Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Thursday February 9th 2012

‘Gally Blog Fantasy Football Competition’ Archive

Fantasy Football Update Weeks 3 and 4

But don't you wish it was?

Welcome to the Ultimate Jinx post. I did so much shit talking last week to try to instill some fun in this dull league, turns out I got zero smack talk comments in reply and the message boards on the league aren’t much funner. For a league full of self important blogging personalities, it really is boring to cover. Other than that? I just jinxed myself into losing 2 straight.

Well, to be honest I’m writing this post Monday at 3:15PM because it’s the only time I can get around to it so I won’t know if I lose until after it’s published. I guess I’ll just get onto the winners and losers of the last two weeks? Does anyone from the league even read this shit? It’s like playing fantasy football against a bunch of deaf/mute/handless douche bags who think they are too good for you.

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The Gally Blog Fantasy Football League

Guess how old I am in this picture?

And we’re back! Back to my favorite time of the year. Right after you draft your fantasy football team and right before the first game where you get to talk as much shit as you want. You drafted the best team in the world. Doesn’t matter if you have Leinart, Houshmandzadeh, Roethlisberger, Vincent Jackson, Brandon Jacobs, Willie Parker, Brian Westbrook and Antonio Bryant. Hey, at least you didn’t draft Chris Henry!

Anyway, I had a 3 part fantasy blog but I only got around to 2 of them. Mostly because I wanted to save the third part for the first round of our fantasy draft. I’m in 4 leagues this year so I’m going to try to not talk about my outside players. My one consistent in all of the leagues is Ryan Matthews from the San Diego Chargers, so expect to hear about him a lot. Especially if he wins Rookie of the Year like Peter King suggested on Twitter. *puts gun to head* Yeah that was basically the kiss of fucking death for my teams.

So the line up is all sports blogger, again. Sorry readers. We couldn’t have all 6 of you this year! We needed to make room for some new writers and old friends. Don’t forget to join our Pick Em league to pick against us!

Of course we have The Gally Blog favorites like Gally (The Harry Seawords), Chubs K-Gun (Beck University), Gimp (I Heart Moobs) and Nonpopulist (Ground and Pound Zero…oof. Really?). And yes, I added the twitter address of each player and will type up their starters but not their entire team (and I’m putting who I would start as the flex, not who they currently have). We do a 1 QB, 2 WR, 2 RB, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 Def and 1 Flex for this league and our flex is a WR/TE not a RB/WR, so keep that in mind. I do need to sniff some vicodin and jerk off later, you know…

Gally’s team: Aaron Rodgers, Michael Crabtree, Jeremy Maclin, Jamaal Charles, Jahvid Best, Dallas Clark, Dexter McCluster, David Akers and no current defense? I don’t know how that strategy will work out for him but I promise I will keep you posted! Gally also picked a Chief and a Lion with his first two picks, so he might save me from the PK Curse.

Chubs’ team: Kevin Kolb, Roddy White, Greg Jennings, Ray Rice, Knowshon Moreno, Kellen Winslow, Robert Meachem, Nate Kaeding, and Green Bay/Pittsburgh. Looks like Chubs missed the draft as well because he drafted Sidney Rice who I thought was out for the season? If not, I know he is out at least 8 weeks. Not worth holding onto for that long. Oh, and good luck with the homer Buffalo picks!

Gimp’s team: Gimp and I made a side bet for the consolation 5th place game last year that the loser would have to eat chicken fat bought from a can at the store. I won and Gimp never paid this bet. I will not bet him for anything this year until we see him eating some GD chicken fat. His team is: Matt Schaub, Steve Smith (Carolina), Percy Harvin, Frank Gore, Josheph Addain, Heath Miller, Dez Bryant, Ryan Longwell and Miami. I don’t really like that Gimp drafted 3 QBs and the Lions back up Tight End. I think he can find a better one out there. Even better than Heath Miller, really. Oh did I mention one of the 3 QBs is Brett Favre? Yeah. Die, Gimp.

Nonpop’s team: Tony Romo, Pierre Garcon, Wes Welker, Ahmad Bradshaw, Michael Turner, Jermaine Gresham, Santana Moss, Adam Vinatieri, Baltimore. It looks like Nonpop decided to take all #2 WR’s and some TE that no one has ever heard of. Very risky.

We also have some cool people from last year’s league like Punte (of KSK and Withleather) and Brandon who split a team once again. They have appropriately named their team after “Gally’s Broken Heart” which is complete with a Papa Roach lyric. Hopefully they pay attention and don’t fuck me out of a playoff spot for a second time this year…

Punter and Brandon’s team: Drew Brees, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, Rashard Mendenhall, Arian Foster, Visanthe Shiancoe, Joshua Cribbs/Vincent Jackson after week 4, David Buehler and San Diego.

