The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of yesterday’s sporting events. Except lately it hasn’t been daily. It’s only happened on my days. Which means it’s been Monday/Wednesday-y. So anyway. Recaps t’is!
Good morning, kiddies! It’s that time of the week again. Except I’m a little late today, so it’s a good thing there’s a pill for that. Shall we?
Amerikanische Fußball:The Vikings destroyed Seattle. Destroyed = 35 teh’ 9. D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D. So much so that they didn’t even need Favre after the 3rd quarter. Even T-Jack threw a touchdown. What do Percy Harvin, Visanthe Shiancoe, Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice (x2) all have in common? Other than being black, or playing for the Vikings at Mall of America Field vs. the pitiful Seattle Seahawks? Give up? They all scored touchdowns yesterday. Noticeably absent from that list? Adrian Peterson. Regardless, AP still surpassed 1,000 rushing yards yesterday, going three seasons strong. And for all you Favrehards, it should be noted that he was at 88% yesterday – which I have to admit is quite stellar. Fine. I said it. Seattle should probably stick to what it does best: acoustic guitar sets and Starbucks. But the biggest news to come out of yesterday’s games, is the defeat of Pittsburgh by…wait for it…KANSAS CITY! Kansas City? Yup. I didn’t get to see any of this game, because I was busy being at an awesome one (the Vikings), but my analysis of the Box Score tells me the following: In Total Plays, Total Yards, and Possession, the Steel’ were twice as good as KC. However, they had twice as many penalties and 2 INTs to KC’s aught. It also doesn’t help that The Rapistberger got his dome rocked and they had to put John Legend in to replace him. So really, it’s all that guy’s fault and everyone should go egg his house.
NBA: So my Celts eked one out past the Knicks last night. What? The Knicks are the opposite of good. And it went into OT! The Celts were forced to rely on Paul Pierce the entire game, who scored a season-high 33 points. For some reason (probably because they miss me so much), everyone else was having an off night. KG was only 4 for 15 of FGs made/attempted, and Ray Allen was only 3 for 13; though Allen also put up 1 3-pointer (of 6 attempted, and 6 of 6 free throws. Pierce was 9 for 17 in FGs, 6 for 7 in 3 pointers, and 9 for 10 in FTs. Sheed, on the other hand, did absolutely nothing. Except probably scare the piss out of people and pick imaginary bugs off himself. I’m pretty sure he was only brought on for intimidation factor. I’m going to start putting together my dream team, and it will most definitely include Ron Artest and Sheed. Anyway, through some great strategizing by Pierce in OT, he was able to draw all the attention to himself and quickly lob the ball over to a wide-open KG who is so clutch he made the game winning shot. See, kiddies? Even if you’re having a tough day, just keep at it and you will succeed. If you can dream it, you can be it! There were a bunch of other games yesterday (Orlando v. Toronto, Indiana v. Charlotte, New Orleans v. Miami, Detroit v. Phoenix, and OK City v. Lakers), but they were all lopsided which = BO-RING. It also means I don’t feel like recapping them right now, because I didn’t start working on this til this morning.
Fußball: I know nothing about Soccer other than David Beckham looks like this:
But I did also learn that the LA Galaxy fell to Real Salt Lake in the MLS Cup. I also learned that it’s all Landon Donovan’s fault, because he’s a chump. Donovan (who would be a lot cooler if he was thisDonovan), completely blew a penalty kick. Then Real from Mormon Country got totally pumped up and some guy named Robbie Russell (cool alliteration!) got the game-winning penalty shot, of which Donovan was probably the offender. Because I said so. If you’d like to read some more in-depth discussion from the world of the ball with all the little pentagons all over it, Avoiding the Drop can satiate your every desire. A big HOLLA! goes out to @2Yellows over on twit. :)
Happy Monday – if you’re on the East Coast your day is almost halfway over! If you’re on the Dub-Cee, well…get your coffee brewing.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness. But mostly because I only care about things I like, and everything else may as well not exist. Or perish in a glorious gas explosion in a tool shed. Or something.
Good morning, kiddos! We’re going to try something new over here at The Gally Blog. We’ve divvied up the Morning After Pill, because we’re too poor to get our own. So that means! You’ll be gettin’ it from me on Mondays & Wednesdays. Barring any complications or laziness. Could be more, could be less, but that’s the plan! Shall we?
NBA: Looks like the Timberwolves have wasted no time in disappointing fans this season. They’re last in the NW Division. The Nuggs are first. Know why? BECAUSE THEY’RE UNDEFEATED. The Timberwolves were undefeated for a couple days: the day of the first game, and however many days were in between their next game THAT THEY LOST. Good job ‘Wolves. Actually, they’ll be competitive in like two years, because the whole team is basically newbs. Anyway. My Celts won AGAIN, and remain undefeated. Know why? ‘Cuz they’re awesome. Apparently Phoenix is the only other undefeated team, but I kind of forgot Phoenix even had a team. Are people really Phoenix fans? Whatever. GO KG! GO CELTS! That is all.
