The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a recap of the previous days sporting events. Certain teams and events are left out due to an extreme lack of caring and hangovers. Mostly the hangovers.

NFL: So Josh McDaniels is a super duper genius. He’s so good that he’s amicably splitting up with DC Mike Nolan, and leaving the team with it’s soon to be 5th defensive coordinator in 6 years. Nolan, in saying fuck you buddy, is coming to terms with the Miami Dolphins as their DC. San Diego fans get to look forward to three more years of this.

What? I'm beautiful, I can make fun of him.

They just signed the overachieving Turner to a 3 year extension on his contract. I guess things are looking good for KC and Oak in that division.

NBA: Oh hay, its getting to be that point of the year where strippers be running for their lives. It’s almost time for the NBA All-Star Game. The big news is that LeBron James is bailing on the event even though he stated last year that he’d do it this year. In much smaller news, wait for it… Nate Robinson is back to try and repeat as champ.
I call it a small deal, because Nate is only 5’9″. You get it? He’s small. I’m so clever. In a game that sounds like it may have been interesting, Chicago got walloped by the Golden State Warriors 114-97. It was quite the team effort as the team was lead by everyone apparently. Monta Ellis had 36 points, Corey Maggette had 32 points and Andris Biedrins had an impressive 19 points. Chicago, meanwhile, just laid down and took it like Bree Olson. The Memphis Grizzlies beat the Phoenix Suns 125-188 at home last night. Rudy Gay [edit tee hee (more…)

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Tags: Blake Lively, david beckham, LeBron James, Nate Robinson, Rapage, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, West Ham
Category Morning After Pill |

The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition.

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of yesterday’s sporting events.  Except lately it hasn’t been daily.  It’s only happened on my days.  Which means it’s been Monday/Wednesday-y.  So anyway.  Recaps t’is!

Good morning, kiddies!  It’s that time of the week again.  Except I’m a little late today, so it’s a good thing there’s a pill for that.  Shall we?

Amerikanische Fußball: The Vikings destroyed Seattle.  Destroyed = 35 teh’ 9.  D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D.  So much so that they didn’t even need Favre after the 3rd quarter.  Even T-Jack threw a touchdown.  What do Percy Harvin, Visanthe Shiancoe, Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice (x2) all have in common?  Other than being black, or playing for the Vikings at Mall of America Field vs. the pitiful Seattle Seahawks?  Give up?  They all scored touchdowns yesterday.  Noticeably absent from that list? Adrian Peterson.  Regardless, AP still surpassed 1,000 rushing yards yesterday, going three seasons strong.  And for all you Favrehards, it should be noted that he was at 88% yesterday – which I have to admit is quite stellar.  Fine.  I said it.  Seattle should probably stick to what it does best: acoustic guitar sets and Starbucks.  But the biggest news to come out of yesterday’s games, is the defeat of Pittsburgh by…wait for it…KANSAS CITY! Kansas City?  Yup.  I didn’t get to see any of this game, because I was busy being at an awesome one (the Vikings), but my analysis of the Box Score tells me the following: In Total Plays, Total Yards, and Possession, the Steel’ were twice as  good as KC.  However, they had twice as many penalties and 2 INTs to KC’s aught.  It also doesn’t help that The Rapistberger got his dome rocked and they had to put John Legend in to replace him.  So really, it’s all that guy’s fault and everyone should go egg his house.

NBA: So my Celts eked one out past the Knicks last night.  What?  The Knicks are the opposite of good.  And it went into OT!  The Celts were forced to rely on Paul Pierce the entire game, who scored a season-high 33 points.  For some reason (probably because they miss me so much), everyone else was having an off night.  KG was only 4 for 15 of FGs made/attempted, and Ray Allen was only 3 for 13; though Allen also put up 1 3-pointer (of 6 attempted, and 6 of 6 free throws.  Pierce was 9 for 17 in FGs, 6 for 7 in 3 pointers, and 9 for 10 in FTs.  Sheed, on the other hand, did absolutely nothing.  Except probably scare the piss out of people and pick imaginary bugs off himself.  I’m pretty sure he was only brought on for intimidation factor.  I’m going to start putting together my dream team, and it will most definitely include Ron Artest and Sheed.  Anyway, through some great strategizing by Pierce in OT, he was able to draw all the attention to himself and quickly lob the ball over to a wide-open KG who is so clutch he made the game winning shot.  See, kiddies?  Even if you’re having a tough day, just keep at it and you will succeed.  If you can dream it, you can be it!  There were a bunch of other games yesterday (Orlando v. Toronto, Indiana v. Charlotte, New Orleans v. Miami, Detroit v. Phoenix, and OK City v. Lakers), but they were all lopsided which = BO-RING.  It also means I don’t feel like recapping them right now, because I didn’t start working on this til this morning.

Fußball: I know nothing about Soccer other than David Beckham looks like this:

But I did also learn that the LA Galaxy fell to Real Salt Lake in the MLS Cup.  I also learned that it’s all Landon Donovan’s fault, because he’s a chump.  Donovan (who would be a lot cooler if he was this Donovan), completely blew a penalty kick.  Then Real from Mormon Country got totally pumped up and some guy named Robbie Russell (cool alliteration!) got the game-winning penalty shot, of which Donovan was probably the offender.  Because I said so.  If you’d like to read some more in-depth discussion from the world of the ball with all the little pentagons all over it, Avoiding the Drop can satiate your every desire.  A big HOLLA! goes out to @2Yellows over on twit.  :)

Happy Monday – if you’re on the East Coast your day is almost halfway over!  If you’re on the Dub-Cee, well…get your coffee brewing.

xoxo!

