The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…yeah, it’s basically because I don’t care.
Good morning, kiddies! I only had time to cover 3 topics today, but these 3 topics are so near and dear. Sometimes just thinking about it I get a little misty, and a wave of longing and nostalgia comes over me…
NCAA Basketball: Fortunately I work all day so I didn’t have a chance to get sick of college basketball already like lots of other people did. I popped on Arkansas vs. Louisville for a while…That court is heinous. Between the giant Reese’s logos and the giant basketballs everywhere, I don’t know how people didn’t get dizzy and fall down more. Maybe it’s because they don’t need a helmet and water wings to navigate through everyday life like I do. Apparently Donny Osmond took time out of his busy Dancing With the Stars schedule to shoot free throws for Arkan…wait a minute…how was he in two places at once?! DWTS was on at the same time!
Those Mormons are slippery little suckers, aren’t they? Anyway, Louisville walloped Arkansas with lots of 3 pointers n’ stuff, ending the suffering at 96-66. Then it was onto Kansas vs. Memphis. My Jayhawks look GLOOOOOOOOORIOUS! Okay not really, but I love them so SHUSH. Dan Shulman quoted Bill Self as saying,
[he] is not quite ready to anoint his team as the best team in the country – very few coaches are at this point in the year…He thinks they need to be a lot better in March than they are now, if they’re going to contend for a national championship.”
Due to a rough-looking defense, Kansas eked out a win over Memphis at 57-55. As for ESPN’s dumb headline for the day we have: “No. 2 Spartans Escape Gonzaga’s Upset Bid.”
While I understand that being beat by an unranked team is an upset, isn’t it a little freaking early in the season to be so dramatic? They only have like…865 games left. Save it for March, will ya?
DWTS: So our remaining contestants are Mya, Kelly Osborne, Donny Osmond, and Joanna Krupa. The judges decided they wanted to see Mya & Dmitry do their salsa again, because the old perv in the pink tie really loves Mya’s juicy brown booty (or “tutti fruitti – what a booty”). It’s pretty tough to argue with the old coot, she’s got ass for days. They did some serious salsaing to “La Isla Bonita”. I’m pretty sure if Madonna tried to dance like this, one of her mummy limbs would break off in a cloud of dust and dung beetles. Joanna Krupa and her creepy Mardi Gras mask for a face got voted off. Boohoo.
NFL: In perhaps some of the biggest, yet least surprising NFL news, the Buffalo Bills kicked Dick Jauron to the curb. His season start is at 3-6, which isn’t even the worst record. So he’s kind of getting the poopy end of the stick. Bills owner Ralph Wilson had this to say,
I am announcing today that I am relieving Dick Jauron from his duties as our head coach, effective immediately. I have tremendous respect for Dick and thank him for all of his efforts during these past four years. While this was a very difficult decision, I felt that it is one that needed to be made at this time for the best interest of our team. We will now focus on moving forward and preparing for our game this week in Jacksonville.
Call me crazy, but upsetting the team in the middle of a season maybe isn’t quite the best way to move forward. Not to mention that they’re preparing for a game against a better Jacksonville (5-4). This probably could’ve been done at the end of the season. I mean…teams with worse records are: Cleveland (1-8), Oakland (2-7), Tennessee (3-6) – that’s just in their conference. So really it’s kind of like Buffalo is tied for 3rd worst in their conference. Of the 16 teams in the AFC, that makes them 13th best, and 13 just so happens to be my lucky number. So see, Bills fans? It’s not that bad. Buck up, buttercups!
I must get going on my work day now, because I only got in a half hour ago. I hope you all have a great day, though! xoxo
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