Author: Logic Published: January 27th, 2010
Welcome, Night Owls and Logicians. I spent my day yelling at people who tweet about their cats (with BrandonROTU and PUNTE) and making fun of people to their faces at the mall. What did you do?! Well, I’ve decided that since nothing can measure up to the Greg Oden post (Ed. Note: between his legs! Am I right?), I’m going to throw in a quick news dump of important stuff going on:
- The first Mock Draft for the NFL is up! This is something that I cover just as closely as I cover fantasy football. I may be wrong about who goes where, but face it. McShay and Kiper are just as wrong and even bigger douches. I might give you some nice analysis, but it’s guaranteed I will give you false hope about your teams’ first round move! Just chalk it up right now that I think undersized, speedy backs like Leon Washington will go much earlier than normal. Lookin’ at you CJ Spiller. Other notes: Clausen 4th over all to Washington and Tebow falls into the second round to Denver. Just something to prepare for because I will drop 2000 words on a Mock Draft.
- Paul Shirley was an ex-NBa’er of some sorts. That’s way too much punctuation to describe someone in the NBA, but whatever. I’m over it. I guess this guy was a former player and now, due tot he writer, former freelance writer for the ESPN on basketball. Why he sent in a piece about 3rd world countries and their birth rates is kind of over my head. I don’t get it? It’s not his job to write about that stuff. He writes for a sports website about sports. It should be simple. He deserves a standing elbow strike to the face just for making headlines because he was TRYING to make headlines.
- The Yankees have picked up OF, Randy Winn. I’m lukewarm towards this move. Sure, they found someone who can split the spot clean with Gardener. But the depressing thing is Johnny Damon is gone. He’s a crowd-pleaser that will get you 20-25 homeruns and 80-something RBI’s. I was sad to see him go.
- Ben Sheets signed with the Athletic. 6 starts and he’ll fall apart at the limbs like someone took fishing wire to his joints at 150 mph
- Hall of Fame denies Dawson access as a Cub. He’s going EXPO-NATION, BABY!
- Jim Thome signed with the Twins. More protection for Morneau.
- Padres signed Jon Garland. Solid pick up.
- Xavier Nady signed with the Cubs. Sucks. I wanted him as a Yankee but I feel compelled as a Yankees fan to root for the Cubs. I root for a Ying Yang!
- And the Mets have agreed to the terms of their new contract with Being a Loser and Having a Team That No One Wants To Go To.
- And lastly, Greg Oden is now appologizing about his pain stick. It went something like this: “I’m sorry about showing my private parts. It was sent to a ladyfriend. Honestly, how else did you think I was going to close? I ain’t got game. I’m not an attractive man. Plus, the bitches that know from basketball, know that I’m a giant pussy who gets hurt all the time. So you know, I gotta hit an audible and Check Hammer.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Tags: Andre Dawson, Ben Sheets, CJ Spiller, Greg Oden, Jim Thome, Jimmy Clausen, Jon Garland, Logic hates Malls, Paul Shirley, Randy Winn, t, Tagkakke, Tim Tebow, Xavier Nady, Yellin at Kittens with Brandon
Category Uncategorized |
Author: gally Published: September 24th, 2009
The Morning After Pill is where we cover the previous day’s events in the sporting world. Certain teams or sports are left out because I don’t care about them.
NFL: Bostonites can ah err ah rejoice. Wes Welkah may play in this weekend’s Patriots game. Dallas Cowboys lineman Flozell Adams was fined $12,500 for tripping Justin Tuck. $12,500 is a lot to me, but for an NFL player it’s nothing. Is Herr Goodell softening? It seems just like yesterday he was tossing around real fines.
MLB: The Marlins beat the Phillies 7-6 on a late game collapse by Brad Lidge. The win brought the Marlins within 4.5 games of the NL wildcard spot. History has taught me that when the Marlins make the Playoffs they win the World Series, then sell everybody off for pennies on the dollar. So look out, Hanley Ramirez could become available for your favorite team, or the Yankees, next year. Walking ashtray and anger management issue, Bobby Cox, signed a one year extension with the Braves. It will be his 25th year as the Braves manager, and 21st in a row. It will also be his last.
NBA: Yao Ming is encouraged by how his foot is healing. But knowing that he’s like peanut brittle, he says that there’s no chance that he will return for the upcoming season. He wants to give himself the full year to recouperate.
NHL: Olaf “Olie the Goalie” Kolzig is retiring after 14 NHL seasons. He won the Vezina trophy as the leagues best goaltender and carried the Capitals to the Stanley Cup finals, where they lost to the Red Wings. Peter Forsberg just wont die already. He’s making another return to Hockey, but this time he will be playing for Modo in Sweeden. Jim Balsille in his ever desperate attempts to move the struggling Coyotes out of Phoenix and into Hamilton Onario, has amended his proposal. Under his new proposal, the team would play this year in Phoenix and lose it’s customary $30 million before moving to Canada for next year. Jeez Jimmy, you have almost as much skill with the NHL as I have with the ladies. Take a page from my book Jim, drink copious amounts of Scotch and start a website that makes fun of dumbasses in the sporting world.
College Football: ESPN is reporting a story that EDSBS covered three days ago, and that I linked to myself three days ago. So, ESPN is like me but three days behind the times. Suck it ESPN. Oh, you mean ESPN has more than 12 readers, well you win this round corporate giant. Jimmy Clausen is noted in Notre Dame for being a douche. Ask Logic, he’ll attest to that. Well I guess he’s just trying to live up to Brett Favre. He’s giving himself a pre-emptive excuse/out. He says that his Turf Toe could affect his play.
PGA: Even the fat cat world of golf is running into that whole economic downturn thing. PGA commissioner Tim Finchem, says that it’s unlikely the PGA will make it through the next season without losing some corporate sponsorships and therefore some tournaments. What that means to you is, instead of 104 players making a million dollars in the 2008 season, only say 87 will surpass a million in 2010 income. It’s a damn dirty shame when you think about it.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Tags: Bobby Cox, ESPN, Flozell Adams, Hanley Ramirez, Jim Balsille, Jimmy Clausen, Justin Tuck, Marlins, Olaf Kolzig, Peter Forsberg, PGA, Phillies, Wes Welker, Yao Ming
Category Morning After Pill |
Author: Logic Published: September 6th, 2009
Hey what’s up Gallions? Shout out to my night owls that check this shit on the reg. I just got back from the airport like 2 hours ago. And after 72 hours of drinking I think my trachea is tired. I should have looked into a alcoholic enema or something.
As I’m catching up around here, it looks like Gally and Gimp held down the fort perfectly. Even threw in a few rape/abortion jokes to make up for the loss of me. We have to make our quota!
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Popularity: 1% [?]
Tags: Charlie Weis, Golden Tait, Jimmy Clausen, John Ryan, Michael Floyd, Mike Golic, Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Category Night Cap |
