Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com.

MLB

Nothing too exciting here, the Yankees won, Red Sox won…OH AND ARMANDO GALARRAGA GOT JOBBED OUT OF A PERFECT GAME BY JIM JOYCE ON THE WORST CALL IN MLB REGULAR SEASON HISTORY! SHIT!

Ruined perfect game

Oh and the man with the prettiest swing in the history of baseball, Ken Griffey Jr. announced his retirement.

NHL

The Philadelphia Flyers do what the Canucks, and Sharks were unable to do: Win a home game against the Chicago Blackhawks, snapping their road playoff winning streak at 7 games. The Flyers win 4-3 in OT on a deflection from Claude Giroux to cut the Blackhawks lead in the series down to 2-1.

NBA

The NBA did what it’s players do best last night: Sat around, watched, waited for something to happen, and eventually let someone else do everything. The NBA Finals finally tip-off tonight. Prediction? No.

College Football

Rumor has it that Boise State will be joining the Mountain West Conference, and will be eligible to play games for them starting in 2011. And with that move, the MWC becomes more of a legit football conference than the Big East.

Golf

Tiger Woods will play in The Memorial which starts today. If he wasn’t, you wouldn’t be reading a golf update on here.

That about it for here. Go out there and make the best of the day.

Gratuitous Female Athlete: (more…)

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Tags: Armando Galarraga, boise state, Claude Giroux, Ken Griffey Jr, Tiger Woods
Category Morning After Pill |

“The Kid” is now Old, Sleepy

Simpler times, before athletes raped people.

In an unspecified game in Seattle last week, aging baby face Ken Griffey, Jr., aka, The Kid, aka, my favorite baseball player ever, missed out on an opportunity to pinch hit because he went back into the club house during the game and ended up taking a little nap. No, not passing out like “thanks for letting me inside of you, I’m going to sleep now” passing out, but more like “my god, my bones feel like it’s going to rain, I’m taking a nap” passing out. Hey, he’s getting old now, lay off.

I find this story humorous for many reasons. First is the fact that it is even reported. Second is I’m not quite sure what is going to happen to Griffey, because if this was reported to get him in trouble I’m going to be PISSED. The Mariners suck salmon eggs this season, and it’s got to be hard for an old timey slugger to watch a team lose like he is doing. True, he swims in money during his workouts, but he’s also a genuinely good person, so him having more money than I could ever kill for doesn’t bother me. And look on the bright side; at least he’s not getting involved in rape stings!

This got me thinking though, what other signs of aging must my favorite ball player have, indicating his reverse Benjamin Button? I have some ideas after the jump (of course) …

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Tags: /rape joke, Felix Hernandez, Ken Griffey Jr, Meme, Old people are funny, PJD, Seattle Mariners, World War II
Category Satire |

Felix Hernandez Resigns With Mariners

Everyone out. I have to poop.

According to a source, not mine of course, the Mariners have reached an agreement with Felix Hernandez on a contract extension. Hernandez made $3.8 million last year in his first year of arbitration eligibility and had a stellar season. He finished 19-5 with a 2.46 ERA last year.

This continues the greatest offseason ever for the M’s, who have been in the league since 1977. They signed Chone Figgins from the rival Angels, traded for Milton Bradley and Cliff Lee, and of course resigned Ken Griffey Jr..

Enough about the rest of the team though, King Felix is their future. He’s 23 now and is 58-41, though that number is unrepresentative of his talent as his early teams sucked. Felix finished second to Zach Greinke in Cy Young voting last year, and is likely the favorite to win the AL Cy Young this year at the ripe old age of 24. At least one of the teams that’s kind of close to me is good.

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Tags: Chone Figgins, Felix Hernandez, Ken Griffey Jr, King Felix, Milton Bradley, MLB, Seattle Mariners
Category News |

Seattle Is Tickled Pink

So what if he couldn't do this without a robot body?

In a news headline that clearly sounds like it was ripped from a shoddy C level porn starring Ethan Suplee and Rosie O’Donnell, Seatlle is tickled pink. Why is the collective Seatlle area acting as if thier perineum’s were being aroused with a feather duster? Well, if you couldn’t guess from the above picture, it’s because Ken Griffey Jr. has signed another one year contract with the Mariners.

Seattle General Manager Jack Zduriencik, had this to say about the signing.

We’re tickled pink that he’s decided to come back. He was such a positive role model, if you will, for a lot of players. He likes where we’re headed and he likes what’s going on here. He’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer and the greatest player in Seattle Mariners history.

The contract is apparently very similar to his 2009 deal that paid him $2 million, and $3.15 million with incentives. Griffey is currently in fifth place all time with 630 HR’s, and could theoretically move past Willie Mays into 4th place with one or two more solid seasons.

Griffey had this to say about the deal,

I’d like to thank the Mariners organization for inviting me back to play in 2010. While 2009 was an awesome experience for me, my ultimate goal is for the Mariners to get to and win the World Series. To that end, I look forward to contributing in any role that Don sees fit on the field, and any manner I possibly can off the field.

Ken Griffey Jr. is my favorite baseball player of all time, and is the only reason I’ve ever paid attention to baseball, other than the Jays winning two World Series. I wish him the best, and hope he does manage to put a solid bookend on an injury riddled career filled with what ifs? The deal is pending a physical, after he’s done rehabbing a minor surgery on his knee.

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Tags: bad porn, Baseball, Ken Griffey Jr, MLB, Seatlle Mariners
Category In All Seriousness, News |

The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers

NFL: Mark Sanchise turned the ball over twice against the Saints yesterday. Well more than twice, but he turned over twice for TD’s as Gregg Williams may have in fact transformed the Saints D from a flaming pile of dog shit to a legitimate D. Peyton Manning brought his laser rocket arm out again today as he threw for 353 yards and two TD’s. He’s now tied with Fran Tarkenton for third place all time with 342 TD passes. The battle of Ohio turned out to be better than any one expected as Cincy beat the Browns 23-20 in overtime. Ochocinco had 2 TD’s and nobody but one of the retarded announcers didn’t know the OT rules. The 49ers absolutely crushed the Rams 35-0. San Fran’s D got three scores and put up an incredible 39 fantasy points, carrying fantasy teams to win worldwide.

MLB: For the second straight year the Twins are in a one game playoff to determine the winner of the AL Central. They crushed the royals 13-4 and the Tigers got 8 strong innings out of Verlander as they beat the White Sox 5-3. A-Rod proved again that he’s super clutch in the regular season as he hit 2 HR’s and 7 RBI in the sixth inning alone as the Yanks beat the Rays 10-2. Nutty, but don’t worry non-Yanks fans, he’ll likely dissapear in the post season like he always does. Maybe this year instead of hooking up with Madonna or manly women he can find himself a good old fashioned Thai lady-boy. In Ken Griffey Jr’s potential final game, King Felix dominated as the M’s beat the Rangers by a score of 4-3. Griffey started his career in Seattle, and when he left for the Reds his career was never the same as it was derailed by injuries. He is the active career leader in hits and home runs.
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Tags: A-Rod, Austin Davis, Bar Rafaeli, Cesc Fabregas, Charles Wang, Gregg Williams, Jon Tavares, Ken Griffey Jr, King Felix, Minnesota Twins, Ochocinco, Peyton Manning, Randy Shannon, Sir. Alex Ferguson
Category Morning After Pill |