Author: Nonpopulist Published: November 30th, 2010
One of the biggest stories from the NFL weekend was the fight between Tennessee Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan and Houston Texans wide receiver Andre Johnson. I can objectively say it was one of the best NFL fights in recent memory, and the camera didn’t cut away like it normally does and get a shot of an assistant coach picking his nose on the sideline instead of showing us the throwdown. Check it out below:
Andre Johnson wins the matchup by unanimous decision. Both Johnson and Finnegan have subsequently been fined $25,000 by the league. Many think the league should have fined Finnegan more or even suspended him since he has been fined repeatedly for aggressive play this season. Others have said Johnson should have been fined more or suspended because he actually threw and landed punches during the fight. The league had their reasons to hand down the punishment they did and can not be questioned because the commissioner’s office has shown they reign over the NFL with an iron fist and can change whatever they want during the season to the point where they changed being able to change rules during the season. The National Football League has said publicly before they wouldn’t do that. That changed when they decided they wanted to do it this year.
The problem I see with the situation is not necessarily the fines, but the bull shit moralizing that has been thrown Finnegan’s and the Titans’ way. This season is not the first in which the Tennessee Titans have been called dirty. The chatter has been more frequent and intense this year with everyone from Kyle Orton to Rodney Harrison crying pussy tears about the mean old Titans. I’m telling the media on you. Wah.
Yes, the Titans bait people into committing penalties out of frustration (i.e. the New York Giants game this season) to gain an edge. If that’s dirty then every NFL team is dirty and not just this season. Baiting teams psychologically to gain an edge is something that exists in sport, but just because the Titans are the freaking best at it people want throw up their arms and flail around, cry, and run to tug on daddy’s pant leg. Buck the fuck up you blithering babies. But the players and teams aren’t even who anger me the most. The media and people who think they are media online who are so ready to jump on people and float any opinion or theory they fart out of their ass are the ones who fill me with rage. I don’t mind jokes or people raising questions about the play in a reasonable manner, but I saw a few people who wanted to make it some sort of moral issue. Check yourselves, idiots. One person even called Cortland Finnegan a “soulless prick” and “just the kind of guy Jeff Fisher would like to coach.” That’s a bit over doing it in your attempt to make your bold statement that you feel will resonate authoritatively throughout the interwebz, douche juice. Many people said things along the line of Finnegan “got what he deserved.” I’ve got news for everyone. The golden thrones you sit upon from which you dole out your righteous internet justice are made of pee-soaked urinal cakes.
The person who drew most of my rage Sunday evening was Rodney Harrison. On Football Night in America he took another opportunity to pile on the Titans much like he did during his playing days. He’s called Tennessee dirty more than a few times now and frankly I am getting sick of him not knowing what the definition of the word hypocrite is. I saw many Patriot games when Harrison was playing and always marveled at how many times he dove into piles after the whistle helmet-first. He was one of the dirtiest players in the league during his playing days, but somehow he has forgotten this. The reason he always picks on the Titans is because that was the team he was playing against in the game where his MCL, PCL, and ACL were destroyed. He feels indignant toward the Titans and has held onto it for years feeling he was wronged. What he doesn’t remember is he made his own dirty plays during that game doing his usual diving into piles and even hitting the quarterback late and high in the game. Does anyone know if he had any concussions during his playing days? Is that contributing to his memory loss?
Parting thought: for those who think the Titans are dirty you are the fans for whom Roger Goodell is turning the NFL into a pussy league.
Author: Nonpopulist Published: September 2nd, 2010
The 2010-2011 NFL season is so close, bitches. NFL fever is heating up like a rapist’s breath on your neck. As the cheesy-ass NFL Network ad reminds us everyone has high hopes for now. Every NFL team is 0-0 with a chance of winning it all, or so you think. I have some bad news for you all. Your team is going to suck this year. There’s only one team that wins the Super Bowl every year. Everyone else just sucks. Some NFL team fan bases already know their favorite team is going to suck. They tune in to see how their team will suck specifically this season, though. I will be sharing my insights as to why your team is likely to suck on a division-by-division basis. First up, the AFC South.
The Colts had a good season last year. Peyton Manning rallied a young group of rag tag players and went to the Super Bowl but eventually lost to the seemingly predestined New Orleans Saints. Nevermind the reason he has to carry a young rag tag group is because of his exorbitant salary which will soon go up whenever the Colts put together a new deal for him. Manning has one year left on his deal, however, and with negotiations on a new collective bargaining agreement between the NFLPA and NFL owners not moving along at a promising pace Manning may not get another deal before a new CBA is in place. Manning also had surgery in the offseason because his Herman Munster-like neck started to fall apart. Have you never noticed how Peyton looks like Herman Munster’s bastard child? Well now you see it, don’t you? Here is a stat since most of these posts will be pure conjecture. Of the last 11 teams to lose a Super Bowl, eight came back the following year and missed the playoffs. *Sad trombone* Prediction: 9-7
Why the Tennessee Titans will suck this year:
Image via me. I like Nate Washington, though. I bought his Titans’ jersey t-shirt.
