Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Friday January 6th 2012

‘National Football League’ Archive

Some Quick Thoughts on the NFL Scouting Combine and Measurables Vs. Intangibles

Cam Newton is currently leading all combine participants in the intangible known as “swagger”

The NFL Scouting Combine has been airing for the past few days on NFL Network. I’m always fascinated by the process of evaluating these college football players who are competing to impress NFL personnel into drafting the player early thereby ensuring a significant payday. After all, it’s dolla dolla bill, y’all. What fascinates me about the combine and also the draft are the same reasons my favorite part of the Madden NFL games is always the offseason portion. It’s building a team through player evaluation that gets my high motor going.

Cliches abound at the draft. It’s what sport, and I guess life, fall back on. Two terms I hear thrown around a lot are measurables and intangibles. I’m not saying there’s no value in those terms because there is. I’m saying they’re cliched because people throw the terms around a lot. Sunday at the combine was the day the quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers were evaluated on the field, and I took special notice of how two wide receivers were being analyzed by the NFL Network crew. On most draft boards the two highest-rated receivers are A.J. Green and Julio Jones. From what I’ve seen on the field and yesterday in the drills I understand why those two are the highest rated. They are both outstanding athletes, although Julio Jones stood way out from Green in the drills yesterday. He “jumped out of the gym” as one NFL Network analyst put it. (I think it was Rich Eisen.) He did jump out of the gym. You saw his natural athletic ability in a measurable and impressive way. To be honest he kind of put Green and the other wide receivers to shame. These guys aren’t compared solely on the basis of who has the fastest 40 yard dash time or who broad jumps the furthest, though. That would be ridiculous. Mike Mayock does a good job of guiding the discussion when the people on set are talking about players. He often says things like, “go back to the tape.” He’s right, because if you drafted players on paper then Julio Jones would be the highest receiver taken, no question. The problem is I still think A.J Green is a better receiver and a better pro prospect. You have to go back to the tape to see the difference in these players, though. (more…)

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Rubetastic: Super Bowl Betting Extravaganza with Prop Bets

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Super Bowl week! It’s the most wonderful time of year! So magical. Sports writers and television personalities regale us with tales of weather, hotel continental breakfasts, and other stories central to the actual game.
Let’s look back quickly at my Championship game picks.

Green Bay -3.5 @ Chicago: RIGHT. I don’t think the score would have been all that different if Cutler had been able to play the whole game. The Packers may have even won by more than they did. Green Bay was just top-down a better team. Clay Matthews disease gives him super human powers that are hard to contain.

New York Jets + 3.5 @ Pittsburgh Steelers: WRONG. I don’t quite know what to say about this pick. I was less confident in it, but I thought the Jets defense would make the difference in this game. The game was too big for the Jets. Their play didn’t live up to their gameplan either.
On to the extravaganza!

Since neither team has cheerleaders I picked one of my favorites from this past NFL season.

One of the most interesting aspects of the Super Bowl is all of the prop bets. You can place bets on whether the coin toss lands on heads or tails (which I have bet on before), the over/under on the length of the national anthem, who will win the MVP and a host of other ways you can lose money. Go here for a complete list of action, but I’ll be highlighting some below plus picking against the actual spread as usual.

How Long will it take Christina Aguilera to Sing the Star Spangled Banner (from starting note to last note sung) Under/Over 1:54: I know what you’re thinking, suckers bet, right? There’s money to be made here. I looked up videos of Aguilera on Youtube singing the national anthem. I saw some over a minute and fifty-four seconds and some under. I tended toward more recent performances and I’m sold on the under on this one. I think she’ll embellish a little less than in her performances at the NBA Finals. Well, I should say the NFL event people will gently suggest she embellish less. This should be a classier performance since it will likely be one of the most watched things on television ever. It’s not about you, X-tina.

More after the jump—- (more…)

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide- The Championship Round Is Tight Like a Sex Euphemism

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Last week was a pleasantly surprising rebound for my prognosticating skills. I went 3-1 in picking the Divisional round playoff games. I’m still undefeated in picking my nose. Sadly my record for the playoffs is only 3-5. That’s right, I picked all four games wrong the wildcard round of the playoffs. Let’s look back at last week since I did so well then.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh -3: RIGHT. I had a feeling Pittsburgh would just be too strong for Baltimore. I thought Flacco would struggle a bit more at quarterback than he did, though. I liked PIT having homefield advantage in this game as well. I love Big Ben’s sexy new nose too.

