It’s a Pittsburgh Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand

Apparently furious with Ben Roethlisberger for snagging all the ugly chicks in Pennsylvania, Steelers head coach and Omar Epps look alike, Mike Tomlin, apparently decided to go out and one up his quarterback by getting wasted with a bunch of unattractive white girls himself. According to a probably unreliable source:

Long story short, a group of girls … were bragging how they partied with Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach, Mike Tomlin. They said he was nuts and got wasted. Here are the pictures to prove it.

Ha ha ha, of course he got wasted. Imagine how very little he had to work on these ladies? This looks like a night where you’d be filing your belly up with the ever-special rail drinks. And can we ask, what’s with the beret? And the Ecko wear? It’s almost enough to make me pleased that the Vikings kept Childress instead of Tomlin. Childress never wore something like that …

/cries.

//plans Childress assassination

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: Ben Roethlisberger, Jealousy is a bitch, Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Swag level is high, Ugly women, White girls
Category Entertainment, Rumor |

Ben Roethlisberger is so screwed.

Yesterday, Ben Roethlisberger was scolded by Roger Goodell for his 2 open court cases, both of which being of a “sexual assaulty nature” as my bro Chaz called it.  I think it’s not the fact that Goodell thinks Ben did it, but rather that one of the faces of the most popular franchises in the NFL keeps putting himself in situations that appear “rapey” according to Chaz. Some people are trying to give it the “If it looks like a duck” argument, only to be countered by the “I hope you held Michael Jackson to the same standard.” He’s dead, dontcha know? or the “It’s just civil court” argument which is then trumped by the “OJ lost in civil court” argument. So really the whole situation is at a deadlock and I don’t think the question is if Ben raped anyone, I think it’s more along the lines of: “Did Ben Rapethisberger rape the rapey grape rape of date rape?”

The End.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: Ben Roethlisberger
Category Better while Intoxicated, Bile |

How to write an entertaining blog post for The Gally Blog – By PJDiaries

Well, hello Saint Patrick’s Day. How nice of you to come around again and provide a reason for ginger haired Irish bastards to think that they’re more than smut and for giving a reason for everyone else in the world to drink unabashedly.  Today we’re not alcoholics, we’re just celebrating heritage!

It's funny because the cat is drinking beer!

Well not me, because I work all day and have school all night. And I’m not Irish either, because I’m mildly attractive, you see. But that doesn’t mean that I’m all business, oh no. Instead, I am willing to start a meme to keep everyone’s interest today for no other reason than because, if you’re stuck doing boring shit like I am today, than you may need to find an appropriate way to waste time. So here we go. I’m sure many of you have done this before, but what are some of the shortest books that could ever possibly be written? For example, “Respecting your wife and family” by Tiger Woods. Oh hey, a Tiger Woods joke, right after he announced that he’ll be returning to play the Masters! Hilarious! But you get the idea.

I’ll start us off with some probably not very funny examples, just to get the ball rolling for the real comedians around here to chime in. But if you’re around or lucky enough to not have to work today, join in on the fun. Here goes:

“Positive conflict resolution” by Ray Lewis

“Ho-hum: How to not become the greatest NCAA football coach in the history of the game”  by Tom Osborne

“Respecting the game” by Bryant McKinnie

“Consensual sex with an well known friend” by Ben Roethlisberger

More after the jump …

(more…)

Popularity: 6% [?]

Tags: Adrian Peterson, Ben Roethlisberger, Collaborative posting, Lists, Opposite day?, Self depricating humor, Tim Tebow, Tony Dungy
Category Holiday Fun |

You’re Fuckin’ Out

Tool? Yes. Rapist? Meh.

I know we are a couple days late on this but it needs to be posted. Someone needs to talk about how Sloth from the Goonies can’t stop sticking his ham-fists in the opposite sex’s axe-wounds. Ben Roethlisberger is going to (at least) be going through his second civil trial for sexual assault. I say it like that because NO ONE has come out with any significant information about this. Is it because his Jewish brethren control all the legal offices? It is, sn’t it? The Police in “Milledgeville” were supposed to comment today; according Christmas Ape’s twitter but they said nothing of importance and no serious interviews were conducted.

Today there was a press conference from the police department and apparently, Ben hired Ray Lewis’s old murder attorney….so you know this guy is legit. I would predict that if he gets Ben off the hook, look for Roman Polanski to take a trip to Disneyland in 2011. As for a choice of attorney, I guess since Gloria Allred won’t support a man that could rival her cock size, she’d be out. Johnny Cochran is dead, but if you could re-animate him and get that Chewbacca Defense (shitty video quality) you’d be golden. I don’t know if hiring an attorney famous for defending his client from murder was the smartest move. The guy that the kids from Duke Lacrosse hired was pretty effing good. So good, that the stripper who accused them, is currently in jail for arson! Wouldn’t that be nice, Bennie? Arson? You’d like that, huh?

Steelers fans keep getting mad about the whole “If it looks like a duck…” argument, but it is pretty crazy that he’ll have 2 civil suits against him for pretty much identical fratboyish crimes. That means that these girls are either lying, money-grubbing whores, or the DA is a BIG Steelers fan and won’t take the cases in criminal court. I’m curious on how it pans out because I would love to see Charlie Batch under center for the Steelers next year while Ben has to be chained in a cave like the ogre he is.

As for a new nickname? Jason Whitlock has been calling him “PacBen” because clearly, “Big Ben” doesn’t suffice anymore. I’m thinking of “Grabby Hands Ben”, yes…that’s becomes the acronym GHB, why do you ask?

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: Ben Roethlisberger, Hamhocks, Rapesticks
Category News |