So as Gally mentioned in Last Call, the unholy triumvirate hasn’t been posting as much and we know you are grief stricken. Or in Gimp’s case, he’s been searching all day on where to by balls because he still hasn’t eaten any Chicken Fat. During the holidays there has been a few headlines worth mentioning. I’m going to grab them all in one post to catch The Gally Logic Blog up to speed.
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As you know, I’ve been on a hiatus until I took the LSAT. I used this as a studying technique because I have no self-control and usually when on my computer, I’m drinking something I shouldn’t. A lot has happened in the sporting world during my break from blogging. For instance, a particular golfer got caught using all of my moves (ex: ambien sex, the line ” I will work you”). Not cool, Tiger. I almost had my sister say she slept with Tiger Woods because at this point, he doesn’t even know who he’s paying off. Plus, if he was chillen with Jeter….he probably de-pants’d thousands of women. Anywho, there also has been much more news. More relevant to Logic as well. So in order to address all of these headlines equally and offer my solutions, I decided it would be fitting to get into the Christmas Spirit by offering my List (sorry Jewish Readers).
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It’s another day, and there’s more things that you missed in the sporting world. Maybe you didn’t miss all of this stuff, but then maybe you should write this post. Any sports or games that are left out of this are due to a lack of me caring, or an attempt to randomly spite some of you.
NFL: The woman who has accused Big Ben of raping her, will drop her Civil lawsuit against him if he admits the rape and apologizes. I don’t know her true motivation on this, but I’ve never been raped before, let alone by a professional athlete. I suppose that she would be in for a book deal if he admitted guilt, but the optimist in me hopes that she’s just doing this to put it behind her.
MLB: The Brewers, trying to protect a 3-4 lead over the Cardinals, intentionally walked Albert Pujols to get to Matt Holliday. That apparently pissed Holliday off as he homered a 2-1 pitch for the tying and winning runs. Would they have not been better off to let Pujols hit a home run and then strike out Holliday? I guess I have so much to learn about baseball. The Cards are a league best 31-11 since aquiring Holliday.
Tigers Pitcher Fernando Rodney has been fined and banned 3 games for throwing a ball at the stands after a game last week. During the post-game celebration he threw it towards the stands and it landed in the press box, not hitting anybody. He claims he was just caught up in the moment and throwing a ball to the fans. The players union has not said whether it would appeal. This is the most bullshit penalty ever. I mean it’s not like he tossed a 90 something mph Rick Ankiel wildball into the crowd. He was giving a memento to the fans. Other sports applaud this, and here baseball who can’t even control the cheating masses is penalizing this. This is another reason why baseball wont even matter in 20 years. Get bent MLB.
NHL: Jim Balsille who’s pursuing the Phoenix Coyotes like Tommy Lee pursued Hepatitis and Cocaine during the last 20 years, is entering crazy/desperation mode. He has added a $50 million payoff to the City of Glendale if they sign off on him buying the Coyotes, before Sept 30 so he can move them back to Canada. Glendale is claiming that the loss of the Coyotes would cost the city $500 million as they planned on having the Coyotes for a full 30 years. Yeah right, a Hockey arena in the desert that is persistently half empty sounds like it’s worth a ton of money. Next you’ll tell me that if the WNBA folded cities everywhere would crying out for a financial handout to cover their losses.
CFB: Oh god no. Please say it aint so. Notre Dame will be without their starting Fullback James Aldrige for their game this weekend against Michigan. How ever will they survive, oh you mean one of the RB’s who doesn’t get any carries will fill in for him. Okay, it’s all good. But wait, Aldrige is also their starting kick returner. I’ll give you a second to take that in……..Yeah the kick returner is also the fullback. The fullback is supposed to be a big powerful guy, not a speedy elusive guy like the kick returner. Way to go Coach Weis. Epic coaching fail.
ATP: Sigh. ATP CEO Adam Helfant likes how tennis is going. You could even say he’s excited about it. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have big plans for it. Starting next year, he wants to have a Tennis All Star showcase. Events such as serving speed, or chasing down drop shots could be featured. Are you excited yet? Yeah, me neither. Maybe a women’s tennis bikini showdown, but that’s because I’m a mildly chauvinistic asshole. Helfant has an Engineering degree from MIT and a Harvard Law degree. He worked for the NHL and then in marketing for Nike, helping to sign Sharapova and Federer. Sounds like he’s both over and under qualified. Kind of like me. I’m over qualified at drinking and making fart jokes, and severely under qualified as a writer.
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Hey what’s up Gallions? Shout out to my night owls that check this shit on the reg. I just got back from the airport like 2 hours ago. And after 72 hours of drinking I think my trachea is tired. I should have looked into a alcoholic enema or something.
As I’m catching up around here, it looks like Gally and Gimp held down the fort perfectly. Even threw in a few rape/abortion jokes to make up for the loss of me. We have to make our quota!
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