football Fan’s Manifesto (Click the Link to Buy it). And I just had to be an annoying douche and make Ape take time out of his busy day of ripping wings off of Ravens to answer some questions for our blog. This is how it went:
Logic: Before we get into the book, I admire that you were a journalist before becoming a full time blogger, do you think you have an edge because you know about sentence structure and how to format ideas into something legible? If so, you think you’re better’n me?
ChristmasApe: Having a major that involved writing often and concisely didn’t hurt. That said, if initially picking a professional field where there are no jobs is supposed to have given me a leg up, then, yeah, I crushed it.
Logic: Are there any hard feelings toward the Washington Post? Or do you think that the whole situation amplified your fame as an internet celebrity?
Ape: That fact that I wasn’t able to leave on my own terms still bugs me sometimes, but I don’t find myself missing the job a whole lot. It got me a decent amount of exposure, which has helped. At the same time, girls I’ll meet will Google me and give me a hard time for the parrot photo, so it’s a double-edged sword, I guess.
Oh. This Parrot Pic?
Logic: I read your interview with The Diamondback, still no love on the Wikipedia, huh?
Ape: Guess not. I am mentioned on the Kissing Suzy Kolber Wikipedia page. Still, suppose I have to sack up and admit failure in life for not having my own entry. And here I thought I was doing so well. [Shakes fist at heavens] One dayyyyyyy!
Logic: It’s ok buddy. My page comes up as a math equation. Alright let’s switch gears and talk about this book that I’ve never heard about from any of the blogs that you’ve written for (/sarcasm). The Football Fan’s Manifesto? Those other guys seem to be giving you a hard time about book whoring, are you paying them to wash your Benz now?
Ape: After Drew’s onslaught of book whoring, the other KSK writers barely even noticed my book whoring blitz. Still, gotta get the word out there however possible. The mainstream media outlets don’t tend to pay much mind to sports books written by bloggers.
Logic: Why do you think main stream media hasn’t taken to sports books written by sports bloggers? It seems just as legit as a player writing it or an analyst. I always say ESPN analysts are overpaid bloggers.
Ape: MSM outlets don’t want to legitimize bloggers who are stealing readers from them. Also, they have a misguided notion that most of what they do is more worthwhile than what we do simply because their employer has been around longer or has more prestige. Even if it’s often similar content.
Logic: I would even go as far to say that we have the upper hand because we are passionate for what we write about. Many of us even being volunteers and not just writing for a paycheck. Well, I’ve read the book and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was surprised you even had something nasty to say about the Steelers when you bashed every team. Was it hard?
Ape: I tried to be a little even-handed. The content is already masturbatory enough. Making it completely homerific too would be a little overkill. Still, I get plenty of extra hate in on teams I dislike.
Logic: I’m a Giants fan, I enjoy winning and have had a decent amount of success with this franchise, granted it’s not as much as the Steelers but would you rather have never even know the sport of football or be a Lions fan?
Ape: I’m friends with a couple Lions fans, bless their beaten down hearts. They maintain a healthy level interest in the league as a whole, all the better to not focus on your own team. Actually, they still manage to get excited at the start of every year, which can probably be attributed to severe megatardation. Either way, I can see a benefit to it – you can wryly dissect the rest of the league without riding the emotional roller coaster that mostly ends up in disappointment, since you know your team is going to lose anyway.
Logic: So what’s your choice? Lions or no NFL? There’s a gun to a loved one’s head.
Ape: Lions fan. Can’t live without the NFL in some capacity. Plus with the use of garbage bags, I’d save tons on my hat and haircut budget.
Logic: Imagine that there is an Eagles fan and a Ravens fan with you. In a room. There is one gun and one bullet. What do you do?
Ape: I’d shoot the Eagles fan and pistol whip the Ravens fan. Have to keep him alive so he can see his team lose to the Steelers three times a year.
Logic: Wow! I think I would’ve shot myself in that scenario. Kudos for doing your homework and being a hateful man. By the way mister, I really didn’t appreciate that championship lacrosse team crack. You know, I was on a championship lacrosse team in 2006 right? Well every girl in the tri-state knows…
Ape: You must have a bitching collection of visors. And STD’s.
Logic: Well, visors… not so much… Next question! Do you think fantasy football is good for the regular NFL fan?
Ape: Sure. It’s another element of drama. Granted, it can create some minor issues with rooting interest, but with a little mental disconnect, anyone can compartmentalize fantasy away from their actual fan interests. It also makes most fans more knowledgeable about the game. And God knows there are enough fuckwit fans out there already.
