How to write an entertaining blog post for The Gally Blog – By PJDiaries

Well, hello Saint Patrick’s Day. How nice of you to come around again and provide a reason for ginger haired Irish bastards to think that they’re more than smut and for giving a reason for everyone else in the world to drink unabashedly.  Today we’re not alcoholics, we’re just celebrating heritage!

It's funny because the cat is drinking beer!

Well not me, because I work all day and have school all night. And I’m not Irish either, because I’m mildly attractive, you see. But that doesn’t mean that I’m all business, oh no. Instead, I am willing to start a meme to keep everyone’s interest today for no other reason than because, if you’re stuck doing boring shit like I am today, than you may need to find an appropriate way to waste time. So here we go. I’m sure many of you have done this before, but what are some of the shortest books that could ever possibly be written? For example, “Respecting your wife and family” by Tiger Woods. Oh hey, a Tiger Woods joke, right after he announced that he’ll be returning to play the Masters! Hilarious! But you get the idea.

I’ll start us off with some probably not very funny examples, just to get the ball rolling for the real comedians around here to chime in. But if you’re around or lucky enough to not have to work today, join in on the fun. Here goes:

“Positive conflict resolution” by Ray Lewis

“Ho-hum: How to not become the greatest NCAA football coach in the history of the game”  by Tom Osborne

“Respecting the game” by Bryant McKinnie

“Consensual sex with an well known friend” by Ben Roethlisberger

More after the jump …

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Ben Roethlisberger, Collaborative posting, Lists, Opposite day?, Self depricating humor, Tim Tebow, Tony Dungy
Category Holiday Fun |

The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition.

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of yesterday’s sporting events.  Except lately it hasn’t been daily.  It’s only happened on my days.  Which means it’s been Monday/Wednesday-y.  So anyway.  Recaps t’is!

Good morning, kiddies!  It’s that time of the week again.  Except I’m a little late today, so it’s a good thing there’s a pill for that.  Shall we?

Amerikanische Fußball: The Vikings destroyed Seattle.  Destroyed = 35 teh’ 9.  D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D.  So much so that they didn’t even need Favre after the 3rd quarter.  Even T-Jack threw a touchdown.  What do Percy Harvin, Visanthe Shiancoe, Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice (x2) all have in common?  Other than being black, or playing for the Vikings at Mall of America Field vs. the pitiful Seattle Seahawks?  Give up?  They all scored touchdowns yesterday.  Noticeably absent from that list? Adrian Peterson.  Regardless, AP still surpassed 1,000 rushing yards yesterday, going three seasons strong.  And for all you Favrehards, it should be noted that he was at 88% yesterday – which I have to admit is quite stellar.  Fine.  I said it.  Seattle should probably stick to what it does best: acoustic guitar sets and Starbucks.  But the biggest news to come out of yesterday’s games, is the defeat of Pittsburgh by…wait for it…KANSAS CITY! Kansas City?  Yup.  I didn’t get to see any of this game, because I was busy being at an awesome one (the Vikings), but my analysis of the Box Score tells me the following: In Total Plays, Total Yards, and Possession, the Steel’ were twice as  good as KC.  However, they had twice as many penalties and 2 INTs to KC’s aught.  It also doesn’t help that The Rapistberger got his dome rocked and they had to put John Legend in to replace him.  So really, it’s all that guy’s fault and everyone should go egg his house.

NBA: So my Celts eked one out past the Knicks last night.  What?  The Knicks are the opposite of good.  And it went into OT!  The Celts were forced to rely on Paul Pierce the entire game, who scored a season-high 33 points.  For some reason (probably because they miss me so much), everyone else was having an off night.  KG was only 4 for 15 of FGs made/attempted, and Ray Allen was only 3 for 13; though Allen also put up 1 3-pointer (of 6 attempted, and 6 of 6 free throws.  Pierce was 9 for 17 in FGs, 6 for 7 in 3 pointers, and 9 for 10 in FTs.  Sheed, on the other hand, did absolutely nothing.  Except probably scare the piss out of people and pick imaginary bugs off himself.  I’m pretty sure he was only brought on for intimidation factor.  I’m going to start putting together my dream team, and it will most definitely include Ron Artest and Sheed.  Anyway, through some great strategizing by Pierce in OT, he was able to draw all the attention to himself and quickly lob the ball over to a wide-open KG who is so clutch he made the game winning shot.  See, kiddies?  Even if you’re having a tough day, just keep at it and you will succeed.  If you can dream it, you can be it!  There were a bunch of other games yesterday (Orlando v. Toronto, Indiana v. Charlotte, New Orleans v. Miami, Detroit v. Phoenix, and OK City v. Lakers), but they were all lopsided which = BO-RING.  It also means I don’t feel like recapping them right now, because I didn’t start working on this til this morning.

