Author: Nonpopulist Published: September 2nd, 2010
The 2010-2011 NFL season is so close, bitches. NFL fever is heating up like a rapist’s breath on your neck. As the cheesy-ass NFL Network ad reminds us everyone has high hopes for now. Every NFL team is 0-0 with a chance of winning it all, or so you think. I have some bad news for you all. Your team is going to suck this year. There’s only one team that wins the Super Bowl every year. Everyone else just sucks. Some NFL team fan bases already know their favorite team is going to suck. They tune in to see how their team will suck specifically this season, though. I will be sharing my insights as to why your team is likely to suck on a division-by-division basis. First up, the AFC South.
The Colts had a good season last year. Peyton Manning rallied a young group of rag tag players and went to the Super Bowl but eventually lost to the seemingly predestined New Orleans Saints. Nevermind the reason he has to carry a young rag tag group is because of his exorbitant salary which will soon go up whenever the Colts put together a new deal for him. Manning has one year left on his deal, however, and with negotiations on a new collective bargaining agreement between the NFLPA and NFL owners not moving along at a promising pace Manning may not get another deal before a new CBA is in place. Manning also had surgery in the offseason because his Herman Munster-like neck started to fall apart. Have you never noticed how Peyton looks like Herman Munster’s bastard child? Well now you see it, don’t you? Here is a stat since most of these posts will be pure conjecture. Of the last 11 teams to lose a Super Bowl, eight came back the following year and missed the playoffs. *Sad trombone* Prediction: 9-7
Why the Tennessee Titans will suck this year:
Image via me. I like Nate Washington, though. I bought his Titans’ jersey t-shirt.
This will be simple for me since I am a fan of this team. #1- VINCE YOUNG. Vince has looked good this preseason. This is a smoke screen. Vince completing passes this season is all a ruse so that his subsequent fall will look that much more spectacular. He still does not know how to throw a football. VY cannot put touch on a screen pass either. He throws a screen pass and the running has to duck. If the playbook were anymore dumbed down for Vince he would get everyone in the huddle and say, “Everyone go long.” For running plays he would say, “Snap it to me and I’ll sneak it.”
#2- Chris Johnson- CJ2K’s performance last season was one of the few bright spots the Titans had. 2,000 yards rushing? That is a reason to celebrate, and celebrate Johnson did. The offseason was filled with tweets about “going in” and his “wrist game” being “gone.” I consulted a black person about what some of Johnson had been tweeting meant. After paying what he said was a standard “reparations fee” he explained what some of CJ’s tweets mean. I was way off! I finally had to unfollow Chris Johnson on twitter because it was becoming mostly gibberish. The problem with all of Johnson’s celebrating is I think he forgot to train and stay in shape this offseason. He did not go to one workout at the team facility. I have a sinking feeling he’s going to get injured early on this season. That’s why I have been drafting Javon Ringer late in many fantasy drafts. He’s Chris Johnson’s backup. Without Johnson this is team is crappy. I didn’t even get to the defense. Prediction: 7-9
Why the Houston Texans will suck this year:
The Texans have some good to great offensive players. Matt Schaub is a solid quarterback, and Andre Johnson is arguably the best wide receiver in the game of football. The hype has been hot around this team for a couple of years. Many NFL analysts think this is the year Head Coach Gary Kubiak puts the pieces together and the Texans make the playoffs. Not bloody likely. Schaub and Andre Johnson are injury prone. Owen Daniels, the Texans’ #1 tight end, is still recovering from knee surgery although he is expected to play. The team is relying on a rookie, Arian Foster, to run the football after another rookie they were counting on, Ben Tate, was placed on IR and their other running back, Steve Slaton, can’t get over a chronic case of fumblitis. Yeh, this is the year I see them going to playoffs. Prediciton: 6-10
Why the Jacksonville Jaguars will suck this year:
Come on, they’re the Jaguars. That’s all they know how to do- suck. But seriously, can everyone quit acting like there is some big ticket push the team is committed to? The owner Wayne Weaver and the head coach, Jack Del Rio, have an understanding. This team will be moved to Los Angeles as soon as there is a stadium built for them. Don’t you find it odd that Del Rio has been on the hot seat for about 3 years and not fired yet? There have been about 10,000 seats covered up at the Jaguars stadium for at least 4 years. Del Rio is dogging it, playing possum, whatever you want to call it. The understanding is once the team is able to move to L.A. they will realign the AFC and be able to win the division out west. I predict the AFC South and AFC West will just swap the Kansas City Chiefs and Jacksonville Jaguars. For now the Jaguars are awful, and above is the only logical explanation I can think of for their recent failures. Predicition: 2-14
How did I do in the first round? Nailed the Philly series, came within a 3OT game going the other way of doing the same with the Pittsburgh series, was wrong about the Habs (but did say that the Caps were capable of a Sharkian collapse…)…and let’s not talk about the Bruins. In short, poorly. Now to continue that unparalleled awesomeness, looking at the all too common 4-6-7-8 Eastern Conference Semifinals.