Logic: Alright, this question was debated amongst my friends the other day. Can one truly be a fan of a team without going to at least 1 live game a year? If no, how do they make it up?
Ape: I think that’s fine. Going to games is expensive and not everyone can swing it. At least try to make some social outings with your fandom, if possible. Like a team’s local bar, if possible. Or at least vandalize one rival fan’s car per year.
Logic: Hear that kids? If you don’t get arrested for criminal mischief, Aaron Rodgers won’t throw touchdowns. Ok, Can you give us your All-Douche Team? (at least the skill players, lineman aren’t true people)
Ape: Brett Favre, Philip Rivers, LenDale White, Cedric Benson, Terrell Owens, Brandon Marshall, Jeremy Shockey, Vince Wilfork, Albert Haynesworth, Leonard Little, Jared Allen, Ray Lewis, Brian Urlacher, Joey Porter, Terrell Suggs, DeAngelo Hall, Roy Williams
Logic: Brian Urlacher is a douche?
Ape: Dude slept with Paris Hilton. Only a certified douche would risk themselves for that beanpole with the vapid mind and cocktail of STDs.
Logic: Ok, you can fuck one, marry one and kill one. Erin Andrews, Suzy Kolber or Pam Oliver.
Ape: Guess I gotta fuck Erin Andrews because she’s the only one of the three who’s not at least 45. Marry Kolber, because you gotta keep the Matron Saint honest. Sadly gotta kill Oliver. Don’t have the problems with her the others seem to, but a woman turning 50 in two years loses out in this equation each time.
Logic: I think I’d have switch Suzy and Andrews. Andrews looks like a good cook. You definitely have to kill Oliver. She wants a black quarterback more than anything in her life. You can see it in her eyes when she interviews David Garrard. Anyway, I laughed pretty hard about the Girlfriend Wonderlic Test. How important is this and how many girls did you have to dump just to get one with a good score?
Ape: I don’t know, maybe I’m lucky, but I haven’t had a lot of difficulty finding women who are knowledgeable about sports. Still, for a guy who makes his living writing out of his apartment, turning away attractive and willing women for their football acumen probably isn’t the smartest move. There, YOU’VE SHIT HOLES IN MY SATIRE BOOK!
Logic: Couldn’t be. I haven’t shit solid in a decade. Alcoholism is a bitch. Lastly, any closing comments for the fans and potential book buyers?
Ape: Every time someone buys my book, Brett Favre gets placekicked in the dick. Crotch on the kicking tee and everything. Okay, maybe not true, but at least if someone placekicks him in the dick, I’ll give them a signed copy of the book.
Logic: Hear that? Brett Favre AND dick kicking. It’s like Jesus in paper form. I would like to thank Ape for taking the time to answer my shitty and annoying emails.
Gally: Don’t worry Ape, we’ll make a Wikipedia page for you.
I apologize for the lack of posting tonight. I went to go see Inglorious Basterds and it was fantastic. One of the best movie I saw in a long while. And I also updated the Fantasy Page and wrote a post but it’ll be posted at prime time tomorrow as opposed to my night blogging bullshit. No offense Night Owls.
So what does that mean? I didn’t get in a Gambling Pick to you guys. I’m sorry again. I went with:
Atlanta with Jurrjens on the mound straight up over the Mets and the Phillies with Hamels going (-1.5) over the Nationals.
I also took MIAMI (-4) over Ga. Tech with the OVER of 54.
So I hope you listened to me on some of these games. Nate Quarry was a big hit last night. And the OVER bet tonight is thanks to Gimp so don’t blame me if it doesn’t hit.
Drake (f. Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem)- Forever.
I don’t care, I need to get a little gangsta once in a while.
Links? Got ‘Em:
This guy is on a shit ton of drugs. He starts speaking in tongues. All on video camera. Police videos so they take a serious tone but it is effing hilarious.
Rihanna is wearing a see through shirt with her nipples pierced. I still think she’s hot. I don’t care if she’s damaged goods. She won’t be able to find better. If I just raise my voice without notice she’d shit herself. And then I’d be all like “Hit the gym, fattie” and she’d have to tell people that I’m good for her because I make her want to be a better person.
You know if there is any Hunter S. Thompson news, I’m going to post it. I didn’t even read it yet.
And Tucker Max news isn’t nearly as interesting anymore now that I think he’s a fake.