Green Bay +2.5 @ Atlanta: RIGHT. Green Bay’s defense was playing too well for Atlanta to be favored in this game. I had a strong feeling that Atlanta was not ready to take it to the next level although I think the Falcons will be strong in the playoffs for the next few years.

Seattle +10 @ Chicago: WRONG. This is the only game I picked wrong. I knew Chicago would win the game, but I did not know they would dominate like they did. I thought Seattle would ride a little bit of momentum and Jay Cutler would be good for pick-6 or two. Cutler surprisingly made very few mistakes.

New York Jets +9 @ New England: RIGHT. I knew this spread was way too big for division rivals who had split wins during the regular season.
On to the AFC and NFC Championship games, but first a cheerleader.

I expect another weekend of good games this weekend. Besides that no one is truly sure of what’s going to happen. I’ve heard some matchup talk around the AFC Championship game saying things aren’t looking favorable for the Jets. I can see that at first glance, but this week is going to take more balls than brains to bet.

Green Bay -3.5 @ Chicago: Chicago would have a more stated advantage having the game on their home field if the team they were playing didn’t play their games at a place called “The Frozen Tundra.” Rodgers and the Packers’ defense are both playing too well to lose this game. Cutler will throw at least two interceptions this game. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Packers win by a touchdown or ten points. The Bears will be able to stop either the running game or the passing game but certainly no both.

New York Jets +3.5 @ Pittsburgh Steelers: I’m going to admit this pick is 75% hunch so bet accordingly. I think this game will be close and that’s why I pick the Jets in this line. Pittsburgh is certainly likely to win the game, but I would not be surprised one bit if the Steelers only win by a field goal. Mark Sanchez is going to put the Jets at a disadvantage, but they can play well even if he just has an average game. Take the Jets and the points. The Jets defense is the x-factor in this game.

Sexy Disclaimer: This post is intended for entertainment purposes only. You assume all of your own risk when placing a bet either legal or illegal. Neither The Gally Blog nor the author assume any risk for any bets placed on advice or content contained in this post or on this blog.

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide- Divisional Round Playoff Picks Guaranteed to Lose

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Let’s see, last week I achieved the impossible, the seemingly impossible, as it were. I stank fingered a nun. I know, right? *Bro fives* I also picked each NFL game from Wildcard weekend wrong against the spread. I was on the wrong side of the bet each time. This should be the point at which you click away from this page or leave a comment calling me stupid. Let’s review my picks from last week that put me at a disappointing 0-4 for the postseason.

New Orleans  -10.5 @ Seattle: WRONG. No one saw Seattle winning this game. I should have gone with my instinct that the spread was too big.

New York Jets @ Indianapolis -2.5: WRONG. Peyton crapped the bed in the playoffs again. I should have seen that coming.

Baltimore @ Kansas City +3: WRONG. My vision in which I saw Jamaal Charles running for a long touchdown and Kansas City upsetting Baltimore was partly correct but was obviously a product of Satan. I’ll get you for this, Satan.

Green Bay @ Philadelphia -2.5: WRONG. Mike Vick, you were supposed to be a Cinderella. You let me down.

Let’s move on to next week.

I shouldn’t have any confidence in my picks this week, but I do. I’m such an idiot. If you agree with any of these picks make sure you change your mind.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh -3: This game is a toss up. I give Pittsburgh the edge due to playoff experience. I guess I should say recent successful playoff experience. Flacco is still a liability.
(more…)

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide- Wildcard Weekend Filled with Bold Predictions

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Last week I finished up a disappointing regular season in which I hit the skids pretty hard in the mid to late part of the season. Hit the skids? That sounds like it should be a gay sex euphemism. Here’s a recap of my week 17 picks that ended up giving me a final regular season record of 36-33-3 against the spread. I’m above water which is pretty much how I ended every season when I used to bet online. Keep in mind that some of the ones I got right I was very sure of and would have placed a larger bet and suggested you should do the same.