The NFL draft this year was great. I think the three-day format worked, and I heard the ESPN coverage of the first round got a 5.5 share on Thursday night. That’s television-speak for a lot of people watched it. Profootballtalk.com has a report that at least 45.4 million people watched at least a minute of draft coverage. I watched the NFL Network for the whole draft because I value my sanity, and I’m not sure if many people realize it yet, but a new NFL Network star was born on Saturday. Corey Chavous, of the hilariously named Draft Nasty and former NFL player, filled in when Mike Mayock lost his voice on the final day of the draft. Chavous did a good job, and he had knowledge of the picks made way down in the 7th round when it becomes noticeable how quiet the other analysts get from a lack of knowledge. That’s when you hear people at the desk begin to bloviate about teams’ overall drafts, but don’t get too specific because “it’s too early to tell.”
It is not, however, too early to begin laughing at the Broncos for drafting Tim Tebow. God must have come to Coach McDaniels (or should we go ahead and start calling him former head coach) the night before the draft in a vision and told the coach to draft Tebow. That is the only logical scenario I can come up with as to how Tebow got drafted before the third round. I’ve heard of reach picks, but that one was too high for Manute Bol to reach.
The draft always feels like the payoff, the oasis in the desert of the offseason, and my favorite part of the Madden video games is always offseason mode. I always take my time and savor the moments instead of skipping through to rush to the preseason- barf. One thing troubling about the draft this year is now that the draft is over, analysts and prognosticators are shy about giving draft grades. Peter King says he won’t do draft grades. What’s wrong Peter King? Brett Favre made fun of you for doing draft grades one time, and it hurt your feelings? Adam Schefter, grow a pair and grade the draft. Colin Cowherd won’t grade a team’s draft. He will only grade a teams entire offseason and the first and maybe second round pick in the draft. I thought you had some conviction, Colin.
What these other sports journalists and commentators lack, Mel Kiper Jr. has in spades, balls. He doesn’t cut and run from his scouting. He gives grades no matter how far his beloved Jimmy Clausen slid down the draft board. Kiper realizes the teams aren’t going to grade themselves and need someone from the outside keeping them accountable for when they screw up by not listening to him. Kiper giving grades has inspired me to also let my nuts hang out and hand out some grades, no analysis, though. Grades only! You don’t like it? Well, sir, these colors don’t run. Watch out because Vampire Kiper has my back as I see if my nuts hang to the floor.
Keep in mind this list is very subjective. That does not make it in any way less ballsy.
Arizona Cardinals: C+
Atlanta Falcons: B+
Baltimore Ravens: A-
Buffalo Bills: Participant (more…)
The Gally Blog will be having a live blog draft party beginning around 7:15 PM EST/ 6:15 PM CST. Come drink and hate with us. At least when your team bumbles their pick you will be able to curse them somewhere of public record. Logic and Nonpopulist will be your hosts with all of your Gally Blog favorites stopping by. Bring a friend and some booze, mooch.
