Public Parody And Mockery: My Peter King Moment

The Internet is a varied landscape that approaches dystopian hell far more than utopian bliss. For every person online that likes what you do there’s many more that hate you or that don’t or won’t acknowledge your existence. If you create content on the Internet, you will receive some praise, but you will also receive angry emails and hatred in the comment sections. Peter King, the senior NFL writer for Sports Illustrated, is a prime example of this. He does a column every Monday called Monday Morning Quarterback, or MMQB. It’s his take on the NFL, rules, upcoming games, news and has some personal anecdotes sprinkled in. Every Monday KSK does a Fun With Peter King column, where he gets torn a new asshole. He takes it in stride and even retweets some of the venom that is directed his way. Some think that’s a douche move on his part, but I for one, find it interesting to see some of the bile that is directed his way. I suppose it’s part of the cost of his level of fame. He’ll never make everyone happy, and will always have detractors.

Recently, I’ve had some what you could call struggles in my personal life. My job situation has become tenuous to say the least and my future position and stability is balanced, shakily, on the edge of a deck of cards. [Edit:Redacted] Needless to say, I’ve not been in the best attitude as of late. It happens to us all though, but unfortunately my life is quasi-public. Now I get to feel the little stabs of “humor” that is mockery. New to the world is the Twitter account @EmoGally.

Well, Bravo good sir/s. I don’t know who is running the account, though I have my suspicions. The account is funny, or at least would be to those that don’t know me, though has crossed a line once or twice. I’m now sorry I didn’t just drink my face off and shut the fuck up, bottling everything inside. I was never mopey enough to warrant this, though I suppose I did start it. In a couple of moments of self parody I labeled a few tweets as #emogally. So I suppose it is my fault after all. I guess that you haven’t “made it” on the Internet until there’s something solely set up to mock you. So this is Internet infamy? Not as much hookers and blow as I would have expected.

Some Choice lines from the project below. (more…)

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Tags: Friendship?, Humor, Mockery, Public Shaming
Category I don't get it |

The FBI Needs Priorities, MLB Needs Drugs

I write this, not as a Yankee fan concerned about A-Rod’s mental health or well being. I really couldn’t care less. We showed last year that A-rod needs to bang hot chicks to do well (See: Hudson’s butt, Kate). The reason I’m writing this, is that I have no idea why the FBI is involved with baseball. I understand that taking steroids or HGH is illegal when not under doctor’s orders. I understand everything that goes into the smuggling of the drugs from Canada into the US because that’s the only reason that makes Canada great. You can basically go into a corner store and go “I’ll have 600 vicodin, please” and they give it to you in a Chinese food-like carton with a smile*. I just think that on the priority list of things the FBI should be doing, this would be at the bottom.

Performance Enhancing Drugs make the game better. There. I said it. There is no doubt about it. People like to see home runs. It’s a thrill to catch them in the outfield’s cheap seats. It’s the only reason to pay for cheap seats. I’ve seen fights erupt in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium over a Nick Swisher home run. Even Nick Swisher was like: “C’mon, bro”.

So this is my argument to legalize PED’s in baseball. It’s quick and to the point. The guy with the most money would obviously be the best of all time because he can buy the most drugs. This is a good thing because the player with the most money, is usually the best player. So the best players with more money can buy more drugs than less talented players with not as much money. This keeps the ratio in balance! Nothing changes, except statistics go up and the purists of baseball who care about the hall of records and how many home runs a player would hit on Tuesdays in April can shampoo my crotch.

So when Bonds and A-Rod were sure things to go down as the all time home run champs, they probably would have anyway. They are/were the most talented players in baseball of their time. So they took a bunch of drugs to make it a sure thing. If someone told you that you could take this drug that makes you look like a Greek God and make almost a half of a billion dollars in a life time, plus have job security and date super models…and all of this was 100% going to happen…you wouldn’t because Jack Handy’s family would be upset that you shatter his records? The only draw back is your balls shrink and your head gets big. WHO THE HELL CARES? I for one, am sterile and already have a huge head. Where can I sign up?

And as always I offer solutions to other people’s problems…even when unwanted. Here is a list of things I think the federal government should take care of before HGH, after the jump.

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Tags: Alex Rodriguez, FBI, HGH, Kate Hudson, Logic stealing Amber's tags, Nothing good comes from porking Madonna
Category I don't get it |

I Don't Get It. Bonus Edition.

This is my weekly section where I will bring you topics from the sporting world (obscure or otherwise) that “I Don’t Get”.  I’ll either discover the legitimacy of something thought absurd, or further exploit the sheer stupidity of it all.  This week I bring you…

The Favre Delusion
There’s no disputing that Brett Favre (or Uncle Rico, as I call him) is a Hall of Fame Quarterback.  He has had an astounding career, that even the most die-hard rivals can’t argue against.  But now, the guy is older than dirt and has retired and un-retired like 85 times.  While I commend his…ahem dedication to the game [READ: MASSIVE EGO], I absolutely refuse to attribute any early and future successes of the Minnesota Vikings solely to Mr. Favre as the dick-sucking national media are wont to do.

Looking at the September 27th game versus the San Francisco 49ers, Favre didn’t have as much to do with the big, spectacular W that everyone wants to give him credit for.

Percy Harvin had the spectacular 101-yard kick return for a touchdown in the 3rd quarter (truly amazing to witness, might I add.  The crowd went insane!).  I don’t know if anyone saw, but man can that kid book.  It was probably hard to pay attention with all of the sucking noises coming from the press box, though.

They’ve got Purple Jesus who is a freak of nature (more…)

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Tags: Brett Favre, ChimChim, Delusions of Grandeur, Football, Minnesota Vikings, Uncle Rico
Category I don't get it, Satire |