Baseball Uh…Baseball is still going on? Umm…Hey look a blue football field!
College Football College football made it’s triumphant return last night. And by triumphant I mean slightly anticlimatic…Except for…Well I’ll get to that…
The early game on ESPN saw Steve Spurrier’s *cough* Douche *cough* South Carolina Gamecocks snickers take on the Wolf Pack of N.C. State. Saying this game was boring would be putting it mildly. I’ve seen late term abortions with more appeal…Damn I’ve been talking with Logic too much lately. Regardless, the Cocks of Game took this one 7-3.
Utah and Utah State battled for the Mormons’ enjoyment last night, with Utah winning 35-17. It’s almost like back in the days of the Roman Coliseum. But instead of Romans it’s Mormons. And instead of fights to the death or being mauled by a lion, it’s just football.
The late game on ESPN saw Oregon taking on Boise State. You might remember Boise State as a potential BCS buster over the last few seasons, as well as having one of the most hideous football fields in America. Blue turf? Really? I guess it actually gives people a reason to be interested in Idaho, albeit just for the color of their turf. Hey Idaho is also known for having potatoes! Yes makes wanking off motion, and I am known for not giving a shit. Boise State controlled this game for 4 quarters and took the win with a 19-8 finish.
Boise State’s To Do list for the next week should look like, 1) Work on field goals, because kicker, Kyle Brotzman, went 1/3 last night missing a 29 yarder, and 2) Hold on to the football. They lost 3 fumbles and it almost was more.
Oregon’s To Do list should look something like this, 1-5) Get new uniforms (underlined and circled a bunch of times). That whole, tribal looking duck wings on the shoulders are as cool looking as chicks wearing Ugg boots in the summer time.
Am I forgetting anything else? Hmmm….Oh yeah this happened too.
Somebody is gonna to get suspended…Or signed by the Bengals….or maybe both. Hmmm..,
Time for your daily pill. Whore. I mean come on you keep having them day after day, that’s gotta mean something.
MLB: Remember last week when Brad Penny sucked enough that the Red Sox waived him? Well now that he’s down in the minor leagues, the NL, he got good again. He pitched 8 shutout innings in his debut for the Giants as they beat the Phillies 4-0. Chris Carpenter didn’t play his best, but it was good enough to get his 10th straight win as the Cards beat the Brewers 10-3. CC Sabathia won his AL leading 16th game and lover of manly women and himself, A-Rod, got his 2500th career hit as the Yanks beat the Orioles 10-2.
NFL: Saturday is the day teams have to cut their rosters down to 53 people. The Eagles expect that Herr Goodell will make his decision and rule on when Michael Vick will be reinstated by then. It makes sense that he wouldn’t be a dick and would actually give them the ruling. If he doesn’t, Vick would likely have to be put on the Exempt list and therefore would not be allowed to practice until taken off the Exempt list. It’s expected that he will be allowed to play in the week 3 matchup against the Chiefs. But hey what’s expected to happen and what does happen are two different things. After all the news that Pacman Jones would be joining the Blue Bombers of the CFL, it’s no longer happening.
NBA: More bad news for you Minnesotans. Ricky Rubio, while still commited to the NBA, has declined the Timberwolves latest offer saying that it would be too risky for him and complicate his life too much. He did, as expected transfer clubs as his former club received the $5M buyout from his new club.
NHL: RIM CEO and Canadian Billionaire, Jim Balsille, says that he would be willing to play half of the upcoming years home games in Hamilton and half in Phoenix if that would help him in his plan to move the Coyotes out of Phoenix.
US Open, Mens: Nadal returned to Grand Slam action after skipping Wimbledon with wonky knees. He looked solid, and says his knees feel great, but there could still be some rust. Marat Safin was defeated in his farewell tour as he plans on retiring at years end. Federer was Federer. He stretched his US. Open win streak to 36 matches as he tries to become the first man since Bill Tilden in the 20′s to win the Open 6 times in a row.
US Open, Women: Venus and Serena Williams, as well as former number 1 Kim Clijsters advanced. I don’t really have anything else to say about it since Sharapova wasn’t playing. Maybe I’ll care more at the Finals.
The sports world proved to be it’s wacky best last night.
Womens Tennis matters because of this.
US Open, Womens: Maria Sharapova, returned to the US. Open after missing last year with a shoulder injury to destroy her advisary, Tsvetana Pironkova, 6-3, 6-0. There were more games, but you see this? This is me caring. I mean come on.
US. Open, Mens: Andy Roddick looks on pace to meet up with Tennis Lord Roger Federer in the finals. Even though he didn’t start until about 11PM EST, and finished at nearly 1AM EST, he dispatched of 84th-ranked Bjorn Phau of Germany, beating him 6-1, 6-4, 6-2. As for the rest, well Federer played yesterday so for today I could care less.
NBA: Stephen Jackson who was part of the debacle at the palace a few years ago, has been working to rehab his image. This past year, he was the captain of the Golden State Warriors, and now he wants out.
MLB: The Mariners beat the Angels 2-1 tonight and Ichiro had two hits. That leaves him 14 hits short of being the first ever player to ever hit 200 hits in 9 straight seasons. Thinking about Ichiro makes me think of a quote of his,
To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.