She's got just the kind of thickness I like, not that much

The playoffs are always interesting both to watch and handicap. There are some tried and true principles which govern recent NFL playoff football and some anomalous tidbits which need to be taken into consideration. Some of the widely agreed upon rules which are never hard and fast (tee hee) but should be considered with each matchup are:
1. Quarterback play is exponentially more key to a team’s victory in the playoffs than the regular season as far as confidence, production during the regular season, and playoff experience.
2. Prior playoff experience for coaches is huge whether it be as a head coach, player, or as an assistant coach. Sean Payton was the offensive coordinator and play caller when the Giants lost to the Ravens in the Super Bowl. He knew he had to seize the freaking day to have a chance to win, and he was not going to get burned again.
Here’s my picks for Wildcard Weekend:

New Orleans  -10.5 @ Seattle: I went back and forth a bit on this game. With such a large spread, the Seattle home field advantage, and the Saints running game looking so shaky with all the injuries I think Seattle will make a game of it for a while. Matt Hasselback and the Seahawk defense just does not have the juice to pull this off. The strange thing is I even leaned closer to picking Seattle when I still thought Charlie Whitehurst was going to start. He may still get some playing time in this game depending on how well the Saints rush the quarterback.

New York Jets @ Indianapolis -2.5: It pains me to pick the Colts, but the home field advantage is a factor as well as Peyton Manning.The hidden key to this game is the Cotls’ defense. A lot of people are still operating under the assumption the Colts’ defense is horrible since it was for most of the season. They have played very well the past couple of weeks, though. It’s a trend with the Colts. If Indy gets out to an early lead this game will be over after the first quarter. Joseph Addai is back for the Colts also. (more…)

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 17 Wrapping Up the Regular Season

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

As I stated at the beginning of the season the hardest 3 weeks for me to handicap are weeks 1, 2, and 17 of the NFL season. May I remind you of a few years ago when Bill Belichick “didn’t” but allegedly did tank a game in week 17 because it gave the Patriots a better draw in the first round of the playoffs. Another year I remember the Colts letting the Titans when Tony Dungy was still coaching the Colts. You can not convince me there are not shenanigans afoot in week 17 of the NFL. On top of that you have various teams checking out because they are ready for the season to be over since they are not making the playoffs. Still yet one of the most influential factors in these late season games is the coaching. Coaches are coaching for jobs either at their current location or to make themselves more appealing for the next possible position. I say all of that to say week 17 is a minefield. Stay frosty. It’s chess not checkers. Let’s look back at last week’s picks. I’m now 34-31-3 in picks against the spread this season.

New York Jets @ Chicago -1: RIGHT. The Jets lost and still made the playoffs. What was their motivation to win this game?

Dallas -7 @ Arizona: WRONG. Wow, maybe that ginger doesn’t want the coaching job in Dallas.

Baltimore -3.5 @ Cleveland: RIGHT. Cleveland is such a fraud team. I knew Baltimore remembered the first time the two teams met this season and would make the necessary adjustments. The only surprise I had at the outcome of this game was the margin of victory wasn’t greater for the Ravens.

Detroit @ Miami -3.5: WRONG. So the Lions went on the road to play Florida teams in consecutive weeks and won both games when they haven’t won a game on the road in how long? I can’t believe anyone predicted that outcome. If they say they did then they are a witch. BURN THEM!

Houston -3 @ Denver: WRONG. I hate Tebow so much. I don’t have many mortal enemies, but I’m considering adding another entry to the list. Make some room Leno.

New York Giants +2.5 @ Green Bay: WRONG. So wrong. I was operating under the assumption Aaron Rodgers was either not going to play or was going to be limited at least in the play calls that were going to be made for him. Way wrong. I’m completely floored by the Giants defense getting manhandled like they did. I’m not feeling as good about the Giants against the spread and in the playoffs.

New Orleans +2.5 @ Atlanta: RIGHT. This seemed like a split series to me. I kind of these teams meet in the playoffs. OOOOOOHHHH the storylines are getting me wet already.

Cheerleader picture then the week 17 picks……

Despite what I wrote above I am salivating at the possibilities this week. Then I immediately correct myself and try to realize my anticipation should be a warning sign. I know one thing for sure. I’ve been burned so many times on this one mistake I am never making it again… that much. Don’t ever “believe” in a team that needs to win to get into the playoffs. Don’t believe in the fire in their belly. If they have to win in week 17 in order to get into the playoffs most likely they aren’t strong enough to get it done. Here’s this week’s minefield of picks.

Jacksonville @ Houston -3: The Jaguars will not have David Garrard this weekend, not that he’s Brett Favre or anything, but it is his team and he is serviceable about half the time. The big hit is the Jaguars will be without Maurice Jones-Drew this weekend in Houston. As far as Houston goes the season has been another huge disappointment for the Texans, but the consensus is Gary Kubiak will be back again next season with the defensive staff being fired and Wade Phillips being added as defensive coordinator next season. I actually love that idea. Of course it will begin anew the cycle of Wade Phillips being recognized as a great defensive coordinator and another owner foolishly thinking Wade would be a good head coach. NFL owners are not very good at learning from history. Even though most insiders think Kubiak is safe it probably wouldn’t hurt to win another division game. (more…)

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 16, Finishing Strong

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

This week’s highly anticipated Rubetastic will be abbreviated since I can only steal away so many moments at the in-laws place. Let’s look at the week 15 picks which brought my season total to 31-27-3.