We have a new comer named Fetch (Inappropriate Joke) who had a smoking hot girl as their twitter picture. I don’t know them, so I don’t know if that was them, so let’s hope it is. Though, it is gone now. Their team is: Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Steve Smith (NYG), Chris Johnson, Ryan Grant, Antonio Gates, Johnny Knox, Stephen Gostkowksi, NYJ/Dallas.

Also in the league, good friend from the blogosphere and twitter but newcomer to the league BP Douglas (of Broncos Stable) and his team “Reign in Blood”. Their team is Carson Palmer, Calvin Johnson, Miles Austin, Adrian Peterson, Ricky Williams, Zach Miller, Bernard Berrian, Rob Bironas and Cincinnati. I think I like this team as the favorite. Plus he gets Santanio Holmes after week 4.

Making a new appearance in the league is our man Lowercase from Football on the Fringe and his team “Lead the League in Beers”. He took a long hiatus, but he is back to blogging and ranking the college football that no one watches better than ever! His team is Tom Brady, Reggie Wayne, Mike Sims-Walker, Ronnie Brown, Steven Jackson, Jermichael Finley, Donald Driver, Lawrence Tynes, New Orleans.

This year we have the brains from Blogs with Balls and an extremely cool guy, HHReynolds who owns and operates HHReynolds.com, and his team named “HHCarmichael”. HHR missed most of the draft due to family obligations so he had some rough picks. His team is: Matt Cassel, DeSean Jackson, Ochocinco, MJD, Pierre Thomas, Brent Celek, Kenny Britt, Mason Crosby/Ryan Longwell and Minnesota. Yeah, that’s right. He drafted 2 kickers. He also drafted TJ Houshmandzadeh. Yeah.. Tough one, bud.

Also a newcomer to our league but a good friend of the Gally Blog’s and a cool guy to follow on twitter Max Power from Daddy’s Sugar Ball. His team is the Christ Punchers: Matt Ryan, Randy Moss, Dwayne Bowe, Shonn Green, LeSean McCoy, Tony Gonzalez, Derrick Mason, Robbie Gould and Philadelphia. I don’t like that McCoy pick but he does have solid back ups with Marion Barber and Clinton Portis which are pretty damn good #3 and #4 backs.

Returning to our league for the second consecutive year, Canadian mustache enthusiast and OUR RETURNING CHAMPION, Andrew Bucholtz and his team “Men without Pants” He writes for NUMBEROUS blogs and is an excellent writer, so I’ll just link what his twitter says. He can always correct me and I’ll add a different blog to the next update. His team, Phillip Rivers, Andre Johnson, Hines Ward, DeAngelo Williams, Cedric Benson, Vernon Davis, Mike Wallace, Garret Hartley, San Francisco. Hopefully Andrew will get what is coming to him as well, because Gally bet Andrew over the championship game that the loser had to write poetry. Yeah, I don’t get it either. it’s a Canadian thing. However we didn’t see any poetry… Yeah 2 bets that went unpaid.

And of course, me. Logic and my team “Condoms are so 80s”. Let me know, because I can change that team name to the “Haitian Zombies” as soon as possible. I have the Zombies in a lot of other leagues so I tried to switch it up. My team is: Peyton Manning, Marques Colston, Hakeem Nicks, Ryan Matthews, Matt Forte, Jason Witten, Malcom Floyd/Owen Daniels/Golden Tate, Neil Rackers and NYG. I think I’m fucked. I added all of those guys to the flex because 1 is an unproven veteran starting after an impressive preseason, 1 is coming off of a season ending injury and the last is a rookie. Whoever performs the best, is going to start. Simple as that. I’ll also pretend to play the matchups but always end up fucking myself.

END TRANSMISSION.

Alright and that does it for our pre-Week 1 update. If you want the first 2 rounds posted, I will do that for the second round. Just drop a comment. I know no one really reads this shit so unless I get a comment or two, I won’t put this much time into the posts. Hey, my editor started this sentiment with Last Call.

/ba dump chhhhh

So good luck to all of the players and hopefully we don’t have a bunch of bet welchers this time and hopefully for the future everyone is there for the GD draft and we don’t double draft kickers and 3 QB’s plus Sidney Rice and Houshmandzadeh. PRE RANK YOUR PLAYERS! Okay, sorry. I get itchy without my porn and vicodin.

