If you haven’t heard yet, JaMarcus Russell was arrested in his Alabama house yesterday. It’s been all over the internet/ESPN and probably even your local newspapers. You should get out more, I’m starting to worry about you, man.
Back to the story, Russell was arrested on possesion of codeine syrup or in the drug world “lean”, “purple drank” or “sizzurp”. I’m not saying I know what it’s about but I’ve heard from friends that they call it that because it makes you feel like your “leaning”. Often people, who aren’t me, would use this syrup and mix it with Sprite then drop flavored candy like Jolly Ranchers in the bottom. I’ve heard it can be delicious and it’s almost like a mixed drink. I wouldn’t know though, when I broke my jaw (and had it wired shut), my cruel doctor prescribed Vicodin the size of horse tranquilizers that I had to fit behind my molars. Until my wisdom teeth started growing in literally days after. Sometimes life is just not fair, but I digress.
Russell had been cut by the Oakland Raiders and was in the process of looking for a job. It’s a sad story because he should have never even been a #1 pick and we all knew the Raiders were the only franchise dumb enough to take him. If he doesn’t play football ever again he will probably go down as the biggest bust of all time. Start crossing your fingers, Ryan Leaf.
Christmas Ape of KSK had a great joke on twitter saying that Russell was arrested with a drug called “lean” and he was looking for a drug called “accurate”.
Now that Lebron has chokedpurposely thrown lost his last game of the season for the Cleveland Cavaliers the offseason attention has already begun to focus on where Lebron James will play next season. The speculation has been centering on the New York Knicks for a while but has recently begun to include the New Jersey/Bronx/Russian Nets and the Chicago Bulls. There is also a strong contingent in the media who feel Lebron will stay in Cleveland out of loyalty to Ohio. That’s quite a bit of wishful thinking, Ohio. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently? I’m still predicting the New York Knicks or the Nets will be bron-bron’s next destination, especially after this video reeking of desperation. (more…)
Note to self: If you’re a white kid who wears glasses and sweats easily in your dainty 75 pound frame, sports may not be the thing for you. What may be in your future though is a ride in an ambulance, because I didn’t hear the kid cry, peep up, or whisper his last breathes or anything, which I can only assume then means that he’s dead.
Truth be told, this video scares the shit out of me. I almost had to do a double take on this little bastard because that looked suspiciously like me circa 1994. You fucking loser! I was hoping against hope that this kid would pull out an awesome dunk at the end, but no … I know how this story plays out. Nerdy kids get their faces smashed in the most embarrassing of ways.
And the other kids wondered why I’d sit inside all day playing Final Fantasy VII and smoking my brain dead. IT WAS SO TRIPPY!!
If there’s one thing I like more than steak, lesbian porn, and the occasional blumpkin it would have to be a good old fashion collision. And while soccer isn’t as contact oriented as say football and hockey, those footballers have been known to bring the pain from time to time. In this case it’s not a dirty slide tackle or a kick to an opponent’s head. No this time it’s one player crashing into his fellow teammate. Now I can’t really tell if the parties involved were really that injured or just really that embarrassed. However, while that is embarrassing, on the embarrassing scale crashing into your teammate is nowhere near as bad as that time I made out with my 2nd cousin as making out with your 2nd cousin at a frat party.
"It's cool man, I don't think anyone saw it." /pats and rubs back
Note to self: If ever in the public eye whether it be as an athlete or celebrity remember to watch what you say on social media outlets, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, and the cesspool known as MySpace. You never know if it will come back and bite you on the ass.
Jemere Holland, the WR for the Oregon Ducks, scratch that, former WR for the Oregon Ducks, didn’t get that memo. Holland was apparently a tad upset/angry/maybe a little drunk when he posted the following message as his Facebook status around 4 am Sunday morning:
how the f**k you kick kinko off the team,,, on some weak sh**, niggas always faded he slipped up but ive been slippn up, and I’m still here, that sh** weak buff cuh could have done damage for the ducks, that sh** is weak, weak ass f**k, quote me SbB
And quote we shall. Quote we shall.
The “Kinko” in question would actually be Kiko Alonso, a redshirt sophomore. He was busted Saturday for a DUI, or as I like to call it, “the Frat Boy Special”. It’s also important to note that Kiko was the 4th Duck to be arrested in the last month, which to me means they’re really taking the off season seriously in order to one-up the LaGarette Blount sucker punch of yesteryear. One can only hope.
No word yet on if Kiko is off the team. However, I’m not sure what’s worse: getting a DUI and getting kicked off the team, or getting a DUI and still being forced to wear those ugly fucking jerseys.
The past few weeks have been filled with alerts about what types of Super Bowl commercials are supposed to be airing during the big game next Sunday, especially the controversial ones. These notably include the ad that will preach to you about how much Tim Tebow loves to force women to keep a rape baby in their stomachs and then there is this other one for some type of web site dating and matching service. While I think Tebow’s commercial is obnoxious in that I was finally looking forward to one sporting day without him pulling a Favre on me, I finally saw this dating site commercial, thanks to Warming Glow, and took immediate offense. Why? Because it totally wouldn’t happen like that.
Alex Auld is a goaltender for the Dallas Stars of the NHL. Last night against his former team, the Vancouver Canucks, Auld tried to emulate his teammate Marty Turco’s prowess with the puck. He ended up emulating catch the greased up deaf guy from Family Guy, by slipping and giving the puck to Alex Burrows. Wait, two hockey posts in one week? Fuck and or yes kiddos. Football is winding down and where else are we going to get random acts of violence and depravity? Pitching and catching? Well maybe baseball’s pitching and catching is a little more depraved than we thought, but I doubt it.
Unfortunately, unlike the last blooper that I posted, Alex Auld has no excuse on this one. He’s not even French.