The third installment (picks 22-32): Can you feel the NFL draft fever heating up? Oooohhhh, it burns when I pee! We here at The Gally Blog decided to pool our knowledge and do a mock draft for you, the reader. Sure, we could have started doing mock drafts right after Alabama won the national championship, but it is MUCH easier to wait until everyone else does a mock draft so we can cheat off of other people’s work compare notes. In case you missed it, Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.
22. Patriots- Nonpopulist: Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas. Has the Patriots defense been a sham for enough years to make commentators stop talking about it yet? Sergio has a nice name and is a good pass rushing LB. They’ll be lucky to still get him here because I have seen Kindle going higher in a few mock drafts. Gally: What are you talking about? The Pats defense has that guy. You know, Richard Seymour. Oh, well what about Teddy Bruschi? He had a stroke? Seriously? Well what about that guy, or you know that other guy?
K-Gun: Hey! Sergio! You’ve gotta get us outta here and so I say hey, Sergio! It’s gettin’ kinda hot in here and so I say hey. [horns] [oioioi]
23. Packers- PJDiaries: Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. As a Vikings fan, writing about the Packers is easy. They need to draft everything because they suck! Teehee! This is also where WisconsinRob and I fight. Anyway, the main focus for the worst team ever at this pick was determined by their gang bang in the Arizona playoff game where Kurt Warner threw for 7000 yards and their offensive line blacked out on the last play where Erin was sacked. Oline and defensive back field help became the focus. It’s all pretty fresh, but since you can’t draft for two needs at once (unless the dude swings both ways, amirite?!) the Packers take the better player available to help their oline or DBs and that’s Devin McCourty, the CB from Rutgers. Charles Brown, the OT from USC is an option here but I don’t buy it especially when you still have that gaping vagina Al Harris on your team. You have to replace him soon. Gally: yeah, it’s a pretty weak year for top notch o-lineman this year, so they may as well upgrade their secondary. Even Wisconsin Rob would agree here.
24. Eagles- Logic: Taylor Mays. S, USC. The Eagles might be calling this season a wash and rebuilding with their young skill players. I see an upgrade on defense in their future. Too bad their fans can’t upgrade their class, or SAT scores. PJD: Wow, I didn’t even know that people hated Philly fans so much. I would like to subscribe to your brochure of hate.
25. Ravens- Nonpopulist: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee. This pick is a toss-up between defensive line and tight end. The Ravens have a mostly aging defensive line, and not even God knows what kind of season Todd Heap is going to have. Tight end is also one of the most likely positions from which teams can get good production right away. Dan Williams next to Ngata scares me, frankly. Gally: Everson Griffen is also a valid choice right now. If you look at their roster right now, they don’t have a single guy listed as a strict DE. All of them are LB/DE combos. Even in the 3-4 though, you need a big strong DE. Griffen did 32 reps, is 6’4″ 273 and runs a 4.65 40. Seems like he could be a good fit for them.
26. Cardinals- Gally: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama. I know you’re thinking they need a QB other than Matt Leinhart and Derek Anderson, but shouldn’t we give them a year before we throw them in the woodchipper? There’s also that Roethlisberger guy who might still be on the market at the trade deadline. They really need a MLB here, but there’s none rated high enough to take at this point of the draft and the 1st round quality safeties are gone by this point in time. It might be a stretch to take Cody this early, but I saw him play in way too many games for a Northern Canadian last year. All I got was SEC games and I know Cody is a beast. He’s fallen on some boards due to conditioning and thoughts that he’s only a 2 down type of guy, but if he dominates those two downs who the hell cares.
Can you feel the NFL draft fever heating up? Oooohhhh, it burns when I pee! We here at The Gally Blog decided to pool our knowledge and do a mock draft for you, the reader. Sure, we could have started doing mock drafts right after Alabama won the national championship, but it is MUCH easier to wait until everyone else does a mock draft so we can cheat off of other people’s work compare notes. In case you missed it, Part 1 is here.
