Our founder and editor, Gally, unwittingly sparked a lively internet discussion the other day when he mused noted blogger Matt Ufford to be “The Blogfather.” Being Canadian and not a big fan of The Godfather movies he probably put Ufford in a bit too big of a role. Luckily WisconsinRob, Logic, Roto_tudor, and I, Nonpopulist (but mainly WisconsinRob) swooped in to debate who should be cast in the roles of the classic Francis Ford Coppola film series if all the parts were cast as sports bloggers. I realize this is highly subjective to begin with, but it is even more so because Kissing Suzy Kolber was the first sports blog I ever followed with any regularity. Therefore most all of the Corleone family parts will be filled by KSK’ers. This is what I have been able to piece together from Rob’s twitter feed and our emails back and forth.
The Real Actors/Godfather Characters – Sports Bloggers
This post originally aired last week but was lost when our host wiggled our server around
There is the balls deep song video from last night’s Cleveland Show that is sure to be making the rounds of dick joke blogs this fine day. And yes, that actually is Scottie Pippen singing in the video. I had to look it up. In case you checked out after your bracket imploded the second day of the NCAA tournament I am here to remind you tonight is the NCAA men’s basketball Championship pitting lowly Butler versus the “look down upon you through their nose” Duke Blue Devils. The betting lines I’m seeing now show Duke at only a 7.5 point favorite, and from my cursory research I’m seeing the original line was 6.5 in favor of Duke. That seems low to me, but then again I haven’t watched one NCAA tournament game. Not one. The money has moved the line a whole point. I honestly do not see a way that Duke loses this game. People have been spewing some serious hate at Duke recently through twitter, blogs, and plain old yelling on city sidewalks. I don’t really hate Duke per see. It’s more like I almost nothing them. I can’t remember what movie that is from either. I just don’t really follow college basketball, but I know Duke often wins and people like to hate on winners which is why you see so much hate for the Yankees, Patriots, Steelers, and Trinity College Squash- the bastards. A long-time favorite website, Fark.com, notoriously tags a large percentage of sports-related posts with “Duke Sucks.” It got me thinking about who the most hated sports team in history is. Is that too subjective of a topic to broach? I think not. There’s probably plenty of hate to go around, though. I hate the Baltimore Ravens, the whole sport of golf, and the whole sport of NASCAR- it’s driving, people. I dislike the Yankees and Duke, but I wouldn’t categorize my feelings as hate. Vote for your most-hated team or just hate me in the comments.
Update: Duke won.
Holy hell batman. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any cooler, this 3 year old comes along and punks me and all of you. Mostly the all of you part. According to the verbiage on the other site, Boom Clips,
Wesley Muresan is just 3 years old and he can already do tricks on his snowboard! He was recently featured on NBC`s `The Today Show`.
When I was three I was running waddling around trying to not crap myself and failing most of the time. That, eating boogers and you know, getting easily distracted. Hey look, sparkles.
Obviously Panda’s are cute as all hell, I don’t need to tell you guys that. They’re relatively awesome too. Maybe not as awesome as Josh ranked them, but awesome none the less. As a responsible yet pantsless blogger, I feel it is my responsibility to warn you not to fuck with them though. Those things are dangerous, on drugs and apparently know kung fu. How else do you explain the psychotic drug fueled rage, or sick ninja skills the panda displays in getting revenge on the tree that caused it to hit the ground. Holy hell, talk about a run-on sentence but unless you’re going to unleash a panda army on me I think I’m safe in doing it again.
This is not going to be a long story because I don’t know how to add to it. Tony Washington, a Division II draft prospect from Albilene Christian…well…there is no easy way to say this…so I’ll just say it. Homey stuffed his sister’s box. Honestly, the only thing I’m going to say is this:
Going down on your sister has to be like drinking non-alcoholic beer. Sure it tastes the same…but it’s still fucking wrong, man.
Have you ever been sitting there thinking, “man I really want to like figure skating. It’s just missing something”? Have you ever been thinking about this while sitting near a 80′s van?
Fuck Yeah!