Awww...I love us!!
NFL: I found this to be pretty comical – ESPN posted an article yesterday titled Owner Dan Snyder: 2-5 Washington Redskins have ‘let everyone down’. I mean…raise your hand if you’re surprised they’re sitting at 2-5 right now. Okay, now put your hand down if you raised it because you were surprised it wasn’t 1-6 or 0-7. If you thought the outcome was going to be better than this, I reckon you’re unable to tie your shoes on your own, or make your own bed, and you likely have a big drool stain down the front of your shirt. Jus’ sayin’.
MLB:Blah blah blah…GO PHILS!!
DWTS: If you watched Dancing With the Stars last night, you saw that Aaron Carter and his POA partner got to stay. Good for Aaron Carter. It was nice to see him doing something that didn’t involve his girlfriend Crystal and a major suckfest on the mic. Then some other fools came out and did some Milli Vanilli crap, but could never live up to the greatness that is this:
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the goings on in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to either lack of caring or an extreme hangover. Maybe a weak hangover also, we’re kind of soft like that.
Lucky for you, you get my version of the MAP again! I know you couldn’t wait. But I’m at work, so let’s get this show on the road, shall we?
NFL: The Giants got destroyed by the Saints. Who saw that one coming?! I know Logic didn’t. Neither did I, or I would’ve started Reggie Bush in my fantasy league. The Titans…I mean, is someone going to contract them? Can teams get contracted in the NFL like they can the MLB? 59-0 is super embarrassing. They should probably just forfeit the season and hope for better luck/coaching/players/management/a new rabbit’s foot next year. The Cards did a pretty good job against a skeletal Seattle team. Big ups to my boy Fitz for getting me a good chunk of points 2 weeks in a row. Then we have my beloved Vikings who did not win that game – The Ravens BLEW IT. I seriously laughed out loud at an ESPN.com headline I saw yesterday that said, “Favre’s Late Heroics End Ravens Rally.” Whatever simpleton wrote that should be fired. Or buy new eyes. Or something. I was at the game, and the 1st quarter was awesome; it was fun, it was electric. Then the rest of the game happened. My favorite parts were when B’more just kind of sauntered into the endzone for a couple easy TDs. Our only saving grace, apparently, is how loud we were booing and screaming. So loud, in fact, that my friend told me the announcers on TV were annoyed with us. Whatev…the Ravens choked, and we’re 6-0. I don’t care about the rest of the games. Sorry.
The Morning After Pill is a recap of yesterdays sporting events. Some sports and teams are left out due to my lack of caring.
NFL: No news is bad news right? Well it’s something like that. The Colts are still awaiting the results of a MRI on Dwight Freeney. He injured his quad in the third quarter of the game against Arizona, and as of now, nobody knows how severe it is. He did walk off the field on his own, but if he’s out for an extended period of time the Colts have no defense. Just after having a breakout week, Frank Gore is out for three weeks with a high ankle sprain. Fantasy owners everywhere are both rejoicing and slitting their wrists, depending on whether they owned him or not. Chad Pennington re-injured his shoulder and is likely out for the season. He’s getting a second opinion from Dr. James Andrews, surgeon to the stars, but in all likelihood he’s done for the season and for his career as a starter.
College Football: USC Senior RB Stafon Johnson is out for the season. He was lifting weights when the bar slipped out of his right hand and fell on his neck, crushing his larynx and neck. He was taken to the hospital for emergency surgery, and is in critical but stable condition. He’s expected to make a full recovery. Tim Tebow is expected to play this Saturday against LSU after sustaining a concussion.
MLB: The Angels defeated the Rangers 11-0 last night to claim their 5th division title in 6 years. They dedicated it in memory to Nick Adenhart, the 22 year old Angel who died earlier this year. The showdown between the Twins and the Tigers was postponed due to rain. Funny, I didn’t know baseball players were made of sugar. In the matchup between the Jays and Red Sox, the Sox were supposed to start Josh Beckett. They scratched him, and his replacement got rocked as the Jays won 11-5. I’m so glad I didn’t bet on that game.
NBA: Kevin Garnett is nearly fully recovered from offseason surgery. He’s participating in scrimmages and is ready for camp to kick off.
NHL: Theoren Fleury, who after an impressive preseason where he scored four points in four games, was cut by the Flames. But that’s old news you say, yeah well so’s your mother. The real news here, is that he’s officially retiring with the team he came in with, the Calgary Flames.
Soccer: Carlos Tevez scored two goals for Manchester City, as they beat his old team West Ham by a score of 3-1. The win was Cities 5th in their first 6 games, which is their best start since 1961.
Gratuitous Semi Naked Female Athlete?:
Beach Volleyball is so totally a sport. Even when done by a castmember of The Hills.
