The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers
NFL: Mark Sanchise turned the ball over twice against the Saints yesterday. Well more than twice, but he turned over twice for TD’s as Gregg Williams may have in fact transformed the Saints D from a flaming pile of dog shit to a legitimate D. Peyton Manning brought his laser rocket arm out again today as he threw for 353 yards and two TD’s. He’s now tied with Fran Tarkenton for third place all time with 342 TD passes. The battle of Ohio turned out to be better than any one expected as Cincy beat the Browns 23-20 in overtime. Ochocinco had 2 TD’s and nobody but one of the retarded announcers didn’t know the OT rules. The 49ers absolutely crushed the Rams 35-0. San Fran’s D got three scores and put up an incredible 39 fantasy points, carrying fantasy teams to win worldwide.
MLB: For the second straight year the Twins are in a one game playoff to determine the winner of the AL Central. They crushed the royals 13-4 and the Tigers got 8 strong innings out of Verlander as they beat the White Sox 5-3. A-Rod proved again that he’s super clutch in the regular season as he hit 2 HR’s and 7 RBI in the sixth inning alone as the Yanks beat the Rays 10-2. Nutty, but don’t worry non-Yanks fans, he’ll likely dissapear in the post season like he always does. Maybe this year instead of hooking up with Madonna or manly women he can find himself a good old fashioned Thai lady-boy. In Ken Griffey Jr’s potential final game, King Felix dominated as the M’s beat the Rangers by a score of 4-3. Griffey started his career in Seattle, and when he left for the Reds his career was never the same as it was derailed by injuries. He is the active career leader in hits and home runs.
Time for your daily pill. Whore. I mean come on you keep having them day after day, that’s gotta mean something.
MLB: Remember last week when Brad Penny sucked enough that the Red Sox waived him? Well now that he’s down in the minor leagues, the NL, he got good again. He pitched 8 shutout innings in his debut for the Giants as they beat the Phillies 4-0. Chris Carpenter didn’t play his best, but it was good enough to get his 10th straight win as the Cards beat the Brewers 10-3. CC Sabathia won his AL leading 16th game and lover of manly women and himself, A-Rod, got his 2500th career hit as the Yanks beat the Orioles 10-2.
NFL: Saturday is the day teams have to cut their rosters down to 53 people. The Eagles expect that Herr Goodell will make his decision and rule on when Michael Vick will be reinstated by then. It makes sense that he wouldn’t be a dick and would actually give them the ruling. If he doesn’t, Vick would likely have to be put on the Exempt list and therefore would not be allowed to practice until taken off the Exempt list. It’s expected that he will be allowed to play in the week 3 matchup against the Chiefs. But hey what’s expected to happen and what does happen are two different things. After all the news that Pacman Jones would be joining the Blue Bombers of the CFL, it’s no longer happening.
NBA: More bad news for you Minnesotans. Ricky Rubio, while still commited to the NBA, has declined the Timberwolves latest offer saying that it would be too risky for him and complicate his life too much. He did, as expected transfer clubs as his former club received the $5M buyout from his new club.
NHL: RIM CEO and Canadian Billionaire, Jim Balsille, says that he would be willing to play half of the upcoming years home games in Hamilton and half in Phoenix if that would help him in his plan to move the Coyotes out of Phoenix.
US Open, Mens: Nadal returned to Grand Slam action after skipping Wimbledon with wonky knees. He looked solid, and says his knees feel great, but there could still be some rust. Marat Safin was defeated in his farewell tour as he plans on retiring at years end. Federer was Federer. He stretched his US. Open win streak to 36 matches as he tries to become the first man since Bill Tilden in the 20′s to win the Open 6 times in a row.
US Open, Women: Venus and Serena Williams, as well as former number 1 Kim Clijsters advanced. I don’t really have anything else to say about it since Sharapova wasn’t playing. Maybe I’ll care more at the Finals.