Did that van cause you to think about dragons and swords and metal? Well, if so than you probably thought figure skating, in its improved state, would look a little something like this: continue for video
Well shit. We’ve just dropped into a sports deadzone here (unless you like hockey, but then you can just move to Canada, you asshole) where NBA basketball is still too early in the season to be excited for the playoffs, the Olympics are over, and the only good thing about the NFL is that I get to touch myself to 20 – 24 year old men running around in shorts. Hm? Our only saving grace is to get oddly intrigued about the possibility for baseball. Now, if you think I’m going to do some patsy fantasy baseball preview, or division breakdowns, or World Series predictions, then you’re damned crazy. I care about baseball only in that it’s a sport to excuse myself from the wifey with. Or, if you’re from Minnesota, entice her with, thanks to Joe Mauer.
I don’t have anything actually insightful to add to this whole thing; I just thought the commercial was a surprisingly funny one and wanted you to all share in laughter with me. Oh, wait, there is one other thing … Fuck you Playstation right in your rumble pack. Jerks. FIX YO’ NETWERK!!1!1!!! Oh. Hurray!
A Russian hockey team with an amount of firepower that would make even SPECTRE’s most elite evil scientists blush goes out with a whimper against a Canadian team that was considered dead in the water just two days prior. Throw in some early playoff exits, and the face of the team, Alex Ovechkin, is starting to get a reputation for choking (I, for one, am stunned that those steel teeth can chew through a cable, but not pare food down to an acceptable size) in big moments. Sure, there were other stars on that Russian team- Evgeni Malkin, for one- but at the end of the day, it was AO’s team. So, without further ado, I’ve assembled a list of things to keep away from Ovechkin. Just in case.
McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys (unless approved for children under 3)
Legos (Mega Blocks may be ok)
Mr. Potato Head
Cucumbers
Carrots
Celery
Loaves of Bread
Croutons
Popsicles
Hot Dogs
Pop Bottles
Blow-Pops
Dum-Dums
Saf-T-Pops
Bottle Caps
Alexander Semin (/rimshot)
Pierre McGuire (Er, wait, that’d be the other way around)
Logic’s groin area (Just kidding. No risk there. BA-ZING BLOG BURN)
Unlike the rest of the world, I never really get all that aroused by the entire Olympic games. What, we need to have some queens ski down a hill in order to determine national supremecy? I mean, I get the appeal. Fighting for worldwide recognition is pretty sweet (and sticking it to those damn Ruskies is always a good time) but I just don’t know if those national bragging rights still exist in today’s global climate, especially when there’s no Cold Wars, and the entire world is way more jacked for World Cup soccer. That, and like any other asshole American, if it’s not football I don’t really care.
Unless it’s figuring skating. Because once those blades hit the Olympic ice, there aren’t enough ice cubes in my freezer to keep my boner contained.
I can’t explain this romance I have for Olympic figure skating, and really, it’s ONLY Olympic figure skating. What draws me to it are the same things that draw people to any other Olympic sport. Those reasons range from the potential of someone falling and ruining their life long dreams to the tight fitting outifts that are worn by the (probably) 14 year old Chinese girls. RAWR! But you can find that type of appeal in downhill skiing, gymnastics, swimming, and any other number of random Olympic games. Yet for some reason, figuring skating holds my interest more than any of these, HANDS DOWN. (more…)
Howdy folks. It sure has been busy here lately. For all you new readers, I hope you like the place and for all you old readers, thanks for sticking with us. I’ve got an actual full real day off today so I’m taking it. We’ll be back tomorrow with all new original content and awesome dick jokes.
Our founder and editor, Gally, unwittingly sparked a lively internet discussion the other day when he mused noted blogger Matt Ufford to be “The Blogfather.” Being Canadian and not a big fan of The Godfather movies he probably put Ufford in a bit too big of a role. Luckily WisconsinRob, Logic, Roto_tudor, and I, Nonpopulist (but mainly WisconsinRob) swooped in to debate who should be cast in the roles of the classic Francis Ford Coppola film series if all the parts were cast as sports bloggers. I realize this is highly subjective to begin with, but it is even more so because Kissing Suzy Kolber was the first sports blog I ever followed with any regularity. Therefore most all of the Corleone family parts will be filled by KSK’ers. This is what I have been able to piece together from Rob’s twitter feed and our emails back and forth.
Those reasons range from the potential of someone falling and ruining their life long dreams to the tight fitting outifts that are worn by the (probably) 14 year old Chinese girls. RAWR! But you can find that type of appeal in downhill skiing, gymnastics, swimming, and any other number of random Olympic games. Yet for some reason, figuring skating holds my interest more than any of these, HANDS DOWN. 