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Avoiding the Drop, Bernard Berrian, Boston Celtics, david beckham, Kansas City Chiefs, Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Vikings, MLS Cup, NBA, New York Knicks, NFL, Paul Pierce, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Ray Allen, Seattle Seahawks, Sheed, Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe
Category Morning After Pill |

The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition.

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness.  Mostly lack of caring, though.  And my tendency to be bitter about things that don’t go my way.

NFL: The Vikings were on bye this weekend, so I know everyone was super bored and not really interested in any of the games that were on.  That is, unless you have Greg Olsen on your fantasy team.  I do not, but my opponent this week does.  Do you know what that means?  It means Greg Olsen has singled-handedly almost ruined my life this week.  Do you know why?  Because Greg Olsen, the TE from Chicago, scored all 3 of Chicago’s touchdowns yesterday with a total of 5 receptions for 71 yards.  Fortunately, they still got stomped by the Cards.  Which, by the way, how the hell did that happen?  Kurt Warner did a total 180 in a week.  He threw for 5 TOUCHDOWNS.  FIVE.  Two of which were to my boy Fitz (What-What!).  Whodathunkit?  Anyway, in another miraculous win we had Tampa Bay – rockin’ those sweet unis.

The hotness.

Seriously, those things are dope.  Much better than the heinous ones Denver’s been donning.  In the Battle of the Bays, Tampa put up 38 to Green’s 28.  Green Bay should be embarrassed.  Rodgers got sacked 6 times and threw 3 interceptions, one of which was returned for a TD.  Say “good bye” to the post season, Green Bay!!!  So, Sunday Night Football happened.  Which also means Bob Costas happened.  Are you kidding me?  The guy must’ve attended an asshole convention last week, cuz he would not quit with the dickish questions.  That’s right, viewers want to watch/listen to you harp on Romo’s “jaunty cap” for 45 minutes, Bob.  Shut up with your mountain lion-looking self, seriously.  Whatever.  Philly lost to Romo’s “devil-may-care” chapeau, 20-16.  The game wasn’t really that great.  If you read that article I linked to, they spend a good portion of it talking about last season.  Most likely because there was nothing but loads of idiot coming from the Philadelphia sideline as Andy Reid’s Childress Face was showing.  #1: Good job on that ridiculous challenge, buddy.  You screwed your team out of time outs for the entire 4th quarter.  #2: The score is 20-13, and because you’re clearly a math major, you settle for a field goal.  Remember a few minutes before that when you wasted a challenge, thus depleting your team’s TOs?  Yeah, see you completely set yourself up for the failure you deserved.  That is all.

NBA: There were some basketball games yesterday.  I kind of feel bad for the NBA on Sundays, because until February, no one cares.  There was only one game that appeared to be even remotely competitive: Philadelphia 76ers vs. Detroit Pistons.  Guess what?  Philly lost.  Geez, just a bunch of losers over there in Philly!  This season marks the return of Ben Wallace to the Pistons as the big brother mentor-type to Kwame Brown, Jason Maxiell and Chris Wilcox.  Apparently he was showing them how it’s done, because he was the team leader in 3 of 5 categories: Rebounds (16), Steals (3), and Blocks (3).  He put up 2 points…yay?  Boohoo, there’s no one on the 6ers that I care about so I’m not going to talk about it.  The Wolves lost again, and their record now sits at 1-6.  The ESPN recap (here) cites Blazers Coach Nate McMillan’s fantastical experiment to start 3 guards as ahem blazing the trail to victory.  False.  The Wolves are terrible.  Their record says so.  I really, really, really want them to be good.  So, boys, I’m pleading with you: STEP IT THE F UP!  Good lord.

Soccer (as we yanks call it): The only thing I’m even mildly interested in is that David Beckham has pulled out (heh heh) of the England squad for its match vs. Brasil on Saturday.  Apparently, he helped lead the LA Galaxy to a semi-final win over Chivas USA, and they are now headed to the finals against Houston Dynamo on Friday.  Beckham is a bit of a soccer slut, as he’s played for Manchester United and Real Madrid, as well as on loan to Milano and Preston North End.  But, I mean…he looks like this:

yummers.

So he can be slutty with me if he wants.   I wouldn’t mind, I guess.  Also, yay America!!  Viva Los Angeles!

I hope you all have a great Monday!  If there’s anything I can do to make it special, just let me know.  For instance, if you’d like a mustache ride from Gally; or if you need to take your frustrations out on someone, gimp knows how to take a beating.  Or!  If you’d simply like to tickle each other and talk about boys, I’m game for that.

GO PAPER CHAMPIONS!!!

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Tags: Andy Reid is embarrassing, Andy Reid sucks, Arizona Cardinals, Bob Costas is a jerkoff, Chicago Bears, Dallas Cowboys, david beckham, Detroit Pistons, Green Bay Packers, Greg Olsen, Greg Olsen killed me in fantasy football, Kurt Warner, LA Galaxy, Larry Fitzgerald, Minnesota Timberwolves, NBA, Philadelphia 76ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Portland TrailBlazers, tampa bay buccaneers, Tony Romo's hat
Category Morning After Pill |