Kansas City @ St. Louis +1: WRONG, I made this pick when I didn’t think Matt Cassell was going to start. Remember he was iffy all week after his surgery. I’m not saying I would have picked Kansas City had I known Cassell was playing. I am saying I wouldn’t have included it in the picks I recommended had I known he was going to play and be effective.

Arizona @ Carolina -2.5: RIGHT. Both teams such, but Carolina has shown a little bit more in my opinion recently plus ARI had to travel from west to east.

New Orleans @ Baltimore -1: RIGHT. I knew either team could win this game, and it would most likely be close. I gave the edge to Baltimore since New Orleans is a dome team and they were playing outdoors at Baltimore. That stuff means a couple of points during the colder months.

Detroit @ Tampa Bay -5.5: WRONG. Damn you Drew Stanton and damn you Tampa Bay. Why are you guys shitting the bed all of  a sudden. You’ve had such a good season. I guess the Bucs’ heads are getting dizzy from being in the clouds. I’m staying away from Tampa Bay for the final two weeks of the season.

Philadelphia +3 @ New York Giants: RIGHT. I was confused by New York being favored in this game. I order to get equal action I had placed my line at PHI -2. I had an inkling Philly would win by at least a TD.

Denver @ Oakland -6.5: RIGHT. People are ready to drink the Tebow kool-aid and his jizz along with it. I was talking to a friend that has Tebow blinders on and I told him NFL defensive coordinators will have Tebow figured out all of next year off of these last 3 games of the season.

Chicago -3.5 @ Minnesota: RIGHT. Again I gave Chicago a few points since this game was to be played outdoors and because at the time we all thought Joe Webb was going to start. I didn’t panic when it was learned Favre was going to start. I got the CHI -3.5 from the ESPN pick ‘em game, but I saw the line on the day of the game at CHI -8. I would have still bet Chicago there even with Favre playing. I thought it was very likely he wouldn’t finish the game to the point I didn’t even take Joe Webb out of the lineup for a fantasy football playoff game and replace him with Aromoshadu or Hester even though I had plenty of time to do so.
Cheerleader time.

Quick and dirty this week.

New York Jets @ Chicago -1: I like Chicago this week as Mark Sanchez is hurt and possibly not playing.

Dallas -7 @ Arizona: Arizona is bad and Dallas needs to finish strong so that both coaches and players will have jobs next year.

Baltimore -3.5 @ Cleveland: Am I the only one who realized Cleveland is a sham team about 7 weeks ago? I like Baltimore big this weekend.

Detroit @ Miami -3.5: Detroit has to go back to Florida for a game in consecutive weeks, this time even deeper into America’s wang. Never mind Detroit’s win last week being their first road win in a while, Detroit even won their first division game in several years against Green Bay a few weeks ago. THE CITY’S SAVED! They’re going to go undefeated for 10 years! *Makes fart noise with armpit. This line is too low. I thought I was being overly cautious when I set my line at Miami -5.

Houston -3 @ Denver: I don’t know how much more vehement I can be. I do not like Tim Tebow as a football player. I think I may be letting it blind me. Schaub just throw it to Andre Johnson or dump it off to Arian Foster. Only use your brick-handed tight ends to look off safeties and linebackers. That is your key to success.

New York Giants +2.5 @ Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers has been cleared to play this week, but can Green Bay run the ball well enough to ensure Rodgers safety from the Giants’ pass rush? I’m betting no.

New Orleans +2.5 @ Atlanta: The game of the week as far as I’m concerned.

But hey, what do I know? I’m 31-27-3 on the year.

Sexy Disclaimer: This post is intended for entertainment purposes only. You assume all of your own risk when placing a bet either legal or illegal. Neither The Gally Blog nor the author assume any risk for any bets placed on advice or content contained in this post or on this blog.

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 15, At Least We Have Cheerleaders

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Last week I decided to pick a bigger selection of games against the spread. Let’s see how that worked out. I’ll give you a hint, about zero sum. Let’s look back on the week of picks that has brought me to 26-25-3. A season that began with so much promise has been dashed without remorse. At least we have cheerleaders to look at it.

