Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Thursday February 9th 2012

‘Mock Draft’ Archive

The Gally Blog Mock Draft 3.0 and Live Blog Tonight!

The Gally Blog will be having a live blog draft party beginning around 7:15 PM EST/ 6:15 PM CST. Come drink and hate with us. At least when your team bumbles their pick you will be able to curse them somewhere of public record. Logic and Nonpopulist will be your hosts with all of your Gally Blog favorites stopping by. Bring a friend and some booze, mooch.

The third installment (picks 22-32): Can you feel the NFL draft fever heating up? Oooohhhh, it burns when I pee! We here at The Gally Blog decided to pool our knowledge and do a mock draft for you, the reader. Sure, we could have started doing mock drafts right after Alabama won the national championship, but it is MUCH easier to wait until everyone else does a mock draft so we can cheat off of other people’s work compare notes. In case you missed it, Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.



22. Patriots- Nonpopulist: Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas. Has the Patriots defense been a sham for enough years to make commentators stop talking about it yet? Sergio has a nice name and is a good pass rushing LB. They’ll be lucky to still get him here because I have seen Kindle going higher in a few mock drafts.
Gally: What are you talking about? The Pats defense has that guy. You know, Richard Seymour. Oh, well what about Teddy Bruschi? He had a stroke? Seriously? Well what about that guy, or you know that other guy?
K-Gun: Hey! Sergio! You’ve gotta get us outta here and so I say hey, Sergio! It’s gettin’ kinda hot in here and so I say hey. [horns] [oioioi]

23. Packers- PJDiaries: Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. As a Vikings fan, writing about the Packers is easy. They need to draft everything because they suck! Teehee! This is also where WisconsinRob and I fight. Anyway, the main focus for the worst team ever at this pick was determined by their gang bang in the Arizona playoff game where Kurt Warner threw for 7000 yards and their offensive line blacked out on the last play where Erin was sacked. Oline and defensive back field help became the focus. It’s all pretty fresh, but since you can’t draft for two needs at once (unless the dude swings both ways, amirite?!) the Packers take the better player available to help their oline or DBs and that’s Devin McCourty, the CB from Rutgers. Charles Brown, the OT from USC is an option here but I don’t buy it especially when you still have that gaping vagina Al Harris on your team. You have to replace him soon.
Gally: yeah, it’s a pretty weak year for top notch o-lineman this year, so they may as well upgrade their secondary. Even Wisconsin Rob would agree here.


24. Eagles- Logic: Taylor Mays. S, USC. The Eagles might be calling this season a wash and rebuilding with their young skill players. I see an upgrade on defense in their future. Too bad their fans can’t upgrade their class, or SAT scores.
PJD: Wow, I didn’t even know that people hated Philly fans so much. I would like to subscribe to your brochure of hate.

25. Ravens- Nonpopulist: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee. This pick is a toss-up between defensive line and tight end. The Ravens have a mostly aging defensive line, and not even God knows what kind of season Todd Heap is going to have. Tight end is also one of the most likely positions from which teams can get good production right away. Dan Williams next to Ngata scares me, frankly.
Gally: Everson Griffen is also a valid choice right now. If you look at their roster right now, they don’t have a single guy listed as a strict DE. All of them are LB/DE combos. Even in the 3-4 though, you need a big strong DE. Griffen did 32 reps, is 6’4″ 273 and runs a 4.65 40. Seems like he could be a good fit for them.


26. Cardinals- Gally: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama. I know you’re thinking they need a QB other than Matt Leinhart and Derek Anderson, but shouldn’t we give them a year before we throw them in the woodchipper? There’s also that Roethlisberger guy who might still be on the market at the trade deadline. They really need a MLB here, but there’s none rated high enough to take at this point of the draft and the 1st round quality safeties are gone by this point in time. It might be a stretch to take Cody this early, but I saw him play in way too many games for a Northern Canadian last year. All I got was SEC games and I know Cody is a beast. He’s fallen on some boards due to conditioning and thoughts that he’s only a 2 down type of guy, but if he dominates those two downs who the hell cares.

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The Gally Blog Mock Draft Part 1

Can you feel the NFL draft fever heating up? Oooohhhh, it burns when I pee! We here at The Gally Blog decided to pool our knowledge and do a mock draft for you, the reader. Sure, we could have started doing mock drafts right after Alabama won the national championship, but it is MUCH easier to wait until everyone else does a mock draft so we can cheat off of other people’s work compare notes.

1. Rams- Nonpopulist: Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma. With the offseason dumping of Marc Bulger after a few lackluster seasons the Rams need a quarterback. Bradford appears to be the best QB in the draft by default.
Nonpopulist: Apparently no one wanted to argue with me about this one.

2. Lions – PurpleJesusDiaries: Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska. After years of impressive drafting suckitude, the Lions nail it again this year by drafting the best player in the universe, Suh. With Schwartz’s coaching, a name that means “House of Spears”, and an improving team, the Lions all of a sudden have a weapon to scare the piss out of Aaron Rodgers and shut down the Purple Jesus.
K-Gun: It’s times like this that I miss Matt Millen. He’d totally take Dez Bryant here.
Nonpopulist: I concur with Suh as the 2nd pick. Schwartz knows what a 2-gapper like Suh can do for a defense since he worked with Albert Haynesworth in Tennessee and parlayed his defensive coordinator success with the Titans into his head coaching gig in Detroit.
Gally: Some people think that McCoy will be taken ahead of Suh because he’s faster and more of a speed finesse rusher, compared to Suh’s meastliness. I mean, that totally makes sense right? I totally see Oakland moving up to draft the DT that’s going to win the track meet. /mouthfart
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