While I may simply be rehashing Purple Jesus Diaries stuff, I am doing so for a reason, that being because the people that read The Gally Blog – like yourself! – are way fucking funnier than those who read my site. So I’m counting on you, assholes! – PJD
Brett Favre is old. Really old. I mean, Brett Favre is so old, only the Nile River remembers his 20th birthday! :drumroll: … He’s also rickety, and when you put old and rickety together that’s not usually a very good combination. You usually end up with things like foreclosed homes, the Parthenon, or Sharon Stone’s vagina. BOOM ROASTED. Or you end up with things like Brett Favre’s ankle which, apparently after only two preseason games and a total of, what, 10 series, is already an issue for Favre. In the lofty writer Peter King’s most recent Monday Morning Quarterback column, he writes:
After his so-so eight series Saturday night on the hard floor of Mall of America Field …, Favre went into the trainers’ room in the Vikes’ locker room and got an injection of lubricant in the left ankle that has three times been operated on to remove loose bodies. “Like a grease fitting,” he said.
Noted orthopedist Dr. James Andrews did the most recent surgery May 22, with an interested party in the operating theater: Deanna Favre. “They took out a cup full of stuff — bone and all these other loose bodies,” Brett Favre said Saturday night.
A cup full of stuff. Re-read that and consider taking a cup full of stuff out of any place on your own body, let alone your ankle. That’s fucking sick. But that’s not all. Do you want to know what was in that cup that was full of random items from Brett Favre’s ankle? Of course you do. More details then after the jump …
It seems like ages ago now that Brett Favre bruised his hamstring and ankle up in an epic NFC Championship game in New Orleans. Yet news from that fateful post game locker room chatter has started to leak out into the public’s consciousness recently. Renowned, most lofty, old pastry smelling NFL writer over at SI.com, Peter King, wrote in his Monday Morning Quarterback column this week that an unnamed player told Peter that Brett Favre muttered these words to him soon after the game:
“I’m 100 percent positive I’ll never put on pads again in my life.”
Could those words have been said in the heat of the moment? Is Favre really not coming back to the Vikings? And who could have possible said such a thing to Brett? Amazingly, PJD was able to track down the anonymous player through our amazing and truly reliable sources and we’ve obtained an EXCLUSIVE interview with him, after the jump of course …
Everyone’s favorite jean wearing, gun slinging, attention whoring, retired then unretired then retired again quarterback Brett Favre has signed with the Minnesota Vikings. It’s actually not that big of shock if you looked for all the telltale signs. Mainly the one a few weeks ago where Favre said he was going to stay retired. Obvious lie.
We’ve made it through the brunt of the Favre unretirement storm, but we still have the whole rest of the season to look forward to. Where reporters, announcers, and analysts will undoubtedly speculate on a weekly basis about whether this will be Favre’s last season or not. Followed by everyone’s favorite off-season game of “Will he or won’t he.” Where we’ll be subjected to video footage of Favre throwing with the local Mississippi high schools on ESPN’s Favre Watch.
My guess is that Favre was jealous by all the press that Michael Vick’s return had garnered by the media. I mean, come on Vick was on 60 Minutes the other night. That must have eaten away at Favre knowing that someone else was stealing the media spotlight. It must have been at that very moment when Favre decided that he couldn’t just wait until next year to get some media loving. He had to do something decisive before becoming indecisive about his future. The only logical solution was to come back and play football.
That’s what most self-absorbed, attention seeking people do. It’s what they call in the field of psychology as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s a pathology, people. He can’t help himself.
Now that the Favre retirement saga has come to a temporary resolution can we get on with the preseason, please. It’s shortly followed by the regular season which means it’s just about time for the start of my incessant gambling, drinking, and constant yelling at the television set that my wife has resistantly grown accustomed to between the months of August and February…Oh yeah and fuck Brett Favre for ruining my off-season.
