Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Sunday February 5th 2012

‘Fantasy Baseball’ Archive

Fantasy Baseball Update

Here is your 51 Game MVP

I’m not positive if anyone cares about fantasy sports as much as I do. I’m in a deep 12 team (4 bench spots), 18 category league. So I pretty much live fantasy baseball when necessary but I have one other thing that I feel passionate about, in my life. And it that I HATE hearing people talk about stuff that I don’t care about. So, let me just warn you…If you don’t like fantasy baseball and droll rambling from the geekiest jock on the internet, I’d suggest not clicking “read more”. If you want to put in your pocket protector and tape up your glasses, come join me for a discussion on who is helping your team and who killed you.

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A Way Too Long Fantasy Baseball Preview

Tuxedo Cat is dressed and ready for the draft.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m a blogger by convenience. Apparently I also say gay things, or so says a bunch of people who worship a purple team, have a sex slave as their avatar and someone who can’t stop thinking about wanking it. Not to mention the hottest blogger in Blogfrica! Pffttt. That’s like being the best suicide bomber at Pearl Harbor. I digress, my fantasy baseball season is about to begin with a draft on the Ides of March so I needed to do research. Which would make a good blog post. So you’re welcome, Internet.

There are many websites and experts in fantasy baseball with a lot to say and “keys to winning your league”, which you probably have to pay for. It’s really aggravating. Just like how Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay have jobs. I heard McShay in an interview, and he said don’t take Suh with the first pick…/sigh

Fantasy experts are retarded. I don’t even begin to beg you to take my advice, let alone pay for it like Matthew Berry. Hell, the guy has 200k followers on Twitter. I didn’t think rapidly balding dorks were “in”? The main difference between me and him is simple, I don’t encourage taking my advice. Actually, I encourage quite the opposite. I usually do miserable. I can’t predict injuries worth a crap. I had Grady Sizemore and Cole Hamels last year. In football, I had Peyton Manning on his worst year since his rookie season. Even when I draft perennial talent, they do bad. There is nothing you can control. This isn’t like being the banker in Monopoly. However, here is the strategy I’m going to follow this year:

Draft an infield first: Last year, I took two OF’s first. Grady Sizemore at 12th and Matt Holliday at 13th overall. It didn’t work out well. It was also my first year of fantasy baseball, so don’t kill me just yet. After this year, if I don’t improve…then kill me. Actually, I’ll commit seppuku.  Well, the thing with taking outfielders as high picks is that the lower picked outfielders worked out better for the other guys. For instance, guys who drafted Ryan Braun, Carl Crawford or Jason Bay were much happier with their results than I was. This year, rather than reaching on guys like Ryan Braun, Carl Crawford, Matt Kemp (my top 3) why not draft a guy like Sizemore or Josh Hamilton coming off a down year? Or wait for a Zobrist or Adam Dunn. Those guys didn’t just lose their talent. Everyone is entitled to a down year. Also, See: Upton, BJ. (more…)

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