Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Thursday February 9th 2012

Posts Tagged ‘Figure Skating’

Figure Skating. Just. Got. Awesome!

Actual photo of me in thinking mode.  I should probably shave more.

Have you ever been sitting there thinking, “man I really want to like figure skating. It’s just missing something”? Have you ever been thinking about this while sitting near a 80′s van?

Fuck Yeah!

Did that van cause you to think about dragons and swords and metal? Well, if so than you probably thought figure skating, in its improved state, would look a little something like this: continue for video

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Why My Olympic Figure Skating Boner Is Legit Business


Unlike the rest of the world, I never really get all that aroused by the entire Olympic games. What, we need to have some queens ski down a hill in order to determine national supremecy? I mean, I get the appeal. Fighting for worldwide recognition is pretty sweet (and sticking it to those damn Ruskies is always a good time) but I just don’t know if those national bragging rights still exist in today’s global climate, especially when there’s no Cold Wars, and the entire world is way more jacked for World Cup soccer. That, and like any other asshole American, if it’s not football I don’t really care.

Unless it’s figuring skating. Because once those blades hit the Olympic ice, there aren’t enough ice cubes in my freezer to keep my boner contained.

I can’t explain this romance I have for Olympic figure skating, and really, it’s ONLY Olympic figure skating. What draws me to it are the same things that draw people to any other Olympic sport. Those reasons range from the potential of someone falling and ruining their life long dreams to the tight fitting outifts that are worn by the (probably) 14 year old Chinese girls. RAWR! But you can find that type of appeal in downhill skiing, gymnastics, swimming, and any other number of random Olympic games. Yet for some reason, figuring skating holds my interest more than any of these, HANDS DOWN. (more…)

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Battle of The Blades: Those Crazy Canadians

Jamie SaleBob Probert
Now I know you all think that us Canadians are a kooky lot. We run around on ice with sticks and fight each other in a sport that some of you may know as Hockey. Our football is played with a bigger ball on a bigger field, but we only get three downs. Our beer is far greater than yours, though we pay an arm and a leg for it. The thing that we fail at the hardest though is entertainment.

Our movie industry is you folks filming movies in Vancouver and calling it New York. Our comedians are good, as we’ve produced Jim Carrey, John Candy, Mike Myers, Russell Peters and many more. Our TV is horrendous though. Sure we had The Kids In The Hall and Corner Gas, but it runs thin after that. You can even blame the aborted fetus that SNL is on us. We never had a lot in the way of reality shows though.

With that in mind our national television station, The CBC has created a reality show called Battle of the Blades. continue

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