Cleveland @ Buffalo -1: RIGHT. Buffalo at home, playing teams tough all season, and showing they can put up some offense and Cleveland being exposed recently and starting Delhomme again- easy bet.

Cincinatti -8.5 @ Pittsburgh: WRONG. I thought with Big Ben struggling through some serious injuries the Bengals might have enough of a bump to keep it close. Apparently not.

Tampa Bay -2 @ Washington: WRONG. I’m not saying this game was fixed, but the Redskins bobbled an extra point at the end of the game that would have sent the game into overtime. HMMMMMMMMMM>>>>>………….>>>…..

St. Louis +9 @ New Orleans: WRONG. I think people, including me, have been sleeping on the Saints this season because they lost some games early and haven’t been winning in the spectacular fashion to which we have grown accustomed. They are a quiet 10-3. I focused on the the Rams and thinking they had a scrapper’s chance in this matchup.

Seattle +5.5 @ San Fransisco: WRONG. Neither of these teams is for real, but Seattle has been doing okay against mediocre teams this year. I did not think San Fransisco had the ability to put up 40 points, but I guess Alex Smith is trying not to suck. That’s probably good for his career.

Denver @ Arizona +5.5: RIGHT. I had a very good feeling this would be the exception to the rule of interim head coaches winning their first games this season because there’s a bit more of a mess than Jason Garrett inherited in Dallas and Leslie Frazier inherited in Minnesota. I think Josh McDaniels ripped the crown molding off the walls and the electrical outlets out of the walls on the way out of Denver.

Kansas City @ San Diego -6.5: RIGHT. The only line I really saw for this game was San Diego -6.5 which was way too low. I had my line at San Diego -9. On the road and without Cassell I’m not at all surprised the Chiefs weren’t able to score.

Philadelphia -3.5 @ Dallas: WRONG. A freaking half point. Love it.
Now a cheerleader and let’s look at next week.

There are some interesting lines on games this week. I feel good about these picks for whatever that’s worth.

Chicago -3.5 @ Minnesota: This line isn’t on the board at most sportsbooks right now. I pulled this off of the ESPN Pigskin Pick ‘em contest, but this is another bet the mortgage scenario. The reason this game isn’t on the board is because the Vikings are not sure what they are going to be doing at quarterback for the game. I think there’s a chance Favre goes, but the team has placed Tavaris Jackson on IR and signed Patrick Ramsey. Joe Webb is also a possibility. Also the location of this game is in question with the Vikings stadium still not ready after the roof collapse. There is a strong possibility this game will be played outside. That favors the Bears. Take this game to the back.
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What Inspired the Internet’s Unfunny Jokes Today: The Collapse of the Mall of America Roof (Video)

The NFL world woke up to amazing video of the roof of the Metrodome Mall of America Field collapsing under the weight of heavy snowfall. The video really is something worth watching so you should watch it below. Thank goodness this collapse happened when no one was in the stadium.

Unfortunately the collapse led to a avalanche of jokes on twitter many of which were not that funny. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood today, but I was as unimpressed by the “God extending Favre’s consecutive games started streak by giving him another day to heal” as I am by people’s constant Cam Newton jokes. People just aren’t as funny as they think they are. Running stuff into the ground is funny. I enjoy running jokes into the ground, but people take stuff way too seriously and then mask riding their moral high horse by making a joke. I can sense people’s venom. Why so serious, people. If anything Brett Favre having an extra day to get right would be evidence of there being no god the way everyone seems to hate him nowadays. I don’t know. I’ve got sand in my vagina today. Nothing’s very funny to me right now. O wait, you’ve got one about the NFL making the roof collapse because they wanted Favre’s streak to continue? I’ve got a rubber chicken to shove up your ass. Wow, I did not realize how bad of a mood I was in until I wrote this post. I need to chill out and have a beer. Out.

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 14, in the Hole Again and Not the Good Kind

I know not many people read this. I see the blog statistics and everything, but I care about this as a matter of pride. Last week’s performance 1-3 on picks against the spread is simply appalling. I’m ashamed. I plan to unleash hell on this week’s picks, but not in the same sort of sucky way Mike Tomlin meant last year. Let’s look at my screw ups and laugh. We can laugh about it, right guys? I’m now 23-20-3 on the season. Ouch.

Cleveland @ Miami -5: WRONG. I thought Miami had somewhat rallied after going on the road and beating a much-improved Oakland Raiders team. Miami’s inconsistency this season should have signaled me to stay away from picking this game. Cleveland’s not any better. Some people actually think this is a good team. They have had some great upsets, though.

