Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday May 21st 2011

‘RIP’ Archive

I’m Burnin’ For You: Old King Clancy Watches the Skins-Giants Game

… Dan Snyder, I want to kill you. Kristen Bell, I want to …

It’s over. Now I have to go back to actually writing instead of paint-by-numbers. I believe there was a football game in there somewhere. One that involved 4 Skins turnovers and a missed 30-yard field goal. But now we’re in the offseason and my digestive system can rest easy.

Did you know that the Redskins team headquarters and facilities are in Ashburn, Virginia. I officially motion that they change the cozy hamlet’s name to Cockburn, Virginia. Speaking of Cockburn, since none of you have ever experienced what it’s like to have to drink Cockburn after your team loses (yet — man up, suckers!), there’s no way of escaping. You receive an official message from CBHQ that it’s time to drink it. In circles of the know, it’s called a CockBurn Notice. Also, in Cockburn-eligible games that one is unable to watch, you may communicate with fellow members of the Order of the Burn by way of CB Radio. Just thought you might want to know. Anyway, let’s head down to our Official Cockburn Count Correspondent after the jump. (more…)

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Greg Giraldo is now Headlining Heaven

In what might be the saddest news of the year, Greg Giraldo has died. It was reported via Jimmy Norton’s twitter and later confirmed by TMZ. Giraldo had a drug overdose after a four night stand at The Stress Factory in New Jersey. They are ruling it accidental, mostly because of his openness about his struggles with drinking and drugs. He was sober for a very long time, and as of recent, it became visible to a lot of people that he had been using again.

Apparently, Greg was at a party after his show; he then came home to the hotel he was staying at and that’s where they found him unresponsive. So, I would rule suicide out.

He was a brilliant comic who graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law. His “smart humor” was unparalleled by anyone in the business. It really is a shame that he is best known for Last Comic Standing and his Roasts because I think he had the potential to be one of the top headliners in America if he wanted to. The thing is, he didn’t need to do any of this. He could’ve been a fucking lawyer if he wanted.

What makes it sad is the fact that it happened on Sunday and the poor guy was in a coma until last night. I really thought he was going to pull through. I didn’t even know he was in a coma, but I’m guessing he was. I figured he was just in the hospital and being monitored. There were not many details that came out on what he took, who he was with and how long after did they find him.

I actually had a big plan to roast Giraldo one last time, but I thought that’d be classless…even for me. So we’ll just thank Greg for all of the laughs, wish his wife and children the best without their father and admit that Heaven just got a whole lot funnier. So let’s enjoy a video from one of the popular Comedy Central Roasts of Larry the Cable Guy.¬† I’m praying for Giraldo to have books on top of books written or screen plays and he could be like a modern day comedy Tupac Nirvana.

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