Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday November 26th 2011

Posts Tagged ‘knockout’

Commence unconsciousness in 3…2…1…

There’s nothing quite sexier than someone losing consciousness. And no Logic I’m not referring to the lack of lucidness that comes from drinking GHB infused beverages at a frat party. No sir, I am talking about the loss of bowel control that can only come from the sport of MMA. Because if there’s one thing the sadists writers here at the Gally Blog enjoy it’s a good knockout. Well maybe that and @berstreet‘s tits.

I would post fight related info, but

1) I imagine most people coming to this site only care about the violence, which,

a) I would assume is on par with putting credits in a snuff film

2) go fuck yourself

a) hard.

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F(*)(*)k ‘em Up Friday: Short & Sexy Edition

Fuck ‘em Up Friday is a weekly post that occurs -  you guessed it – every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Oh it seems like forever since I last posted some F(*)(*)k ‘em Up awesomeness. Stupid holidays. But allow me to unveil this week’s extremely sexy, and also extremely short post involving the likes of a head kick knockout…And boobies of course.

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F(*)(*)k ‘em Up Friday: Jose Aldo Owns Your Soul Edition

Fuck ‘em Up Friday is a weekly post that occurs -  you guessed it – every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

The WEC put on a show this past Wednesday night. The fuck is a WEC? I’m glad you asked. The WEC is a MMA organization owned by Zuffa. Which, if you’re unfamiliar, is the same company that owns the UFC. WEC specializes in smaller weight classes, such as the lightweight (155 lbs), featherweight (145 lbs) and bantamweight (135 lbs) divisions. Their fight cards don’t appear on PPV, rather on the Versus channel, thus making it free. If you don’t have Versus my condolences go out to you. You’re totally missing out on hunting and fishing shows sprinkled in with some hockey and Sports Soup. Yeah, I’m one of the few people who watch Sport Soup, so go fuck yourself.

So the main event on the card saw featherweight champion Mike Brown taking on the up-and-coming Jose Aldo. Here is a clip from the 2nd and final round. Worth a watch. All I’m going to say is that Aldo is the best. Did I say best? I meant beast.

I know what you’re thinking, “gimp WTF?!?! Brown just turtled up. How the fuck is that the best knockout of the week?” Dually noted. What makes Jose Aldo a beast is the clip below. This happened a few WEC events ago, when he took on Cub Swanson. It wasn’t so much that he took Swanson on, but more so that he was able to rearrange Swanson’s face in a matter of 8 seconds. 8 FUCKING SECONDS?!?! I’ve had sexual escapades that have lasted longer than 8 seconds and that’s saying a lot since I have a hairpin trigger – if you know what I mean.

An 8-second KO that results in a gaping wound? I’m fully engorged. Commence boobies…

prettyinpink

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F(*)(*)k ‘em Up Friday: Call of Duty Edition

Fuck ‘em Up Friday is a weekly post that occurs -  you guessed it – every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

This week was marked by a plethora of momentous occasions. Mainly, because of a) Veteran’s Day b) the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and c) my birthday being this past Sunday, which is only relevant if i) you consider your week to begin on Sunday and ii) you love me as much as I love myself. Birthday-whoring aside, it’s important to note the significance of the troops. Without them who knows how beyond fucked up our country would be.

What better way to honor the troops (besides procuring a hooker for them), than with some good old-fashioned violence. The below video isn’t the traditional MMA knockout video. No, this little gem comes from the martial arts realm of Muay Thai, or as it’s referred to by the ring announcer: Thai fighting. Summarily speaking, expect lots of leg kicks. Oh yeah, and one hell of a coup de grace. I won’t spoil it for you, but SPOILER ALERT, someone gets KTFO! The only way this knockout could have been anymore American was if the guy getting knocked out was dressed as a Nazi.

Commence patriotic boobies!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I…um…have to…um…go…uh…kill some dirty Spetsnaz in Call of Duty…Yeah that’s it. Kill, some Spetsnaz.

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F(*)(*)k ‘em Up Friday: Happy Birthday to Me Edition

Fuck ‘em Up Friday is a weekly post that occurs -  you guessed it – every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

This weekend is very special to me and it should be extremely special to you as well. It’s my birthday raises hands in victory – the time of year where I grow a year older and my mother is constantly reminded that she should have had that abortion. Sure it’s not nationally recognized yet, but maybe some day.

While I’m legally 26, spiritually I am 18 with a fake ID. I know this is totally irrelevant since this post is geared toward boobs and brutality, but my narcissistic personality disorder and sadistic tendencies couldn’t help but bring it up.

Birthday plans? Who knows I might just pull a page from the sorority girl’s birthday party playbook and make it a week long celebration. That way there’s enough awesome to go around.  Don’t feel obligated to get me anything, but do make sure to make all checks payable to cash, and alcohol is more than substantial for a gift.

Now that we got the logistical birthday whoring out of the way, strap on your party hat, ready your party favor, and let’s get this show on the road. (more…)

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F(*)(*)k ‘em Up Edition: Here’s Your Sucker Punch Edition

Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

 

You figure a sport that involves rolling around with a bunch of sweaty dudes wouldn’t rank high on the homophobia scale. That would make sense – you’re rolling around, sweaty, trying to impose your will on each other. I mean, seriously. Read that last line again, and tell me that it couldn’t be interpreted as two men going at it in a sexual manner. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It is perfectly fine if you’re down with that sort of thing cough Gally cough.

However, it’s not like the guy in the above video grabbed some sack while passing the other guy’s guard, or sprouted some wood while taking the other guy’s back. Let the record show, that last comment about “taking the back”, is actual MMA terminology and not a repressed homosexual Freudian slip. He blew a kiss.

My professional opinion? Someone’s a little insecure. And you know what helps with totally insecure sexual preferences? Boobies. Commence boobies…

wettshirt

Check back later for our UFC 104 preview and predictions with our special guest poster…The suspense is killing me. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to clean up all this…uh…water.

Video from Break via CagePotato

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F(*)(*)k 'em Up Friday: Bloggin' with Your Balls Edition

Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Blogs with Balls is currently taking place in Las Vegas, Nevada. For those unfamiliar, it’s a blogging convention where some of the most computer savvy and socially inept people gather to discuss sports, blogs and get utterly bombed. For many bloggers, this is the only time they’ll actually put on pants and leave their apartments.   Sadly, due to my proba-….Uh lack of funds I was unable to attend. Lack of funds is a good explanation, let’s go with that and get on to the goods, shall we?

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F(*)(*)k 'em Up Friday: Sloppy Seconds Edition

Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

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F(*)(*)k 'em Up Friday: Thank You Sir May I Have Another Edition

Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

(more…)

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F(*)(*)k 'em Up Friday: The Best Things Come in Pairs Edition

Fuck ‘em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

(more…)

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