Fußball: I know nothing about Soccer other than David Beckham looks like this:

But I did also learn that the LA Galaxy fell to Real Salt Lake in the MLS Cup.  I also learned that it’s all Landon Donovan’s fault, because he’s a chump.  Donovan (who would be a lot cooler if he was this Donovan), completely blew a penalty kick.  Then Real from Mormon Country got totally pumped up and some guy named Robbie Russell (cool alliteration!) got the game-winning penalty shot, of which Donovan was probably the offender.  Because I said so.  If you’d like to read some more in-depth discussion from the world of the ball with all the little pentagons all over it, Avoiding the Drop can satiate your every desire.  A big HOLLA! goes out to @2Yellows over on twit.  :)

Happy Monday – if you’re on the East Coast your day is almost halfway over!  If you’re on the Dub-Cee, well…get your coffee brewing.

xoxo!

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Avoiding the Drop, Bernard Berrian, Boston Celtics, david beckham, Kansas City Chiefs, Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Vikings, MLS Cup, NBA, New York Knicks, NFL, Paul Pierce, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Ray Allen, Seattle Seahawks, Sheed, Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe
Category Morning After Pill |

Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is where we recap the previous days events. Some sports and teams are left out due to lack of caring.

NHL: Quite possibly the most important man ever involved with the sport of Hockey, Wayne Gretzky, stepped down as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. Gretzky was a partial owner of the team, and as part of his income with the team his salary was $8.5 million a year. Yeah, he made College Football coaches look like poor schmucks. But the team is in Bankruptcy court in a dirty fight for control of the team. He realized that he wouldn’t be sticking around with either ownership group, so he decided to step down so the team would maintain some sort of structure. Peter Forsberg scored a goal in his comeback game with Modo. As expected he was rusty, so I guess we should take him out back and give him the Old Yeller treatment.

NFL: Donovan MacNabb is still nursing a broken rib and is unlikely to play this weekend. In related but not tied together news, Mike Vick will make his return to the NFL this week. As I’ve always said, the world just doesn’t give rich people enough chances. Adrian Peterson has a wonky back, but that wont keep him out of the Vikings home opener vs. the 49ers. Although this just reinforces Drew’s belief that Purple Jesus is going to break his back.

I wonder if that's on purpose?

Women’s Golf: Natalie Gulbis shot 8 strokes back of the leader at the CVS/pharmacy LPGA Open. The leader after one round is Sophie Gustafson who shot a round of -7. Do you care? No, and neither do I. I just wanted an excuse to post that picture.

College Football: The Southern Carolina Gamecocks played host to the Mississippi “Ole Miss” Rebels in a Nationally televised SEC matchup. The over/under was set at something like 53, and takers of the under were the big winners as SC beat Ole Miss 16-10. It was a decently entertaining game, a defensive battle that SC won. They ground down the clock, and made Jevan Snead look very much like Jamarcus Russell as he completed only 7-21 attempts for 107 yards. I enjoyed the game, but I was bored and work was slow.

MLB: (more…)

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Arsene Wagner, Blue Jays, Dodgers, Felix Hernandez, M's, Nationals, Ole Miss, Peter Forsberg, Sean O'Hair, South Carolina, Tiger Woods, Twins, Wayne Gretzky
Category Morning After Pill |

Brett Favre's Return and The Gunslinger Goes Dirty

I hope nobody hits me, I'll crap myself

Well crikey, Brett Favre, the annointed one, made his triumphant return to football last night. What’s that you say, he’s played in the othr preseason games, well it doesn’t matter. He played the whole first half last night. I’m not really on the whole hating Favre bandwagon, but that’s not to say that if the Vikings plane crashed and everybody survived but him, that it would have any negative emotional impact on me. I just wish he would stay retired for once. With a little luck Peyton is going to break all his records, but Interceptions anyways so why keep padding your stats.

Favre finished 13-18 for 142 yards with one TD. Nothing spectacular, but pretty solid for a guy about to turn 40 and in only one half. But I don’t see how a QB can’t have good game when you hand off to Adrian “Purple Jesus” Peterson. The guy had 11 carries for 117yds and 1TD, including a 75yd rumble down the field for TD on the first play of the game.

But the game was not without controversy though. continue

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Brett Favre, Matt Schaub, NFL, Purple Jesus, Vikings
Category Recap |