The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous days sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness.
The World Series is set as the Yankees finished off the Angels last night 5-2. Which gave Logic a reason to pull the gun out of his mouth, just long enough before placing it back in after the Giants lost. I would post more stats, and talk about the game itself, but that would involve too much caring.
"These are tears of joy you fucking fuck!" - Baby Logic
NFL
The NFL continued their expansion into the UK as the Buc took on the Patriots. Sucks to be the Bucs, as they lost 35-7. Embarrassing, losing 35-7 at home. More embarrassing, having to travel 1,000+ miles to get beat 35-7.
Jay Cutler showed off why signing him to $30+ million contract extension was totally worth it as he threw 3 interceptions in a 10-45 loss to the Bengals. Cedric Benson got his revenge against his former team and Matt Forte continues to make Fantasy Football owners kick themselves in the ass with his lofty 24 yards of rushing.
Brett Favre and the Vikings took their first loss of the season yesterday afternoon after losing to the Steelers 27-17. With a minute or so remaining in the game Favre threw a costly interception that was returned for 6. Well okay, it wasn’t really his fault, stupid Chester Taylor should have pulled it down, but instead popped it up into the air for an easy interception. An interception than not only put the game out of reach, but fucked my parlay bet of the Vikings +6. His fault or not I still have to blame this one on Favre.
The Saints trailed at halftime 10-24 to the Miami Parrtoheads Dolphins. However, the 2nd half was a totally different story as they came back to win 46-34. The Saints are either that good or the Dolphins are just good at blowing a 21 points lead. Probably a combination of the two. Those looking for a blueprint on how to blow a 21 point lead can use this game’s tape to formulate that sort of game plan. Saints, still undefeated. Dolphins, 2-4. Ted Ginn Jr., couldn’t catch a pass if his life depended on it. I mean, seriously they could make a Saw movie with him in it and make his life or death challenge catching footballs. He’d be dead in a matter of seconds.
Of course there were other games, but I am far too lazy to list them all. If you really want detailed analysis go read ESPN’s website or a newspaper.
This is my weekly section where I will bring you topics from the sporting world (obscure or otherwise) that “I Don’t Get”. I’ll either discover the legitimacy of something thought absurd, or further exploit the sheer stupidity of it all. This week I bring you…
The Favre Delusion
There’s no disputing that Brett Favre (or Uncle Rico, as I call him) is a Hall of Fame Quarterback. He has had an astounding career, that even the most die-hard rivals can’t argue against. But now, the guy is older than dirt and has retired and un-retired like 85 times. While I commend his…ahem dedication to the game [READ: MASSIVE EGO], I absolutely refuse to attribute any early and future successes of the Minnesota Vikings solely to Mr. Favre as the dick-sucking national media are wont to do.
Looking at the September 27th game versus the San Francisco 49ers, Favre didn’t have as much to do with the big, spectacular W that everyone wants to give him credit for.
Percy Harvin had the spectacular 101-yard kick return for a touchdown in the 3rd quarter (truly amazing to witness, might I add. The crowd went insane!). I don’t know if anyone saw, but man can that kid book. It was probably hard to pay attention with all of the sucking noises coming from the press box, though.
They’ve got Purple Jesus who is a freak of nature (more…)
It was a beautiful south Florida evening. And by beautiful I mean it wasn’t raining, and my balls didn’t start sticking to the inside of my thigh within 10 seconds of getting out of my car. It was roughly 5:30 pm, a little over 3 hours until kick off. The guy parked across the row from us in the Boston College jersey had the beer pong going in full effect.
Why someone would wear a Boston College jersey to a Dolphins/Colts game is beyond me? So is why some asshats would wear a Giants, Jaguars, and Ravens jersey, but I digress.
Week 3 of the college football season has wrapped, which means the week 4 (?) AP poll is out. It was definitely an interesting weekend of college football, as we saw several upsets. Before we get to my “expert” analysis, let’s play a quick game of FMK. Leave your choices in the comment section, and in case you’re unsure of what FMK is click here (definition #2).
It took 7 months to get here folks, but the NFL season is in full effect. This is the time of year when your weekends become even more devoid of productivity and you focus on the finer things in life. Like refining your liver’s ability to metabolize alcohol as well as fine tuning your shit talking skills.
If you’re fortunate to have what is commonly known as a “man cave” then I am quite envious of you good sir. For the man cave serves as man’s inner sanctum for sports, and more importantly football. It is in this cave of man where words like “responsibility,” “work,” or “you’ve had too much” are never to be uttered.
Unfortunately, not all men are lucky enough to have a man cave. Instead we are relocated to our living room couches where wives, girlfriends, significant others, or in Gally’s case boyfriend (just kidding) have no problem bringing up the outside realities that us men put off until the early, hungover, abyss known as Monday morning.
Men, this is our time. For the next 22 weeks it’s about men and their balls. Big, brown, oblong balls. And if your old lady can’t get behind that, then you should highly reconsider moving on to the next step. In the case you already made it to the next step, there’s no problem with bailing. Kids? Mortgage? Responsibility? Pssh, nothing that a quick move and a new identity can’t fix.
Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.
That’s right everybody. It’s the return of the NFL tonight. And the start of week two in College Football. Whist you’re waiting, peruse the latest and greatest that the Internet has to offer. If you have something to say to us, our contact information is on the top right and we reply to every comment that we can.
Musical Interlude:
The Links: Sports Pickle: DJ Gallo has new pictures of Big Ben’s accuser. Deadspin: The return of the Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Two words. Fuck and Yes! KSK: Another edition of the Sex and Football mailbag. This weeks advice by Captain Caveman. Lowposts: Nappy Brown’s football prognostications. NY Mag: Albert Haynesworth tries to get into Brandon Jacobs head. The Phoenix Pub: First Derivative breaks down Hockey’s place in the sports world. The Layoff Beard: Sussman announces his assumed retirement from Fantasy Football. It’s a sad day indeed. EDSBS: You aint gangsta unless you have a cello bitch. The Fightins: Tough times to be a Nationals Fan. via @cmottram The Big Lead: A Michigan-Notre Dame preview. Sort of.
The 7 months of meaningless sports comes to an end tonight as the NFL makes its return tonight with a battle between the defending Super Bowl champion, Pittsburgh Steelers and the Tennessee Titans. The anticipation is unbelievable and I can truly say that without an intonation of sarcasm or a wanking motion. This level of excitement ranks somewhere up there with the feelings one experiences on their wedding day and the day their first child is born, if not above and beyond those events.
As we count down the hours, minutes, and seconds to tonight’s match-up I can honestly say I’m like an ADD riddled 7-year-old on Christmas Eve. You don’t know exactly what to expect, but you know it’s going to be good, just so long as it’s not socks or your father passed out beneath the tree. And just like the over-anxious child, who shakes the presents to figure out what they are, I will do my best to give a little shakey shakey for the match-ups of week 1,
Time for a football post. Well Soccer to be precise to all the non-existent North American readers. But I had you going didn’t I. Hey come back, I’ve got candy…beer maybe… Well anyways, Remi Gaillard, a noted French comedian/prankster/troublemaker, released his newest video this weekend. Normally he’s doing things like sneaking into team championship pictures/meeting the French President, or dressing up as Pac-Man and running amuck in a department store. Yeah,he’s kind of like the French version of Jackass, only without the horse semen and anal sex. That was in the last one wasn’t it?
The video is him performing various trick shots with a soccer ball throughout a city. It’s pretty impressive, even for a Frenchman.
