In Honor of Parks and Recreation’s Return Tonight
I know this isn’t new, but it’s about the most ridiculously addictive thing ever.
Good luck unsticking that from your head. Sorry.
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‘FJM’ Archive
Better Pwn a Columnist: Yeah, Still Fighting It
I know it’s been a while since I’ve mocked professional blowhard John Dudley. If you remember my classic post that started my public hatred of the man, he ripped Bob Sanders to shreds for no real reason. I’ve stayed away from Duds because HE WROTE A GLOWING ARTICLE ABOUT SANDERS. I refuse to link to it. Basically, Jo-Du was pissed because Sanders wouldn’t grant an interview, and then changed back to loving him when he did. That’s not Journalism, that’s 17-year-old-girl-that-thinks-she’s-better-than-everyone-and-will-end-up-fat-and-pregnant-in-two-years-type crap. So, that’s out of the way. I found another of his “Thoughts, deep and shallow…” articles, which usually means he doesn’t have enough *ahem* “material” to turn anything into a full fledged “article”. This is no exception. So, in honor of my pending return to Erie, here we go. (As always- Duds in bold, me in not-bold)
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Better Pwn A Columnist: Round 3
For those of you that don’t read my stuff or suffer horribly crippling amnesia every few weeks, I’ve been tearing apart John Dudley, a columnist (in the loosest sense of the word) for the Erie Times-News, and his columns, sporadically. Partly because I had to read him through most of my younger years, partly because he took some unnecessary shots at Bob Sanders (who, by all accounts, is a great guy), and partly because I think I could do his job better than him, Better Pwn A Columnist was born. As always, if anyone would care to send my hatred his way, I wouldn’t stop you.
For this, the third installment of a 2,193 part series, J-Dizzle decided that he was going to lay down some knowledge the only way someone like he can. With 26 consecutive one-line paragraphs- or as it’s known, “Plaschke-style”. So let’s see what insider knowledge he has on some little-known prospect. (His words in bold, mine in not-bold)
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In Defense of (Not Especially Healthy) Food
In case you weren’t aware, by day, I am a mild mannered Food Scientist. That is, until Ralph Wilson dies and leaves me the ownership of the Buffalo Bills in his will. IT COULD HAPPEN DON’T KILL MY DREAMS. Anyway, my profession, and the industry of food itself, tends to take a lot of flack from people. Namely, complete idiots. These are the people that believe Jack LaLaine when he tells you that “you need a degree in literature just to understand this stuff!” (No, Jack, just a rudimentary understanding of chemistry. Of course, I could probably put Dihydrogen Oxide on a label and scare you). Generally, I spare most people my rants- my apologies to the random girl at the Phyrst last year that I yelled at for thinking that organic foods were far superior, don’t mess with a drunk food scientist- but every now and then, someone is so dumb, I feel the need to mock them anonymously via the internet. This is one of those times.
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Better Pwn a Columnist: Round 2
In case you missed the first installment, I called out John Dudley, an idiot columnist for the Erie Times News. We had a lovely email exchange where I sent him a link to the rebuttal, and he politely told me that he didn’t click on strange links and wouldn’t read it if I put it in an e-mail. So for now until I get bored or Gally makes me stop, I’ll be mocking some of his archives now and then. First up, this gem from February 16. As always, his words in bold, mine in not.
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No, You Suck: A Totally Rational Reply to a Small Town Journalist
You haven’t heard of John Dudley. Why? Because you a) have never lived in Erie, PA, b) are a fan of intelligence or c) Jay Mariotti is all the blowhard you need. Dudley writes- in the loosest “there are words on paper that he put there” sense of the word- for the Erie Times-News as a sports columnist. He also likes to fancy himself as a credible voice on national stories. I mean, if you wanted a take on Tiger Woods, why would you read Dan Jenkins when you could read THE John Dudley (seriously though- Jenkins piece is fantastic and he is a remarkably entertaining, if infrequent, Twitterer). Generally speaking, he (and his cohort, Matt Martin) drove me nuts through my formative years- because before the internet, I had to read the Erie paper and the occasional SI in the doctor’s office to get my sports news. I had always wanted to tear a piece of his apart for humor’s sake (fisking, as the kids say), but then he wrote this.
And totally made it necessary.
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