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The Gally Blog’s Fantasy Football Extravaganza

Hello Blogfrica and random readers. We here at the Gally Blog consider ourselves something of a sporting website. We may not exactly be credentialed, or sober, but that doesn’t make us unqualified to pretend we are. The NFL season is nearly upon us and with that is Fantasy Football. So we here are going to combine all of that. We’re holding a Blogger Fantasy Football exhibition. Some of us here at the Gally Blog will be participating, as will members of the sports blogging community for ultimate bragging rights. This year there is a prize for the winner. Last year it was just for the pride of winning, or coming in almost dead last like Gimp. Yeah, that’s right, this is the SECOND ANNUAL Gally Blog Sports Blogger Fantasy Football League of No Pants. Next year I’ll see if I can increase the title length, because that just doesn’t seem long enough.

We will do regular updates about it, and I’m sure logic will go crazy if he wins. If you or someone you know is interested in participating or sponsoring, hit me up. My info is up at the top right, and the comments section is available as always. Now on to the current participants and their teams.

Myself: The Harry Seawords
Josh Zerkle and Brandon: Gally’s Broken Heart- Josh is the editor of With Leather, and contributor at KSK as well as at RedKix with Brandon.
Nonpopulist: Ground And Pound Zero- Nonpopulist writes here and at Nonpopulist:
Logic:: Condom’s Are So 80′s- Logic writes here and at Hammer Fisted
Hugging Harold Reynolds: HHCharmichael- HHR runs the Blogs With Balls conference and writes at Hugging Harold Reynolds
Andrew Bucholtz: Men Without Pants- Andrew is our reigning champion. He writes at Sporting Madness as well as everywhere else. If you ask nicely he’ll tell you, he’s Canadian after all.
lowercase: LeadTheLeagueInBeers- lowercase runs the awesomely detailed Football on The Fringe all by himself. He’s a CFB nut, so we won’t sweat him when he comes in last place.
Bryan Douglass: Reign of Fire- Bryan is the Managing Editor of the Fanball Sports Network as well as an Associate Editor for Fanball
Robert Littal: ?- Rob is the big chief over at Black Sports Online as well as a variety of other projects.
Fetch: Inappropriate Joke- Fetch is primarily known for his work at The Beadlemaniacs, but like many of the guys here is kind of a writing whore.

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Sports Blogger Fantasy Football Year 1 Conclusion

Blogger. Canadian. CHAMPION.
Blogger. Canadian. CHAMPION.

And that’s that folks. The fantasy football year is over. Hopefully in some way your league decides who gets first pick for next year and you received it. That way, you can get Adrian Peterson or most likely Christ Johnson next year. Me? I’m going Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Randy Moss. Or something like that. In order of how they would get drafted, of course. I’ll probably have last pick in my money league and see where I land in this Blogger League. I finished in 6th place after a loss to Doktakra in the consolation game. But more importantly, we are still waiting on el Gimpo to eat his chicken fat.

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Sports Blogger Fantasy Football League Weekly Update: Play Off Edition

Giants Camp Football
I'm Not Sayin' Nothin'. You Just Know.....

Man, that title just didn’t seem to stop. Ok, so Gimp had a semi-update on our fantasy league. I guess as Ernie Anastos says, “Keep fucking that chicken”. I was lucky Gimp didn’t start Ahmed Bradshaw. He was lucky I didn’t want to play the waiver wire and look for a WR because Braylon Edwards would’ve tempted me. Not to mention my RB trouble and Jerome Harrison having his career in a night. Now, for a quick playoff update from our league.

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Sports Blogger Fantasy Football Update: Playoff Edition


Logic's Fantasy Advice! Found in Truck Stops Everywhere!!
Logic's Fantasy Advice! Found in Truck Stops Everywhere!!

Hi there. Logic here. Sorry about the lack of Fantasy Updates during my hiatus. I promise. I’ll make up for it here. This is like the Jackass Global Domination of MTV or whatever. Starring yours truly, Johnny Logixville. Get ready for a roasting.

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Week 10 Fantasy Football Breakdown

This is a weekly breakdown of fantasy football but more specifically The Gally Blog Fantasy Football Competition. Our league features some of the Internets best up and coming writers, as well as a few established pros. The last time I won a fantasy league was when I drafted LT, before the advent of platoon RB situations, and he ran for 2000 yards. This year, I’m in first place but don’t think that I know anything about football. Logic normally writes these updates but he’s studying for the LSAT, so it’s up to me to cover this post and pick up the slack on being an offensive asshole. That’s enough of me yammering on, here’s the actual stuff you might care about.

Top Performers:

  1. Chris Johnson: Xmas Ape reaped the benefits of CJ once again. Chris ran for 132yds, had 100 yds receiving and got two TD’s. That netted Ape a nice 35.2 points.
  2. Donovan McNabb: Yeah you read that right, McNabb was the second best point gainer this week, as he gained 30 points for Max. He did this on 450 yards throwing, 2 TD’s and 1 INT.
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Weekly Fantasy Football Update

Hey all. Logic here. Sorry for the lack of writing. I know, you have been just miserable without me. Maybe you should get a hobby? I don’t know. You COULD use to lose a little weight too. Hitting the gym might help. Just saying…

Top Performers:

Kurt Warner- Had 261 yards and 5 touchdowns this week in a spanking over Chicago for Rob.