11. Broncos (From Bears)- Gally: Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech. This team is berefit of receivers and tight ends that are able to catch the ball. With the trades of Brandon Marshall and Tony Scheffler, old neckbeard has no receiving safety blankets. They were weak defending the run last year, but with the top two DT’s already taken I think they trade down so they can take TE Rob Gronkowski or WR Demaryius Thomas. Having said that and this being a mock draft, not mock season sim with trade capabilities on the PS3, they take the best player on the board. Georgia Tech DE Derrick Morgan. Nonpopulist: Hey, my name’s Josh McDaniels, and I can win with anyone. I don’t need elite players. Do you know who I am? I coached under Bill freaking Belichick, Now marvel at my drafting cock.
Yeah, this is a preview. I was kidnapped by banditos and forced to impregnate all their senoritas because apparently riding horses across the Mexican frontier renders one sterile absolutely buried with real life shit. Apologies to my horde of regular readers. So there’s even more content here because I can look back and analyze what I thought would happen, which will appear in italics. Sadly, it doesn’t appear like my beloved Wild will win the Cup this year. So here’s a look at the Western Conference.
In our continuing Super Bowl coverage I bring to you brilliant expert NFL analysis from an unlikely source. Two Canadians, Andrew Bucholtz and myself. Without further ado, here’s Andrew’s take.
In my mind, one of the keys to this year’s Super Bowl is going to be the running game. The Saints were one of the best rushing teams this year, finishing sixth in the regular-season in yards per game (131.6) and first in Football Outsiders’ efficiency metrics. They have a triple-threat lineup with the quick-but-powerful Pierre Thomas, the lightning-fast Reggie Bush and the bruising Mike Bell. Meanwhile, the Colts were last in yards per game (80.9) and 22nd according to Football Outsiders, but they found a lot of success rushing the ball in the AFC championship against the Jets’ great run defence. They didn’t get too far lining up in traditional run formations, but had terrific results rushing the ball when everyone was expecting a pass.
The Colts face a tough task trying to shut down the Saints’ rushing game. For one thing, New Orleans is so explosive in both the rushing and passing games that it’s tough to sell out to stop one or the other. For another, the Saints’ backs all have vastly diverse running styles, making it more difficult to draw up a plan to deal with all of them. However, the Colts do have one advantage; their linemen and linebackers are generally small and fast, which should make them a bit more effective at slowing down Thomas and Bush than the typical NFL defence.
For the Saints’ defence, they’ll have to be careful not to focus too much on just stopping the Colts’ passing game. That’s what the Jets did in the AFC championship game, and they got burned on some unexpected runs by Joseph Addai. They did better stopping Donald Brown, and part of the reason is Brown’s weakness as a pass-blocker (see this clip of Peyton Manning yelling “Goddamnit, Donald” after Brown missed a block against the Ravens in the divisional round ). Even though he might be a more talented runner then Addai, the play-call is usually a run when he checks in, which loses the element of surprise. By contrast, Addai isn’t a great power back, but he’s good at picking up blitzes and catching passes out of the backfield. The Saints will need to keep him contained if they hope to win.
In the end, there are always a multitude of different elements that go into any football game. Good execution on offence, defence and special teams is important, but so are the breaks such as big kick returns, missed field goals, improperly run routes, fumbles and interceptions. Still, I’d expect both teams’ rushing offences and defences to play a key role in today’s game. Whichever team does better on the ground will have a sizeable advantage, and may just come out on top. (more…)
In an effort to continue to offer somewhat unique Super Bowl content, I reached out to two relatively prominent fans of this years Super Bowl Teams. I asked these guys some simple questions for their thoughts on the game.
1) What is your teams key to the game?
2) What, if they are successfully able to do it, would be the opposing teams key to the game?
3) What is your teams secret weapon/x-factor?
4) What is something, anything that you’d like to see in the game?
5) What is your prediction for the game?
For the Saints we have Cajun Boy. Those of you familiar with Blogfrica should know who he is. Those of you needing a refresher, he writes for Yahoo, Animal New York, and his personal site. He’s a transplanted Louisiana native that now calls New York City home.
