Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday May 21st 2011

‘Roast’ Archive

The Roast of Brett Favre

Relax, he's not really dead. Not for a lack of hopeful thinking though.
Relax, he's not really dead. Not for a lack of hopeful thinking though.

Logic: Hello, I’m Logic and I’ll be your Roastmaster General tonight. I welcome you all, and for those of you that don’t know, this is the Brett Favre Roast. Or Roast of Brett Favre. Whatever. It’s more like a cremation, anyway. You old bastard. If you try to take a dive and give one of the Giants a sack record this year, Osi Umenyiora might re-injure his leg on your walker. Do you think it’s weird that you could be Josh McDaniel’s daddy? It must have been weird with Eric Mangini last year, huh? So that means you were basically Rommel? Man, going to the Jets was such a bad career move. The last time I saw someone ruin their legacy that fast an 11 year-old ripped off Michael Jackson’s nose in self-defense. What the hell were you thinking? You have this amazing streak of playing all these games through injury, but people don’t realize that you were bad in half of those games. Yeah. Congrats on having one good season, Brett. No, I don’t want to hear it. You won one Super Bowl. You’re like a Trent Dilfer that couldn’t take the hint.

[camera shoots to Trent Dilfer chuckling like a bald idiot.]

(more…)

Popularity: 3% [?]

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Suzy Kolber to Finally Get Her Sweet Revenge Against Joe Namath


Tonight, Friday August 6th in Birmingham, AL at the Birmingham Jefferson Convention Complex there will be a charity roast of Joe Namath to benefit The Children’s First Foundation, a charity in which Namath apparently firmly believes since he has a link to them on his personal website. Yes, Joe Namath has a personal website. No, I don’t know for what possible reason. According to my cursory internet research this is not the first roast at which Namath has been toasted (see here and here.) Actually, it seems as though Broadway Joe is a bit of a roast whore. If you give it away too much, Joe, people won’t value getting to make fun of what a drunk asshole you were on that Monday night football game. Have some self respect, man. I first heard about the roast listening to the Paul Finebaum radio program in my car a while back. I believe Finebaum is going to be the MC for the event if he can stand having his head out of Nick Saban’s ass that long. The only thing I can tell that sets this roast of the Super Bowl-winning quarterback apart is Suzy Kolber will be the lead roaster. That’s right. Kolber will get to confront her former assailant and verbally kickbox him like Jennefer Lopez in Enough. Let’s hope she paid funny people to write her jokes for her.


Your best roast of Namath in the comments.

Popularity: 7% [?]

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