This will be simple for me since I am a fan of this team. #1- VINCE YOUNG. Vince has looked good this preseason. This is a smoke screen. Vince completing passes this season is all a ruse so that his subsequent fall will look that much more spectacular. He still does not know how to throw a football. VY cannot put touch on a screen pass either. He throws a screen pass and the running has to duck. If the playbook were anymore dumbed down for Vince he would get everyone in the huddle and say, “Everyone go long.” For running plays he would say, “Snap it to me and I’ll sneak it.”
#2- Chris Johnson- CJ2K’s performance last season was one of the few bright spots the Titans had. 2,000 yards rushing? That is a reason to celebrate, and celebrate Johnson did. The offseason was filled with tweets about “going in” and his “wrist game” being “gone.” I consulted a black person about what some of Johnson had been tweeting meant. After paying what he said was a standard “reparations fee” he explained what some of CJ’s tweets mean. I was way off! I finally had to unfollow Chris Johnson on twitter because it was becoming mostly gibberish. The problem with all of Johnson’s celebrating is I think he forgot to train and stay in shape this offseason. He did not go to one workout at the team facility. I have a sinking feeling he’s going to get injured early on this season. That’s why I have been drafting Javon Ringer late in many fantasy drafts. He’s Chris Johnson’s backup. Without Johnson this is team is crappy. I didn’t even get to the defense. Prediction: 7-9
Why the Houston Texans will suck this year:
The Texans have some good to great offensive players. Matt Schaub is a solid quarterback, and Andre Johnson is arguably the best wide receiver in the game of football. The hype has been hot around this team for a couple of years. Many NFL analysts think this is the year Head Coach Gary Kubiak puts the pieces together and the Texans make the playoffs. Not bloody likely. Schaub and Andre Johnson are injury prone. Owen Daniels, the Texans’ #1 tight end, is still recovering from knee surgery although he is expected to play. The team is relying on a rookie, Arian Foster, to run the football after another rookie they were counting on, Ben Tate, was placed on IR and their other running back, Steve Slaton, can’t get over a chronic case of fumblitis. Yeh, this is the year I see them going to playoffs. Prediciton: 6-10
Why the Jacksonville Jaguars will suck this year:
Come on, they’re the Jaguars. That’s all they know how to do- suck. But seriously, can everyone quit acting like there is some big ticket push the team is committed to? The owner Wayne Weaver and the head coach, Jack Del Rio, have an understanding. This team will be moved to Los Angeles as soon as there is a stadium built for them. Don’t you find it odd that Del Rio has been on the hot seat for about 3 years and not fired yet? There have been about 10,000 seats covered up at the Jaguars stadium for at least 4 years. Del Rio is dogging it, playing possum, whatever you want to call it. The understanding is once the team is able to move to L.A. they will realign the AFC and be able to win the division out west. I predict the AFC South and AFC West will just swap the Kansas City Chiefs and Jacksonville Jaguars. For now the Jaguars are awful, and above is the only logical explanation I can think of for their recent failures. Predicition: 2-14
As most of the NFL-aware public knows by now Brian Cushing, linebacker for the Houston Texans and winner of Defensive Rookie of the Year last year, tested positive for a banned substance last September and will be suspended for the first four games of the coming NFL season. After much cajoling reports have surfaced the substance for which he tested positive is none other than hCG. You may remember hCG from other stories such as Jose Canseco getting caught trying to cross the Mexican border into the United States with the substance back in 2008 and that being the substance that got Manny Ramirez suspended for 50 games in the 2009 MLB season. hCG is a masking agent (should that “h” be capitalized?) that is used to basically reboot your balls after a steroid cycle. The substance reportedly restores testicular size and restores normality to the testosterone production levels in the body. Something new that has been reported by Profootballtalk and others is that the substance is naturally occurring in the body and can be at an elevated level shortly after ejaculation. So let’s play that scenario out. Cushing is minding his own business, getting head at the club, finishes with the fine young lady or himself or however he gets down. Then he gets a call from an NFL drug test person that he needs to pee in a cup posthaste. He does the test, all the while thinking he’s clean. Little did he know… So are we now going to see an outbreak of abstinence in the NFL after the fact that ejaculating could possibly cause a positive drug test? But who will rape our women and young children then? Who?(more…)
Everything in Texas is bigger. The cars, the food, the people. It’s practically un-American to have something bigger than it’s likeness in Texas. Why do you think Jerry Jones built him the biggest and bestest of all the stadiums in the land? Well, that has more to do with him being a giant egotistical fuckwad but the point remains. Everything is bigger in Texas. Everything.
Fans of the Houston Texans will disagree with that statement. This year when the Team’s fans showed up to Reliant Stadium for pre-season games, the beer had gotten smaller. Yeah, you read that right, smaller. Last year when fans ordered one of the $7.75 beers, they received 24oz of draught beer. My math skills might not be the greatest this early in the morning, but to a Canadian, that doesn’t sound that bad. After all it’s two regulation can’s of beer for $7.75. At a bar here in Canada, that would cost me probably about $11, barring a sale and assuming domestic beer. That’s with our Canadian dollar buying much less as well.
This year though, the draught beers have been reduced to a measly 20oz for their $7.75. Those bastards. continue