1) what is the key to re game for the Saints? Running the ball effectively in order to get a few long, sustained drives…a good offense is the best defense against Peyton Manning. If we can keep him off the field for long stretches at a time, I think we’ll win the game.
2) what, if they can pull it off is the key to the game for the Colts? I think for the Colts it’s two things: keeping our offense off the field with long drives on offense, but also getting pressure on Drew Brees when the Saints do have the ball. If he has time to sit in the pocket and pick his spots, forget about it. I don’t think the Colts secondary is good enough to blanket all of our weapons for more than a couple of seconds. If Drew has time to throw, he’ll kill them.
3) what is the Saints secret weapon/x-factor? I think in this game it’s Jeremy Shockey. This season, the Saints are 15-0 when he plays and 0-3 during the games he missed because of injuries. He’s a great blocker and pass catcher, but perhaps most important is that he brings an attitude to the field that’s contagious. He just seems to fire everybody up.
4) what is something, anything that you’d like to see happen in the Super Bowl? I’d like to see the Saints win first and foremost, but secondly I’d like to see Reggie Bush play a game that kills any future talk about him being a bust as a pro. I’d like to see Reggie become a legitimate star on Sunday. However, with that said, I’d want Drew win the Super Bowl MVP award.
5) what is your prediction for the game? I’ve thought about this a lot, I really have, and I really think that not only will the Saints win, but they’ll win going away. I just think we match up well with the Colts and we have weapons that can exploit their weaknesses. I also think Peyton Manning will have a bad game, by Peyton Manning standards anyway. Saints 38, Colts 20. WHO DAT! (more…)
Howdy folks! Did you hear the news? The Super Bowl is going on this Sunday. It’s funny that I hadn’t heard anything about it. In more serious news, I reached out to some of my favorite bloggers and media types to ask them a few questions. If you didn’t get an email from me, sorry. I only had so much time. The questions I asked were, 1)What is something, anything that you’d like to see happen in the Super Bowl 2)What is your prediction for the game?[edit:apparently I switched up the order of questions at some point, so some of the answers are flipped but still make sense.] The answers I got back ranged from simple to in depth and were serious, deadpan, facetious and everything in between.
Josh Zerkle: I like the Saints 31-17. I’d really just like the game to be close going into the fourth quarter. I have a feeling it will be.
Jack Kogod/Unsilent: I’m predicting a win for the Colts. What I’d most like to see is Tom Benson accidentally poking Roger Goodell in the eye with his umbrella.
Dan Levy: I really want to see the game go down to the wire like the last two, but the odds aren’t in favor of that happening three games in a row. That’s not to say the game won’t be close, I just don’t see a tip-toe TD or helmet grab to end this one. I think it would be so great for the Saints to win, but I have a feeling the Colts will. As for what I’d like to see, I’d really like to see Reggie Bush do something bone-headed. And I’m not talking about something like a fumble trying to get more yards, or even a muffed punt like in the NFC title game. I mean like the old Reggie Bush of USC who would randomly lateral a ball in the open field in a National Title game. A ‘big-time players make big-time plays’ type of move. I don’t even care if it works. In fact, it might be cooler if he does try something crazy and pulls it off. But he’s one of the few guys in this game that could really give an OMFG moment, so I hope that happens.
Lenny-Hail Mary Jane: 1) I got the colts. Even though everytime I gone adamantly against the Saints this season they ended up winning and when I picked them they lost. I’m still taking the colts though. 2) I want to see a close game. Everyone is expecting an offensive shootout but I would love to see a game where both the teams score less than 20 points and one of two plays determine the game.
Brandon-ROTU,Gunaxin: 1) I see Peyton Manning throwing for over 300 yards in a narrow Colts loss. I think the Saints will screen pass and dink and/or dunk the Colts D to death. Saints 42, Colts 38. 2) I would like to see Archie Manning pull a Laura Quinn and wear a half Colts/half Saints jersey. (more…)
Photo via Manning Face