Suck on that Cleveland. Why? Well because I said so.
Papelbon pitched an AMAZING two inning save as the Bo Sox defeated the Rays. Why am I talking about this? Because apparently it’s a big deal. Nolan Ryan would be so disappointed. He would come out there and pitch the first half of a double header and then pitch a 4 inning close in the second game, before fighting the entire opposing team. Nolan Ryan thinks your current baseball team has sand in their vaginas. Simmons, is going to talk about this for weeks. He mentioned something about his boner tonight.
NCAA: Alabama DE Brandon Deaderick was shot in the arm during a robbery attempt at off campus housing.
NFL: Ricky Williams signed a one year $4.35M contract extension. Who says losers can’t reform themselves and make millions, besides of course Roger “Herr” Goodell
Again the world of sports sometimes blows my mind.
MLB: The Toronto Blue Jays beat the Texas Rangers 18-12 on a 7 run 9th inning. The hero of the night was Jays DH Adam Lind. He went 3-5 with 8 RBI and one Grand Slam.
As everybody knows, the Dodgers continued the bizaare hey let’s make a trade after the trade deadline that only happens in MLB. Sure they picked up Jim Thome, but in a odd circumstance they picked up pitcher Jon Garland. Garland plays for the Arizona Diamondbacks, who were playing the Dodgers. They announced the trade during the game, so he literally had to leave the one dugout and go to the other. What the hell.
NHL: The NHLPA fired their Director Paul Kelly. He was essentially fired for being too open with the media. The last guy was pushed out essentially because he didn’t give enough to the media.
NFL: BRETT FAVRE! BREEETT FARVE! BRIT FARR! He’s back. He played the whole first half and played pretty well. I could play well handing off to Purple Jesus. You can’t stop Purple Jesus, No One Denies This! Well at least the Texans couldn’t, he busted off a 75 yard run for TD on the first play of the day.
UFC 102 aired last night from the hippie capitol of the world Portland, Oregon. Where hackey sack and organic foods are the way of the land. Overall the show was pretty solid. And yes my picks sucked. I, patiently await my razzing from Logic, which I know is coming.
The results are as follows.
Brandon Vera defeated Krzysztof Soszynski by way of boring split decision. This was by far the worst fight on the card. I’ve seen snuff films with more exciting endings. Note to Soszynski, work on your stand up dick!
Nate Marquardt defeated Demian Maia by first round face rearrangement (ie knockout). World class BJJ doesn’t mean shit when you stand with an opponent who punches you square in the face. Boxing 1, world class BJJ 0.
I got your Ju Jitsu right here! /grabs crotch
Jake Rosholt submitted Chris Leben with a arm triangle 1:30 into the 3rd round. After the submission was released Leben did his best impression of a guy having a seizure. It was spot on. But I can’t tell if the convulsion was from a lack of oxygen or because he shit himself. Probably a combination of the two.
Thiago Silva defeated Keith Jardine by knockout at 1:35 into the 1st round.
Oh yeah!!! That makes the pain of getting knocked out so much more manageable.
Keith Jardine and his wizard goatee couldn’t get the job done. Well actually he barely even got the job started. I especially liked the part where after the ref stopped the fight Jardine looked at him like, “What? Why’d you stop it? Me going limp had nothing to do with me being knocked out. It was all part of my plan.”
Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira defeated Randy Couture by unanimous decision. One hell of a fight. The 46 year old Couture can still go, and with news of his new contract, he’s going to be around for a little bit longer. He’s almost like Brett Favre, but way more likable. Plus if he does reach the realm of douchedom that Favre has achieved, you will actually be able to see him get punched in the face, whereas we can only hope and dream that it happens to Favre.
Last night had quite the collection of events in the sporting world.
NFL:
As most of you guys/girls know, last night was Michael Vick’s triumphant return to the NFL. He barely got booed, and performed quite well in his time on field. He completed four of four passes for 19 yards, and ran once for 1 yard. A new hope? I’ll say. That Donovan guy kind of sucks anyways.
The Dolphins of Miami played the Buccaneers of Tampa. It was an exciting game that was won by the Dolphins 10-6.(/dismissive wanking) New Buc’s quarterback, Byron Leftwich almost played well, as he threw 9-17 for 100 yards. The shining star of the show clearly was Rookie Buc’s Quarterback Josh Freeman. He threw 6-16 for 50 yards. All I want to know is, is will he be available for me to choose with my first pick in Fantasy Football.
The Bungles played the Rams last night as well. The Rams won the game 24-21 but the star of the game was Carson Palmer. He completed an amazing 83% of his passes as he finished with 1 TD, 1 INT and 102 yards. He was 5 of 6.
Others:
There was the usual slate of MLB games this weekend, but really who give’s a shit.
The Canadian Men’s Hockey Olympic team practiced in Calgary
The Champions League draw occured today. My boys, the Blues of Chelsea were drawn in the D group with FC Porto and two other teams that they will destroy. Porto won the Portuguese league last year, so they should provide a challenge. They also have a player that goes by the name of HULK. How can you not be a little intimidated by a guy who actually goes by the name Hulk?