Ray Rice- Had a decent day 120+ total yards and 1 TD gave him 19 points for Punter and Brandon.

Greg Olsen- Doktakra started this man mountain who had 3 touchdowns from bad boy quarterback Jay Cutler. He also hurt Berstreet’s team. Is it weird that I know other people’s teams better than my own? Whatever. I’m dedicated.

Larry Fitzgerald- 123 yards and two scores. Fitz is a common player on Gimp’s team in this league. I have him in my money league. And Berstreet has him on her team. But that’s not the only thing we have in common. The other? Herpes.

Mike Sims-Walker- The fantasy breakout performance of the year goes to…MSW no doubt. Bucholtz, started him and MSW got him 20 points for the day.

Michael Turner- 166 yards rushing and 2 TDs gave Logic a nice week and 30 points.

Randy Moss- 147 yards and 1 touchdown plus 1 two point conversion was a nice start for Rob.

Frank Gore- 158 total yards and a score totaled to be 21 points for Flubby.

DeAngelo Williams and Joseph Addai had good weeks for Max. 161 total yards and 2 tds for Williams and 112 total yards and 2 tds for Addai.

Chris Johnson- 160 total yards and 2 TDs. This guy is on fire. It’s weird that the Titans can’t win a game with arguably the best runningback in the league. Imagine if he was still returning kicks?


Bad Starts

DeSean Jackson- He is totally killing Dok. Dok never knows when to start him and when to sit him and Jackson seems very unstable? Are fantasy player unstable? Or is that just molecules. Let’s move on.

Chicago’s Defense- I started these fucks and they gave me -1 points against Arizona. How weak is that?

Willie Parker- I guess he was MIA in the Pitt v. Denver game and Rob had him starting. It sucks for Parker owners because Mendenhall is having a break out year and isn’t looking to slow up anytime soon.

Willis McGahee- I predicted Willis McGahee would be good this year. He was awesome through the first 4 games. If you haven’t dropped him yet…DROP HIM. James Brown doesn’t check his team so I expect this from a guy like him.

Clinton Portis- You can’t predict injury. But still, he got .40 points for James Brown.

Bad Sits

Laurence Maroney- 87 yards and 1 TD was his stats for Bucholtz’s bench. Maroney is getting all the carries over in NE with the Fred Taylor injury. I’d be basking in the greatness he’s had in the last 3-5 weeks. I’m too lazy to check his actual stats.



Well that is everything that caught my eye. I have to go now and write a anniversary card for my girlfriend. I just hope it doesn’t come complete with rape jokes and spelling errors like my blogging. Or maybe that’s how I got the little lady smitten in the first place? I might be a genius. Hey, did I tell you about Alcomall?!?


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Week 8 Fantasy Recap

Ok we are basically at the mid point of our Football Season which means we are more than halfway done with the Fantasy Football Season. I decided that I’m bored with just reprinting all the Top Performers and making fun of our league members that I talk to over the internet every single night yet they don’t change rosters for Bye weeks and what not. I’m going to take the top earners of the 8 weeks and you can compare with how you drafted and hopefully kill yourself. Actually, don’t kill yourself yet. Set up one of these birds on your mouse so that it keeps clicking “refresh” and then kill yourself:

Your Parents Don't Even Love You
Your Parents Don't Even Love You

And please, before your inner taintstain comes out, realize that I don’t make the point scoring system for Yahoo and I’m not the commissioner of my league. I just click the sort button on “Fantasy Points” and write dick jokes. Don’t act like that’s not impressive! What do you do? Yeah. Sit there and eat Cheetos. You sow.

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Fantasy Football Update

I was trying to get involved with the influx of commentakke over at KSK, but it is busier than normal with Jim Zorn’s job on the line. It’s been said that he was just feeding pigeons on the sideline and using his headset to make sure his direct deposit went through.

A quick update on my money league fantasy team; it didn’t get fucked over by a top performer as much as it got fucked over by BYE weeks and the Bellichick RB committee carries to the wrong guy. Who’d have thunk that Kevin Faulk would get 3 touches after the 2 of the top 5 RBs are down? I’m glad I didn’t give my fantasy advice for the week, because I would have gotten you 5 points.

Anywho, my team in this league got beaten by itself. My top performer was a QB who threw for 5 TDs and 0 INTs and somehow managed only 29 points and Minnesota’s defense got me 0 points for the second time this year. Well, here we go…

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