Jacksonville @ Tennessee -3: WRONG. O, Tennessee decided to not play against a division rival. Time to consider betting against Tennessee every week. I don’t care what people say. Most of the players on this team have quit, and I say that being a Titans fan.

St. Louis -3.5 @ Arizona: RIGHT. I had the feeling Arizona was a good bet after how horrible they have been playing. Still this was only St. Louis’ second road win of the season.

Bonus game- Chicago -5 @ Detroit: WRONG. I hate being wrong by one point as much as the Westboro Baptist Church fags hate… fags. I guess the lesson here is Detroit should be respected against the spread. I guess.
Let’s take a look at a cheerleader and then this week’s picks.

This week I am either going to completely redeem myself or dig myself deeper in the hole. I have my lines set very similar to what Vegas has on most games this week. I only have different teams favored than Vegas on two games. I like my games for inducing equal action as well as Vegas’ (that is the point of betting lines, after all), but seeing the Vegas lines makes me want to pick those games. Here goes. I’m picking more games than usual this week to try to get back on the winning track. This might not end well.

Cleveland @ Buffalo -1: Now that Buffalo has the monkey of having not won a game off of their back I like them to pick up a couple of more wins this season. This is the perfect game to pick up another win. Cleveland is having to travel a good distance in back to back weeks and Buffalo does have a decent home advantage. Despite losing games Buffalo has been able to put up a good amount of points in some games. I also like Jake Delhomme to wake from the dream state he played in last week and remember he’s Jake Delhomme and throw a few picks to Buffalo. I had the same line as Vegas on this game.

Cincinatti -8.5 @ Pittsburgh: I would like this game even more the higher the line gets favoring Pittsburgh. The Bengals will most likely not win the game, but they are desperate and still have talent on the team. If Cincy can get the medium passing game and screen passes going I think they can work on a Pittsburgh defense that will want to blitz Carson Palmer. The Steelers are probably still sore from last Sunday night’s tough game against the Ravens.

Tampa Bay -2 @ Washington: The Bucs lost a tough game at home last week against Atlanta, but if they can hang with Atlanta they should be able to beat the Redskins by more than 2 points.

St. Louis +9 @ New Orleans: The bottom line is New Orleans is not the behemoth they were last season. The Saints will still likely win this game, but St. Louis can keep this game closer than 9 points. The Saints may have Pierre Thomas back this week, but I think him and Reggie Bush are more a frustration than a help at this point. Ivory and Julius Jones seem more capable than guys coming off of medium-term injuries.

Seattle +5.5 @ San Fransisco: I seem to have been doing well this year with the NFC West. I am convinced Seattle will win this game outright. San Fransisco is going back to Alex Smith at quarterback so Smith will have a chip on his shoulder and try even harded to force those interceptions in there. This is one of the lines where Vegas and I differed on the favorite. I had Seattle favored.

Denver @ Arizona +5.5: O, so just because Dallas and Minnesota made head coaching changes and had instant success you think that will happen this week as Denver’s running backs’ coach takes over as interim head coach? Not bloody likely. This game is for gamblers, though. I would put a less than average amount on this game. This is the other game where Vegas and I differed. I’ve been doing ok in the NFC West this year.

Kansas City @ San Diego -6.5: This game wasn’t on the board at Sportsbook.com where I normally pull the Vegas lines from since KC QB Matt Cassell is most likely not playing. I had my line at San Diego -9 so if you can find San Diego -6.5 I would be all over it. That would be a “bet the mortgage” type of situation. I got the 6.5 number from ESPN’s pick ‘em contest.

Philadelphia -3.5 @ Dallas: I can just see Michael Vick carving up Dallas’ secondary on 20 yard in routes. This game will be ugly. Dallas does not have the people to stop Vick. Dallas will miss Dez Bryant even though he has been quiet in games before being put on injured reserve. He has been quiet because opposing defenses have been keying on him a little more. Have you noticed how Dallas has been running the ball a little bit better? Defenses have been having to account for 2.5 receivers plus Jason Witten. (I only count Roy Williams as a half of a guy.)

Here’s hoping for an improvement on 23-20-3. That’s pretty bad.

Sexy Disclaimer: This post is intended for entertainment purposes only. You assume all of your own risk when placing a bet either legal or illegal. Neither The Gally Blog nor the author assume any risk for any bets placed on advice or content contained in this post or on this blog.



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